We’re getting our first snow here in Pennsylvania. Total accumulation will be about an inch, which means you can’t stay home and pretend it’s a snow day, now matter how many great things are on NetFlix. There are stores to get to and people driving big cars in parking lots to curse at.

Yesterday was a big one for the calendar…and only for me, I suspect. The calendar is intended for children, and it’s hard to believe anyone in the target demographic was as excited for a granny figure as I was.

Now that I got a Mrs. Claus, what else do I want from this calendar? Might as well shoot for the moon and say “Lego Dragon from The Never Ending Story” or “Lego David Lynch.” Hell, why not wish for a “Lego Real Working Playstation 4”? Seems like anything is possible in this year’s calendar.

On the 9th day of Lego Advent, the calendar gave to me… Continue reading →

First and foremost, I saw this box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch at the store and had to buy it because it comes with a FREE SPOON! Also, CTC is one of the best cereals. I would probably buy it anyway. No need to give me a free spoon, Mr. General Mills. I appreciate it, though. Thank you. Heck, now I feel like I have to get him something.

Like an enormous, single-day Advent Calendar, I didn’t know which of the Star Wars spoons would be in this box. Would it be Rey? Captain Phasma? It’s…it’s…

CHEWBACCA!

I have a Chewbaca spoon! And it changes colors. Might as well go to bed because today has peaked!

Or has it? What is living inside the Lego Calendar today? Continue reading →

I’m in the midst of a writing project that’s both fun and nearly impossible to keep organized in a single Google Doc or Excel page. I was having a hard time with it yesterday and then, while using my computer, iPad, phone and a bolt of lightning I keep in a box, I realized the best way out of this is with old-fashioned, non-WiFi, non-electrical tools. Sometimes you need to unplug because human brains are still adapting to this thing called computers. I went out and got a used bulletin board at the thrift store for $2.

I added a Big Foot sticker because that’s where my life path has taken me.

The board is too big, I know. But I think it’ll help. I’ve been staring at it, wondering from whence it came. Was this hanging in a school at one time, alerting snotty third graders to the joys of “Why We Should Recycle!” or “Whales” or “Slut Shaming: Double Standards in the Patriarchy”? I’m sure there’s a secret history to this framed slab of cork, and damn if it’s all I can think about now. If you recognize this bulletin board, please let me know its origin story.

Seven days into the calendar and I’m waiting for the next mini-figure to pop out and say, “Jesus wasn’t even born in December!” (I assume the next character is going to be a teenager who just got home from one semester of college and now knows all information.)

Today we get… Continue reading →

Minutes after posting yesterday’s blog, I realized the Gingerbread House can also double as a holiday board game.

Mrs. Claus called it “Ho-Ho-Go” but Melvin suspected she was making up the rules as she went.

MRS. CLAUS: Now, I attack W-7.
MELVIN: W-7?
MRS. CLAUS: Yes, dear. I attack W-7 with my Alliance Army. I win. I get $40.
MELVIN: Oh. Okay.
MRS. CLAUS: $40, dear.
MELVIN: Real money?
MRS. CLAUS: I’m sorry dear. Would you rather play dot-to-dot coloring book? Maybe have a rousing round of pretend tag? Or did you come here to play the game?
MELVIN: When is Mr. Claus coming home?
MRS. CLAUS: You can win your money back. Double or nothing. I’ll even give you eight bonus cards and corn abilities. Shall we go again!
MELVIN: I don’t understand what’s happening in this game.
MRS. CLAUS: You’ll get the hang of it. Set up the golf balls and I’ll deal out the murder suspects.

Now that the Gingerbread House can double as a game board, it’s officially the best piece of the calendar so far.

We’re due for another figure, unless this entire world is Mevlin’s to rule. Who is hiding behind today’s door? Continue reading →

Maybe this is your first time reading these, and as such I failed to introduce you to one of the very best Christmas presents I’ve ever recieved: Robot Snowman.

Born on the first day of my first Lego Advent Calendar, Robot Snowman has been a part of my annual holiday festivities for seven years. He lives on my desk year-round keeping watch over the world and keeping all questions about human culture to himself for fear that I would ridicule him if he dared asked, “Why do humans cry?” or “Can you eat with your butt?”

