2011 Lego Advent Calendar: Day 6

Are you curious to see what was in the Star Wars Lego Calendar this year? I went with the City calendar, and judging by the items I’ve gotten compared to those items in the Star Wars set, I made the right choice. Still, I highly recommend you check out the following videos made each day by folks with the Star Wars Lego Advent Calendar.

Toy Break’s YouTube Channel

X-Entertainment’s YouTube Channel

Today’s item in the City calendar will certainly be another prison wall. Right? RIGHT?

Make your predictions now and read below…

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2011 Lego Advent Calendar: Day 5

My brother came to town for an anniversary party and after the party, we thought it’d be fun to go through the old Christmas ornaments in my dad’s attic. And then we found a mouse nest in the big cardboard ornament box along with rodent poo. And then Christmas was ruined.

[blank face]

You know what’s in the Calendar today. I know it. We all know it. So let’s stop being coy and start being disappointed.

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2011 Lego Advent Calendar: Day 4


Not to brag, but the picture to the right is of my famous Dan’s Dessert Disc for Your Mouth. It looked better than it tasted. If you want to make you own, watch my instructional video, and check your blood sugar.

On to Day 4 of the calendar. So far, I’m enjoying the hell out of this year’s countdown. Crooks? Cops? Weapons? What more could you want?!

Alas, if the previous year is any indication, not all days will be outstanding. For every unforgettable Naked Shower Santa last year, there was a forgettable Lego Couch…which I literally forgot about until I reread the blogs.

Now I’m waiting for the crappy items of 2011 to reveal themselves.

Today’s item isn’t “crappy” nor is it crappy or CRAPPY. But I’m not jigging.

Read on to find out why.

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2011 Lego Advent Calendar: Day 3


I made another unnecessary trip to the Lego Store. Had to. The world I am creating needs its own Lego mat and walls. The calendar comes with a printed cardboard mat, featuring a snow scene, but the pieces slide off too easily. I need a Lego mat. I could use the green mat I got last year, but then the Goat family will have no floor.

I’ve been asked if the Goats will make an appearance this year, and the answer is yes, but not yet. More on that later.

Right now I’m focusing on the 2011 Lego World. This burgeoning town needs a name, and that name is: Barbaria.

My girlfriend and I drove 100 miles round trip to the nearest Lego Store just so I could pick the right bricks needed to create the town of Barbaria.

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2011 Lego Advent Calendar: Day 2


Maybe it’s because the weather has finally agreed to be cold, or maybe it’s the fact that I was up until five in the morning drawing the 12 Days of Christmas (seen here), but I’m certainly in the holiday spirit today. Also, I’m tired.

Speaking of the 12 Days of Christmas drawings, my favorite is the “Six Geese a’ Laying.” That drawing is what I most want to be remembered for.

Today’s item better be great. I’m in the mood for something that will make me cackle and jig. Yesterday I was surprised to meet my first Lego criminal, Jerry “The Walrus” Callahan, and now I’m worried that today’s item may be The Walrus’ first victim.

What’s behind Door Number 2?

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2011 Lego Advent Calendar: Day 1!!!!!!!!


It’s here! It’s finally here! This is the first day of the glorious Lego Advent Calendar. If you have no idea what the Lego Advent Calendar is, it’s a calendar that counts down the days until Christmas. Behind each cardboard door is a daily Lego treasure. Click here to read last year’s epic month of plastic.

I know some religions treat Advent with reverence, as it relates to the birth of Jesus, but I doubt anyone is buying the Lego Advent Calendar to help develop their relationship with God.

Looking at the box, this year’s calendars seems downright sinister! Something is wrong in this Lego world. Something wicked is afoot. There is trouble on the streets. The only law is anarchy! Is the town corrupt? Can anyone save this Christmas? There are Lego handcuffs!!?!

Why can’t I open all the doors now!!!!???

I’m not gazing too closely at the box art, because that will give away some of the surprises. Last year’s box featured Cynthia, the sausage girl, and oh how I pined for that woman. I don’t see anything quite as spectacular as a girl holding sausage, though if you look in the lower left corner you will see…Bernie, the fisherman!

He has a fish! And a pole! And…(calm down). Bernie will arrive when Bernie is good and ready.

Enough chit-chat! Let’s get started. Last year, the first day brought forth Robot Snowman. What do you think lives behind this door number one?

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LaserFarm’s First Birthday!

LaserFarm.com was launched a year ago, and what a year it’s been. From Lego Advent Calendars to Daily Monsters, this webzone has seen it all.

For the occasion, I drew this.

