Daily Transmission #37: Dan’s Great Ideas — Deviled Egg Bar

I have a lot of great ideas. This s one them.

Dan’s Deviled Egg Bar

One Sentence Pitch:
Imagine a self-serve frozen yogurt restaurant, but instead of yogurt, out comes deviled egg filling.

Detailed Concept:
Deviled eggs are delicious, but who has the time? And you can’t simply make one deviled egg, or even two — you usually need to make at least a dozen and if you’re alone, you end up throwing three of those eggs away because you’re full.

Dan’s Deviled Egg Bar will offer customers the convenience and efficiency of single-serve deviled eggs ready whenever the egg-appetite strikes. No more wasted eggs or kitchen messes. At Dan’s Deviled Egg Bar, we do all the work…and more!

“How does it work?” Continue reading

Daily Transmission #35: Fairy Warrior

It’s a lazy Saturday, so why not color something!

This is the Fairy Warrior, a character I created for Power Pencils and originally intended to be part of the Pencil of Stories ornament set, but I ran out of time to make the ornament. He has a backstory that I may get to at some other time. Or maybe you can tell me his story.

Want to color your own? Here’s a black and white version.

Click to make it big, print it out and color as you wish. I’d love to see your finished product. Send me the results: Dan@PowerPencils.com.

Happy Saturday!

Daily Transmission #34: Super Bowl Facts

You may find yourself at a Super Bowl party this Sunday, and you may feel the need to talk about sports. If you don’t know anything about sports, relax. I’ve got your covered. Become a conversation all-star with any of these sport facts!

“Touchdown” is short for “To Touch the Crown” taken from the poem “League of Kings” published in 1802. It originally referred only to horse racing.

Each black stripe on an official’s uniform represents an unjust murder.

One player on each team spends the entire game in the temple, praying for peace.

The shape of the football is the exact orbital arc of Earth around the sun.

The left goalpost is called “The Joseph” and the right post is called “Yella’ Tommy.” The bar connecting the two is known as “Cat’s Trough.”

The extra point was introduced in 1972 after a Green Bay player did a very good job and the officials felt the entire team should be rewarded for his bravery.

There are 100 yards on a football field — ten yards for every letter in the word “football” plus twenty yards for good luck.

The average American will spend 45-seconds of the Super Bowl saying the word “Holding!”

Whichever player picks up a yellow flag tossed by an official receives three secret bonus tokens that can be used to buy snacks and goodies from the cart in the locker room.

The 1982 Super Bowl ended in a 0 to 0 tie after both teams agreed to share the trophy.

If the quarterback throws the ball, and the ball hits a bird, the bird (if it survives) is technically part of the team and must be paid the league minimum salary.

No one in the NFL is currently named Meredith, but it can be a boy’s name.

Coaches often cover their mouths when giving instructions because they worry about spreading germs and getting their key players sick.

More people will watch the Super Bowl than were stung by a bee this year. And it’s only getting worse.

Daily Transmission #33: Five Random Things On My Desk

My desk is an ever-evolving collection of things. It operates like a museum, with temporary exhibits and a few permanent showstoppers. I tend to clean off the entire desk every December when it’s time to decorate for the holidays, and then in January items and nick-nacks find their way on the desk.

Because the day is getting away from me and I refuse to let a day pass without posting anything, today’s Daily Transmission is the first in a series. Here are five things I look at when I can’t think of anything else to write.

Belvedere Zippo Lighters
In 10th grade, my history teacher gave us an assignment to write a paper explaining our own thoughts on the Kennedy assassination. I wrote a detailed, though silly, explanation on how Mr. Belvedere was involved. (Of all the old TV shows about butlers/housekeepers, Mr. Belvedere was one of the very worst.) My gruff and grumpy teacher gave me an A on the paper, laughed and said I should be writer. So I became a writer, because I’m easily influenced. When I received my very first paycheck as a very real writer ($200 for a magazine article in 2001), I used most of the money to buy myself a lighter with the word “Belvedere” engraved on it to remind me of how it all started. Years later, I thought I lost the original lighter, and had another made with “Belvedere II” engraved on it. I’m not a smoker. I just like having a lighter as a small, lucky trophy. Continue reading

Daily Transmission #32: Calvin and Hobbes Pitch

Dear Mr. Bill Waterson:

This letter is to inform you that we here at Imagination Productions are very interested in transforming your Calvin and Hobbes comic strip into a big budget film series. While you may scoff, we ask that you hear us out. We know what we’re doing. You can trust us.

If the success of recent films such as Smurfs and the upcoming Smurfs: The Lost Village are any indication, audiences are mildly eager to see beloved characters from the 80s and 90s on the big screen! Now it can finally be your turn for the Hollywood spotlight!

We have already worked out a treatment for the Calvin and Hobbes movie. Continue reading

Daily Transmission #31: The Last Jedi Opening Title Crawl (LEAKED!)

We have the title for the next Star Wars movie and now we know how the movie will start! This is the opening crawl of the movie. We have confirmed it 100%! Please share now before Disney takes it down! (Full text below the images.)

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

The galaxy is a mess. It’s a mess. It’s an all the way mess. The First Order has begun preparations on a new planet-sized weapon called The Kill Cannon. Meanwhile, the Resistance is very sad most of the time despite the fact that they have cool spaceships and laser guns. It’s like…what more do you want?

Anyway, Rey has handed the lightsaber to Luke, and Luke gave her a cryptic frown as if he tasted beer for the first time in front of cool guys and doesn’t want them to know he thinks it tastes bad.