Robot Snowman is older now, the finger of his arm has broken off in a tragedy he only speaks of in broken, cryptic phrases late at night. “Damn you, gravity!” The how and why of his black hair can be found by meticulously reading all of these blogs in order.

If you see him pop up in these photos, now you know why. He is my Robot Snowman. He is my Christmas.

Today the calendar offers us… Continue reading →

Before we begin, I’m still confused. Every year this songs hurts my brain. It…it doesn’t make word-sense. What the hell do these Kenny Loggins’ lyrics mean:

Please, celebrate me home,
Give me a number,
Please, celebrate me home
Play me one more song.

The first part sounds like a caveman asking for birthday cake.

The second part? Is “number” a slang term for a song? Is the guy a character in The Great Gatsby? “Why don’t you play a number, old chap, and then razzle-dazzle on the toots because America is a dream that never, ever ends, old chap!”

I complain about a lot of Christmas songs, but this so-called classic is confusing. Celebrate me home? Like…have a party around me as I walk to the front door? Or is it some ego thing. “I demand you sound the trumpets for my arrival, for I, the golden child, have returned!” I don’t get it. Sure…sure…the song is about a sad man being lonely, but that doesn’t mean you can disregard basic speech patterns and word usage. Might as well sing:

Please, happy me in a car…

And that doesn’t sound good at all.

Today is Day 3, and on Day 3 we get… Continue reading →

A few people have let me know they’ve been reading this Lego blog since I first started seven years ago. That’s amazing! Thank you!

Seven years! We could have all gone through med school by now or traveled cross-country on the backs of two turtles that we wear as turtle-skates and — Ooh! I have another idea to add to my “Children’s Book Pitches” notebook. [Dan adds “Group of people go to med school” to his ideas binder.]

Back when I started this, I was just a naive calendar opener, still using a flash when taking photos and on a desperate hunt for “Sausage Girl.” It was a different time. Gas cost a nickel, there was no sadness and [insert topical Matt Lauer joke]. Things have changed.

But at least I know the Lego Calendar will continue to spit out sacred items of joy on a daily basis in December. You can’t take that away from me.

And today we get… Continue reading →

Ho-ho-ho and welcome back to the annual opening of the Lego Advent Calendar!

Each year I crack open a toy calendar and marvel a the bits of brightly colored hardened oil that tumble out. While each year has its highs (Naked Santa) and lows (a purse), there is enough holiday cheer in these boxes to make me come back again and again. This year is a return to the classic Lego City Advent Calendar. I’ve been away too long!

Last year I opened a very nice, but too easy, Playmobil calendar which redeemed itself in the final days thanks to a goddamn electrical glowing rock and ghost pirate. The two years before that, I was in a Star Wars state of mind and opened the over-priced and somewhat bland Lego Star Wars Advent Calendars.

But it’s back to the original this year! Lego City! Hell yeah! This is what I need. This is what we all need.

If this is your first time here, take a few days and scroll through the previous calendars:

Year One
Year Two
Year Three – The bad time.
Year Four
Year Five
Year Six
Year Seven – Playmobil a’hoy!

As you know, the one thing I hoped to gain from each and every toy calendar I open is a Mrs. Claus. Though I now have about nine Lego Santa Clauses — some naked, some Darth Vader-ed — Lego has yet to provide a Mrs. Claus in the calendars. But just when all hope was lost…

My girlfriend, who is wonderful, ordered a Lego Mrs. Claus for me last Christmas! You may have missed her during the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day celebrations, so allow me to reintroduce you to Mrs. Delores Claus.

Mrs. Claus is every Golden Girls rolled into one. She has sat on my desk since last Christmas, waiting and waiting to be part of the calendar fun. You’ll be seeing more of her this year.

And speaking of my wonderful girlfriend (who also wraps the Lego calendar box so that I can’t see any spoilers on the cover), she is opening her own Playmobil calendar over on her Instagram account. She’s also opening an advent calendar that’s all different colored yarn. So yeah, we really, really enjoy counting to 24.

Now that Mrs. Claus is part of the collection, what am I expecting in this year’s calendar? Another Mrs. Claus would be nice, but honestly I just want some goofy Christmas junk. And clear pieces. You know I love clear pieces. If you don’t, then you don’t know me at all and I will kindly ask you to leave.

Let’s get to it and start this 24-day countdown to Jesus!

The first item is… Continue reading →