That’s not a boob at the bottom. It’s a cupcake, seen from directly above. It has pink icing and yellow sprinkles. The blue candle is in the middle. The orange is the fire. Pretty good, right?

Fine.

It sucks. I know. I kinda phoned this one in. But hey, remember when I painted that octopus? That was cool, right?

And remember when I used to answer Parade Magazine questions? Ho-ho! What a laugh!

Thank you for your continued support. You are my life now.

December Preview

NaNoWriMo kicked my ass and I admit defeat. With only 3 days to finish my novel I’m left with a few options:

1. Give up.

2. Write 25,000 poorly chosen words in 72 hours all for the sake of “winning.”

3. Put the story on hold and prepare for the very best month of them all.

I’m going with the third option.

This does not mean the adventures of Space Ape Samuel Chichester will go untold. I am working on the story every day, though I’ll no longer be publishing the rough draft here on Laser Farm.

Instead, I’ll publish the entire, revised, book in January.

Since the second day of NaNoWriMo I wanted to rewrite the story and focus on certain things and delete other ideas. This is my chance to do just that. When finished, the book will be leaner, funnier, more exciting, and less ungood.

NaNoWriMo is a fun exercise, and I plan to participate next year. I apologize to those whom I let down.

So, what can you expect from Laser Farm in December? Pure internet joy.

The Lego Advent Calendar shall once again be opened. Starting on December 1st, I’ll open one of the calendar doors and reveal the treasure inside. Amazing photos will accompany the wonderful words. Video too…maybe. You still have time to buy your own Lego Calendar if you want to join the fun.

There are two calendars this year: The Star Wars Calendar, and the regular City Calendar (set #7553). I’m opening the City Calendar.

Email any photos of your own Advent calendars, Lego or otherwise, and I’ll try to post them along with the daily blog. (dan@laserfarm.com)

Speaking of photos, the amazing Pauline on Facebook made this shirt for the Breaking Dawn movie. The front of the shirt says “Team Optimus Beyonce.” This is the best shirt of all time. Pauline, you are a perfect person.

Speaking of shirts, you can buy your own Team Dan T-shirts from my Cafepress store. Read the descriptions carefully. Some have “Place Jetpack Here” written on the back, and some do not.

I have more surprises and treats planned for December, including short stories, poems, drawings, and words.

In January, I’ll finally be starting up The Dan Bergstein Interview Project after months of planning.

Also in January, Monster of the Day will be back along with some new ____ of the Day items. Dan’s Lie of the Day on Twitter will make its triumphant return as well.

Things on the Laser Farm will be quite busy.

And, of course, there are some amazing articles and videos planned for SparkNotes. Maybe even a video live-blog of a Christmas movie…

You have been warned.

Hope you had a fun NaNoWriMo.

You are my life now,
Dan

Trees Suck! (And some updates)

First: I am without electricity thanks to the Storm of the Eon. According to my power company, I may have electricity on Friday. Yay!

Second: I’m still doing NaNoWriMo. Updates will be found here on Laser Farm. Updates will be daily…hopefully.

Second (Part Two): Made this video just for you: CLICK IT!

Third (Part One): Did you read my New Halloween Safety Rules? Click here for the fun. And click here for my old Blogging It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown!

Every Quil Joke From Blogging Twilight

Here is every Quil joke from Blogging Twilight.


Blogging Eclipse: Part 8
It begins!
QUIL: You look lovely tonight, Claire. Is that OshKosh B’gosh? It’s very becoming.
CLAIRE: You face is funny. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
QUIL: Claire, you’re so witty.
CLAIRE: Chicken ‘uggets!
QUIL: Are you hungry?
CLAIRE: I want chicken ‘uggets!
QUIL: I’m not sure they have chicken nuggets on the menu, my love.
CLAIRE: [PUTS HAND ON HEAD] I’m a rabbit!
QUIL: Um…ok.
CLAIRE: Can I go on slide?
QUIL: You mean at the park? Put down the fork, my dearest. It’s not a toy.
CLAIRE: Can I slide at park?
QUIL: But the park is far away. And it’s nighttime.
CLAIRE: Why [unintelligible] the man [unintelligible] a horse? Drum!
QUIL: Um…
CLAIRE: Train?
QUIL: No, we can’t go on the train tonight, honey. Put down the spoon. Where is your shoe?
CLAIRE: Twinkle! Twinkle! Little! Star! [BANGS SPOON ON THE TABLE]
QUIL: I love you too.


Blogging Eclipse: Part 9

QUIL: You should have seen her on the motorcycle. I’ve seen toddlers with better balance. And I would know. I’m dating one!

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