Rey and Luke then talked for a bit. Luke asked, “Did you see my robot hand?” And Rey didn’t seem that interested. And Luke said, “Want me to build you one?” And Rey said her hands were fine, and that pissed Luke off for some reason. And he made her do all these chores for no real reason!

Meanwhile, Poe found the missing locket that, when placed inside The Kill Cannon’s engine core, will make everything go BLAST-O! And Finn’s okay, but…well, you’ll see.

So now sit back and get ready! Because here comes the first part of the movie! There’s going to be a whooshing shot of spaceships! Oh, and Lando’s in this one! Don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret. This part of the song is the best…duh, duh, duh daaah! DAH! Duuuh! DAAAAH!

Daily Transmission #30: Winter Weather Definitions

In an effort to inform viewers, the National Weather Service would like to take a moment to explain the definition of specific weather warnings and events.

Winter Weather Advisory – Cold rain mixing with hours of undeserved news footage. Roads will be damp and covered by video cameras. School children will first get excited and then disappointed. That said, you should still buy bread in a frenzy.

Winter Storm Watch – Something stirs in the distance. What is it? What’s out there? How can you predict chaos? We can’t yet make out what our doom shall be: Snow? Ice? Falcons? Nothing at all? Gather your loved ones and huddle by the fire. Anything may occur. Our science has failed us. We know not our devil.

Winter Storm Warning – There will be snow! Everything shuts down for at least twelve hours. Snow day! You will have so much free time! You’ve been waiting for a good snow day all winter. The day is filled with possibilities! Buy bread, milk, eggs, paint for the living room, nine jigsaw puzzles, a closet organizer, a book on writing your own screenplay, paint for the kitchen, a grown-up coloring book and 1,000 colored pencils, a book on knitting, yarn, knitting needles, a cookbook, a bread maker, putty so you can finally fix that hole in the hallway, hallway paint, 10 frames for pictures you’ve been meaning to hang, a tool belt, book about meditation for beginners, book about history, seven very complicated board games still sealed in their boxes, all kinds of books, miner’s helmet and pickax (you’re finally going to dig that mine you’ve been talking about!), book on making your own shoes, another coloring book, a computer program for scanning old family photos, and one more book! [After making necessary preparations for a snow day, spend the entire day watching NetFlix instead of doing anything]

Winter Weather Ahoy – The ground will get a dusting of snow. Fire up the Instagram machine of your choice and prepare to take a minimum of 25 pictures of snow — taking less only angers the storm. Continue reading

Daily Transmission #29: Roof Gnomes

Roof Gnomes
By Dan Bergstein

I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I think you should know — there are three gnomes living on your roof. They are Roof Gnomes.

I use the word “gnome” but they look nothing like storybook gnomes who wear red pointy caps and have white beards. Roof gnomes wear green caps, first of all. They don’t usually have beards. And they are quicker and more nimble than typical gnomes. They also have longer fingers and toes, which is how they stay balanced on roofs. They are very good at balancing.

Roof gnomes aren’t even their true name. In olden times, they were called Himps. And before roofs were invented, Himps lived in trees. Himps must live as high as possible because if a Himp touches the ground, there is a loud SNAP and the Himp disappears forever.

That’s the rule of Himps. They cannot touch the ground. Continue reading

Daily Transmission #28: Can We Be Friends?

Before you are allowed to be my friend and enter my home, you must fill out the following questionnaire. Access to my friendship and home will be based on your answers. (Please click images below to enlarge.)

 

After filling out the form, please provide me with your Twitter and Facebook passwords, photographic evidence that you were not anywhere near my goldfish when it died, a poem about how your ancestors were terrible, 78 forms of I.D. each signed by a famous celebrity, a flattering pen and ink drawing of me, and one bald eagle egg that’s ready to hatch.

Once all documents have been verified and you passed the exam, travel to the obstacle course for the physical portion of the friendship test. (You may want to stretch and get a pair of goggles.)

Daily Transmission #18: Creating the Perfect YouTube Video


Date: 1/18/2017, 10:30 a.m.
Location: Conference Room 207
Meeting Agenda: Crafting the Perfect YouTube Video

In Attendance:
Mark Loogus – CEO, VizTech Pool Furniture
Tina McCork – VP Digital Marketing
Linus Roth – VP Branding and Petroleum Engineering
Francesca Albers – Director of Content
Simon Paulson – Content Director
Doug – Millennial Intern

MARK LOOGUS: Should we get this meeting started?

TINA MCCORK: Great. Yes. Over the past nine months we have monitored every video on YouTube. All of them. We watched all of them. And we tracked the analytics of each video using illegal software developed by a mysterious organization with an address in Sri Lanka. Simon, would you care to speak to that?

SIMON PAULSON: No. Not really. It’s all pretty…iffy. The takeaway is that we have mountains of data. From this data, we should be able to create a perfect YouTube video, one that will connect with every person in the world.

MARK: I like that. I like the sound of that. That’s a good angle. Every person, huh? Walk me through the video pitch. What will our video look like?

FRANCESCA ALBERS: Let’s start with the cover image of the video — the still that will appear as a thumbnail on YouTube’s main page. The data indicates this is important. Right now, we’re playing around with the idea of a sexy woman standing in a scene from The Shawshank Redemption.

MARK: Shawshank?

SIMON: It tracks well, sir. Trust us.

MARK: Go on.

SIMON: In this cover image, there will be a red arrow pointing at the woman’s elbow. And there will be a red circle around the character Andy’s wrist.

MARK: Why?

FRANCESA: Doesn’t matter. When people see red arrows and circles, and they can’t tell what the indicators mean, they will click the video to learn what these arrows and circles are all about. But we never mention the arrow or circle in the video. They just exist outside of the narrative…like phantoms. It’s best not to think about them. Continue reading