So far, I’d say the Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar has been wonderful this year. The first week gave us sail barges, sand crawlers, Frisco and an Ewok playset.

I’m thinking today’s item will be a mini-figure, since Frisco seems lonely.

What lives behind the cardboard door? Continue reading →

Happy Hanukkah! I built my own menorah out of Lego, and will use Lego people as the candles. Is it traditional? No. But Batman is the centerpiece, so I think God would approve.

If you’ve read these blogs thoroughly, you’ll know I’m half-Jewish. My father is Jewish and still attends services Friday nights. My mother was a Christian Sunday School teacher for most of her life. And they loved each other, and made it work. So I’m the best of both worlds! My parents never forced my brother or me into one religion or the other. Instead, they answered questions if we had them, and then let us figure things out on our own. My beliefs were forged from that and lead to the creation of “Dan Bergstein’s Life Path System of Living.” The first four rules of “Dan Bergstein’s Life Path System of Living” are as follows:

Rule 1: Be Good.
Rule 2: Be Humble. (Which is difficult because I’m so very pretty.)
Rule 3: Treat all people with respect and kindness, even if you’re feeling cranky.
Rule 4: Don’t just assume you know karate.

These rules have treated me well in life.

Because I didn’t have a menorah, and because counting things via Lego is how I spend most of December, I decided to build one. My girlfriend helped, because it took some time to find all the pieces in my Lego bucket. I’m very pleased with the end result.

And now you ask, “Since you’re half-Jewish, are you only gonna ‘light’ four of them candles?”

No. That’s stupid. I don’t stop my countdown to the birth of Jesus on Day 12.

And then you say, “You shouldn’t be playing with them toys, nerd.” And then I nearly forget Rule 4 of “Dan Bergstein’s Life Path System of Living.”

Bee Girl is the first candle, and I’m sure there’s a Maccabees/Bee Girl joke to be made, but I’m not sure what the joke is. Thoughts?

Yesterday’s Lego calendar item was confusing but interesting. Today’s item is… Continue reading →

Yesterday was a very Christmas-y day. My girlfriend and I went to an indie craft show (which is just a craft show, but because it has “indie” in the title, I feel like a cool hip man). That’s where we bought the ornament you see above. She’s a gnome. Her name is Hazel. She comes to life at night and protects us from evil.

I’m always tempted to sell my Power Pencils (easily available at PowerPencis.com!) at one of these events. But there are three problems:

1. I don’t have much inventory. My operation is small, so I keep inventory as low as possible so that I’m not stuck with excess product — because if you have magic pencils just sitting around, chances are good that burglars or the Evil Queen Rantula will hunt you down and steal them…and then it’s game over, Earth. (For more on Queen Rantula, please read the instruction manuals included with every Power Pencil.) So if I had a table at a craft show, it would look tiny and empty. That’s not good for sales.

2. Pencils are small and easily stolen. Most craft sellers have items too large to just swipe from a table, but I worry that my precious pencils would be eaten up by thieves (and evil Queen Rantula’s goons). When people see pencils on a table, they’ll just assume they’re free. I could hide them behind glass cases, but then I’d need to buy glass cases.

3. I’m scared.

So that’s why I’m not selling Power Pencils at craft shows…yet.

After the craft show, my girlfriend and I watched Star Wars: Episode 4. Still great! But why doesn’t Wedge get a medal at the end? Dude was up there flying around the Death Star. Dude risked his life. Give him a medal! And Chewie gets one too!

So far, most of the items in the Lego Calendar have been Tatooine-focused. Maybe today I’ll get blue milk or Aunt Beru’s charred corpse! (That was dark. I’m sorry.)

Today’s item is… Continue reading →

Of all the holiday songs, the one I loathe above all others, even above the dreaded “Christmas Shoes,” is “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” I hate it. I’d rather listen to hot molten lava slowly cooling inside my ear canal than sit through the entire song. It’s the worst.

