There are two things I can draw well: A triangle and the letter W. No one will ever accuse me of being a great artist because A) Why would you “accuse” someone of that unless you’re trying to solve a murder that was obviously caused by a great artist, and B) Salt shakers are more artistically adept than I am. Luckily, anyone can fake talent by using a Paint by Numbers kit. (Available at any store that smells pathetic.) With nothing better to do this weekend, I attempted one of these projects.

According to the box, this is how the final painting should look.

I made a few, slight alterations to give the work deeper meaning. Click below to view my masterpiece.

You’ll notice I darkened the clouds to give the piece an intense feeling of sexuality and remorse.

The man being crushed to death by the tentacle represents modern society’s struggle with identity.

The man shooting the Sea Beast with a rifle represents fertility.

If you own a museum and would like to show my work, please return my phone calls.