First and foremost, I saw this box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch at the store and had to buy it because it comes with a FREE SPOON! Also, CTC is one of the best cereals. I would probably buy it anyway. No need to give me a free spoon, Mr. General Mills. I appreciate it, though. Thank you. Heck, now I feel like I have to get him something.

Like an enormous, single-day Advent Calendar, I didn’t know which of the Star Wars spoons would be in this box. Would it be Rey? Captain Phasma? It’s…it’s…

CHEWBACCA!

I have a Chewbaca spoon! And it changes colors. Might as well go to bed because today has peaked!

Or has it? What is living inside the Lego Calendar today?

MRS. CLAUS!!!

Free spoons and Mrs. Claus? I can’t handle this. Oh, and by the way, Mrs. Claus comes with an entire fucking tray of goddamn cookies. Yeah. That happened.

Wow. I swear I heard a choir of angels sing when I opened the door.

Okay. Let’s calm down. First, she might not be an official Mrs. Claus. She’s technically just an old granny. And she’s not even wearing Christmas colors. That leads me to believe this isn’t the real Mrs. Claus…not anymore. This is Santa’s first wife, Clara. She kept his last name after the divorce, because that’s her decision.

I sense tension between Clara and Delores Claus. They tried to be civil for the sake of Melvin.

Clara came bearing cookies, but Delores said, “Hmm…doesn’t seem to be a prime number of chocolate chips in this. But I guess we all get busy during the holidays.”

Clara said, “I see you’re wearing red-on-red. How delightful — just like a little devil.”

Then Delores used the cookie as a hockey puck. And then no one said anything for fifteen minutes.

Day 8 Rating: 5 out of 5 (She’s a Mrs. Claus if I say she is.)

See you tomorrow!

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