It’s the last day of the Lego Friends Advent Calendar and I couldn’t be happier. Not only does today mean the calendar will now die a forgettable death and we can move on to happier things, but today my chances of finally getting a Lego Mrs. Claus have never been higher.

The 24th Day of the Lego Calendars always bring forth Santa Claus! Always! Since this calendar is lady-specific, it would be an absolute delight if Mrs. Claus came galloping out to give us all the Christmas Spirit and a cookie!

Yep. Today is going to be good. I can feel it. I can taste the Christmas-y goodness!

Click on to see the last item and the final countdown of all the items!

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I own a Lego Werewolf. No big deal. It’s just a werewolf in Lego form. It’s pretty much the best thing, but I’m not bragging. I just want you to know that I own a Lego Werewolf and he is not part of the Lego Friends Advent Calendar.

I only mention this because I need to (illegally?) incorporate Lego Werewolf into this wintery scene in order to salvage some fun from the the truly terrible Lego Friends Advent Calendar.

Today’s item is just as wonderful as the other items I’ve received. You’ll notice there are no exclamation points in that previous sentence. That’s not a typo.

What did I get? Find out! (Or just go watch some YouTube videos of puppies, because that would be a better use of our time.)

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The very worst part about wrapping presents, besides the time it takes, the accidental ripping, the wrinkly folding, the misjudged size of paper and subsequent hackneyed addition of tiny bits of paper to cover the gaping holes, and your only roll of tape that always vanishes, is that it’s all for the purposes of being destroyed.

And not destroyed in a good way, like the way your mouth destroys a sandwich. The wrapping paper is destroyed and turned into garbage faster than you can say, “I kept the receipt if it doesn’t fit.”

I’m not saying we should stop wrapping presents; a wrapped present is always better than an unwrapped gift. I just want someone else to do it for me.

Anyway, today’s Lego item is a Christmas Tree. (Spoiler Alert)

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Happy Solstice! I’m about to wrap presents, but before I do, why not disappoint myself with the Lego Friends Advent Calendar?

It doesn’t matter what I get today. Things are going to get so busy in the next 80 hours or so that I’ll barely have time to whine about Lego garbage.

We’re days away from the end of this calendar! And then we’re just 11 months away from next year’s much better Lego Advent Calendar.

Click on to see what today offered…

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There is no hope for the Lego Friends Advent Calendar. Nothing can save it. Today could spit out a Lego jetpack and a real, live puppy and I would still blame the calendar for ruining my entire holiday.

Yesterday’s item was the worse thing anyone has ever received. The purse was so small and awful that I’m certain it was actually a virus.

This calendar is for girls, and while I’ve never been a girl, I can’t imagine any young lass feeling happy about this product. It’s terrible. It’s bad. It’s terri-bad.

But let’s keep going, if only for the sake of tradition. I’m assuming today’s item will be a Lego cavity. What do you think is behind the 20th door?

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The Friends Lego Advent Calendar is a lot like the Twilight series; at first it’s just disappointing, and then it gets worse and worse until you reach a point where you say, “That’s as bad as it can get.” And then men date babies and you give up.

Today’s item is the Renesmee of Lego items.

It isn’t even worthy of this lengthy intro. Judging by it’s size and weight, the item should only be reviewed via the second half of a haiku. But I’ve already written this much and the delete button is too far away. So these words stay. As does this one: Parachute!

Anyway, what lived behind door #19?

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If someone asked me if the Lego Friends Advent Calendar was a good gift for a small girl, I would say yes, with the condition that the girl misbehaved and needed to learn that not everything in life is grand.

However, it’s time to stop expecting great things from the calendar. Lego is a creative toy, after all, and to enjoy it I must use creativity. The items I’m given are only as poor as my imagination.

With this in mind, let’s see what today offers and turn these lemons into better, faster lemons!

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I’ve made mistakes in life, but my biggest regret is buying the Lego Friends Advent Calendar.

The $30 I spent could have been used to buy two bags of socks, and socks are just puppets waiting to happen. I could have spent $30 on tickets to see The Hobbit or that Seth Rogen/Barbra Streisand movie. I could have used the money to buy a really fancy hotdog. Or I could have spent it on an autographed copy of the phone book, or a bunch of limes.

Anything would have been better.

Let’s open the door for Day 17 and then look forward to next December when a much better calendar will be opened.

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I don’t often use swear words in my writing. When I do, it’s for comedic effect. But I am about to use a profane word in just a few sentences and it is being written with utmost sincerity. Prepare accordingly.

If you cannot handle mature language, and have a tendency to faint when someone says “Damn” or “butty” then please stop reading.

Things happened today involving the Lego Friends Advent Calendar, and to censor my thoughts would be a disservice not only to myself but to society.

Cover the eyes of toddlers in the room and prepare to gasp.

Ready? Click…

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The amount of Christmas shopping I’ve done is equal to the number of times I spelled “psychiatry” correctly on my first try. So this weekend is all about buying presents. Ideally, I would know what to buy, or at least make a list of who needs presents, but instead I’m just going to the areas of the world where stores exist and hopefully find the exact right presents for the exact right amount of people.

Wish me luck. Also, send me some coffee, because that would be delightful.

Speaking of delightful, today’s Lego Friends item is every flavor of cute.

Click on…

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