Maybe it was fun the first time it was performed. Maybe as part of a Broadway show it works just fine. But as a stand-alone song, it’s worse than all the ringtones in the world played at once. And it’s not even the mild, implied sexual assault that irks me. I just hate it. I hate that every celebrity in the world sings it, and we’re all supposed to applaud and say, “My God, that duet was so playful and delightful! I truly felt that it was cold outside! Bravo!”

And every year, there are 20 more versions of it! Please, can we stop? Can we agree that the song is ruining our lives and minds? Am I alone? Am I the only one who hates this song? WHY DO THEY KEEP SINGING IT?!?!?

Even now, sitting here thinking about, I’m getting angry.

Luckily, I have a Lego surprise. And that surprise is… Continue reading →

I was pretty harsh about yesterday’s item. I really like it. So after a restless night of sleep, I’m adjusting yesterday’s score to a 2.9 out of 5. I’m sorry.

We’ve seen three things from the Lego calendar thus far, and none of them are minifigures. That means today’s item is… Continue reading →

I haven’t bought my tickets to see The Force Awakens yet. I don’t plan on seeing it opening day, because the crowds and the lines and all those lousy kids with their sticky light sabers being waved in front of my frowny face.

I hope to see it a few days after the premier, which means I’ll probably need to avoid social media for fear of spoilers. It’s a tough situation. I hope we can all collectively agree not to spoil the movie for each other. I think we’re mature enough to keep secrets. So if it turns out that Luke is now a villain or that Han Solo is really Boba Fett’s uncle, don’t scream it to the world. That won’t make you cool. (Wearing Beats headphones in a movie theater doesn’t make you cool, either.)

However, I kinda hope there isn’t much to spoil about the movie. I don’t want the movie to be a whole lot of, “You’re not going to believe this, but so-and-so is related to what’s-his-name!” Though So-And-So could be a cool Star Wars name.)

Remember the first Star Wars movie, back when it was just called Star Wars? Was there much to spoil there? Nope. It was just a great adventure movie in space. And that’s what I want The Force Awakens to be. I just want a great adventure movie in space. So if Princess Leia’s second cousin turns out to be Obi-Wan Kenobi’s former dentist, that’s fine…but it’s not why I’m seeing the movie. And if Yoda’s ghost is living inside BB-8’s ball, well…that’d be pretty cool, actually.

And with that, let’s see what today’s Lego item is… Continue reading →

Welcome back!

It’s the most wonderous time of the year! It’s Lego Advent Calendar time!

Sound the trumpets and gong the gongs! We have 24 days of surprises and suspense!

If this is your first time reading these blogs, go straight to hell where you belong!

Or, catch up right here:

Year One
Year Two
Year Three – The most terrible year. Still angry.
Year Four
Year Five

This is the sixth year of these blogs and it’s still one of the highlights of the entire holiday season for me. Though I know there will be days of disappointment, and days of anger, there will also be days of joy and every day will have a Lego thing!

This year, I went with the Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar. The reasons are many:

First, the City Calendar this year looked like another retread of the cops-n-robbers motif. I’ve been down that road too many times. I love the Lego City stuff, but I hope next year’s City calendar is about more than just a burglary or fire. Why not theme centered on Santa’s workshop? With a Mrs. Claus!? Come on Lego. Do better in 2016.

Second, Star Wars is amazing and this season everything is Star Wars! I’m excited for the new movie. I’ll probably write thousands of words on that later in this blog. Just know that I’m a Star Wars fan.

And third, the Lego Friends Advent Calendar hurts.

There was talk of opening a different Advent Calendar. Playmobil has a few that seem cool, and it’s something I may explore in the future when I’m wealthy enough from my magic pencil empire to buy two toy calendars.

So, Star Wars it is!

As always, my amazing girlfriend was kind enough to wrap the calendar up and tape paper over some of the spoilers on the box. Lego ruins everything by showing way too much on the box art. I would pay $10 more for a plain cardboard box. I try my very best to avoid Lego Advent Calendar spoilers. Says so on my résumé.

And this is what the playmat looks like. It’s dirt or sand. The mind races with what will pop out of the calendar to fill this landscape!

And so, with trembling hands and the sound of Christmas music in the background, I open the first door to find… Continue reading →