Tag Archives: random

Blogging Twilight: Viper Edition is Available Now

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Team Jacob? Team Edward? Team Emmett? Need help deciding?

Blogging Twilight is now available as an ebook!

Blogging Twilight: Viper Edition

All the blogs, all the murmurs, all the face-touching in one place!

Blogging Twilight: Viper Edition collects every one of my Twilight Blogs. From the first book, to the last “book.” It’s all here. Plus, it includes reviews for all the movies and extra goodies. Plus all the illustrations! PLUS A NEW INTRODUCTION! Everyone loves a new introduction!

Blogging Twilight: Viper Edition is more than 700 pages! That’s the most pages any book as ever been! Probably!

Order Your Copy Today!

It’s all here: Quil, Marcus, Emmett, jetpacking werewolves, outdoor spaghetti, Dan’s Thinking Lake, and more jokes about baby-dating than any ebook on the market. Probably!

Blogging Twilight began in 2009, back when Twitter was used to brag about your breakfast instead of destroying the U.S. socio-political climate. It was a weird time. Vampires were hot. Chuck Norris memes were hilarious. Gas cost a nickel. A new sound called “Rock & Roll” was sweeping the nation. . .

Now you can relive those glory days with Blogging Twilight: Viper Edition. Did you read the blogs back when you where in high school? Get ready to feel old! THAT WAS MORE THAN TEN YEARS AGO!

But the jokes hold up. The pain and torment have stood the test of time. You can still witness a grown man go slowly insane as he crawls through each and every Twilight book.

The entirety of Blogging Twilight has been transformed into a single bolt of lightning that lives inside your phone or tablet. (That’s what an ebook is, no?)Buy it. Share it. Use it to deflect evil spells. I’m just glad I can finally shove the whole thing into one, easy-to-find place.

I hope you enjoy this massive hunk of megabytes.

So excited!

You are my life now!

This Blog Is Engaging and Perfect

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“The ideal reading length for a blog post is seven minutes. That translates to roughly 1,600 words.” – Content writing advice offered by marketing experts.

Seven minutes? That makes sense. I haven’t timed my eyeballs or my brain, but spending seven minutes on a blog seems right. If you want an engaging blog, it should take seven minutes to read. However, here we are at the mere 70-word mark and, whoa boy, I’m not sure I can make it to the full 1,600 with this little blog. Right now, it’s more a greeting card than a blog. And we all know how non-impactful (impactless?) and non-viral (healthy?) a greeting card is. I don’t want this to be a willowy and weak greeting card. This is a powerful and mighty blog! This needs to be something big, something substantial, something you can print out and nail to the wall with a railroad spike!
Continue reading →

Dogs

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Dogs can jump in the air and catch a Frisbee. But until humans invented Frisbees and began throwing them to dogs, did dogs know they could catch things like that? Think of the millions of years dogs were just hanging out, keeping all four feet on the ground. And then suddenly a dude throws a disc and the dog discovers he can temporarily fly and catch things WITH HIS MOUTH in midair. That moment must have been huge! No wonder dogs are so happy — they only recently discovered they have superpowers.

Only 6% of Adults Can Solve This Brain Teaser!

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On one side of the river are three wolves. And on the other side of a river are three sheep. You are asked to move the wolves to the sheep side and the sheep to the wolves side using only one boat and this boat can only carry three animals at a time because of…look, this isn’t about wolves and sheep. We were just trying to find you and send you this message. The program has failed and we need you to report back to Ready Station soon before things get worse and your current reality, #7829-2, goes dark.

It’s not your fault. The System 87 program simply cannot continue. All agents are being summoned home. There have been attacks on our side. I won’t go into it now. Also, the program is breaking down. You may have noticed your reality has been acting…strange — things in your reality are happening that should never have happened. Little things at first, then bigger and bigger things. It stems from a glitch, a simple 0 that should have been a 1. From that small error, your reality warped and glitched out. We tried to warn you earlier but, like I said, we’re under attacks on our end. Continue reading →

Daily Transmission #35: Fairy Warrior

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It’s a lazy Saturday, so why not color something!

This is the Fairy Warrior, a character I created for Power Pencils and originally intended to be part of the Pencil of Stories ornament set, but I ran out of time to make the ornament. He has a backstory that I may get to at some other time. Or maybe you can tell me his story.

Want to color your own? Here’s a black and white version.

Click to make it big, print it out and color as you wish. I’d love to see your finished product. Send me the results: Dan@PowerPencils.com.

Happy Saturday!

Better Than Jetpacks?

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I’ve already tackled the Time Travel Paradox, so I’m pretty good at science things. And now I’m confident that I have solved all of our transportation problems. The hard part is done. All we need is some strong rope.

First, let’s cover the basics.

ISS OneAbout 250 miles above Earth, the International Space Station is soaring around the planet at speeds of five miles per second. It stays up there thanks to the Earth’s gravitational force and orbits and maybe a little magic and magnets. Whatever. Point is, it’s up there and it’s moving fast and it doesn’t need a push. It will spin around the Earth forever!

ISS TwoYou can download apps that tell you when the Space Station is over your head and on clear nights, you can see it soar above you. I’ve done it. It’s fun. It looks like a bright star traveling in a very smooth arc across the sky. I waved, but the astronauts never waved back, probably because they’re eating dinner.

Let’s say a friendly astronaut inside the I.S.S. lowers a rope down to Earth, a very strong rope. How does it get to Earth? Not my problem. Maybe it’s shot down to Earth via tiny rocket.

ISS ThreeNow, we don’t want the rope to drag on Earth, ruining our lawns and ensnaring our cars and helicopters, so the astronaut would need to lower it down for someone to grab, and then hoist it up above the treeline.

With me?

So I’m on the ground, and I see the rope and I grab it. And now, I get to travel around the world without using any fuel, just the power of orbiting space stations and science.

ISS Four

And that’s how I become Space Tarzan and end terrorism.

ISS Five

The End

This post has been brought to you by PowerPencils.com. When not reinventing the goddamn wheel, I make and sell magic pencils!

Darth Vader Had A Castle?

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Vader CastleDid you know Darth Vader had a castle? Because he had a castle! That’s where he lived. He lived in his Darth Vader Castle!

To Star Wars fans, this is nothing new. They already know all about Darth Vader’s castle. But I didn’t know.

I just found out. I just learned that Darth Vader had a goddamn castle! This is amazing! And then I drew it!

And it was rumored to be included in The Empire Strikes Back.

There was a sketch of it, and everything!

Darth Vader had a castle!

I mean…of course he would have a castle. But until today, I just thought he lived in outer space the whole time. But he had a home. It was a castle. It was a real castle! I bet it had a cushy velvet sofa and a big dinning room table and big scary pictures on the walls and trap doors and hidden passageways and a seven dungeons and a launch pad and a room with relics!

It was called Bast Castle!

Darth Vader’s castle had a name! And the name was Bast! And that’s the coolest name for a castle! That castle could kick the ass of those boring Game of Thrones castles.

Look, maybe I’m just high on Star Wars right now, but finding out that Darth Vader had a castle is the best Christmas present I’ve recieved and it (almost) makes me want to read some of those non-cannon Star Wars books. Because if Darth Vader had a castle, what else was I missing?

Did Han Solo have a jetpack?

This is brought to you by PowerPencils.com! For a limited time, use coupon code PENCIL10 and receive 10% off your order!