Do you know about Wawa? If you live in the Mid-Atlantic region, you do. Of course you do. Hell, you’re probably there right now. But to those poor souls not from the area, gather ‘round and I shall tell you of the oasis that is Wawa.
It’s a gas station with sandwiches.
The End
Hold on. I don’t think I did it justice. Continue reading
Job Posting
A global media company is seeking an experienced writer to generate content for multiple channels. We value our creative talent and offer competitive benefits and salary.
Position:
Writer
Responsibilities:
The qualified applicant will write and publish daily content as well as take and edit all photographs for the entire company…and they better be good. In fact, don’t worry so much about making words. If you could just put together some amazing photos and logos…and videos! You’re good with video, too right? Most writers are. Isn’t there a Mark Twain award for video production? Should be. When not making videos and short films and shareable gifs, you will also be required to organize all of our data into measurable, easy-to-digest info nuggets. For instance, how many readers of your video actually engaged with the content? Just imagine how much better Moby Dick would have been had the author also published detailed analytical data regarding reader engagement and “likes”? Is a writer who doesn’t spend 94% of their workday navigating Google Analytics really a writer at all? And you will also do your own marketing during your personal time, so plan to spend nights and weekends bragging about your content and our company to friends and family. (We have a marketing department, but really, can’t you just do it?) As a writer, you’ll also need to do a substantial amount of baking. Get started at 3 a.m. so the bread is fresh and warm when we need it. And how are you with kites? Pretty good, we hope. The role of the writer also includes mild carpentry and you should be able to lift 60-lbs. over your head…and then onto a truck. Oh, and we don’t have a desk for you, so set yourself up in your car in the parking lot — but not too close to the building. The writer is also responsible for single-handedly saving this company from bankruptcy and failure to show provable results within two hours of hiring will result in public humiliation at company-wide meeting as the CEO will look at you and simply say, “Well?” in a very angry manner. And you have to generate the electricity which runs the building and you’ll be in charge of public relations and computer coding and if we get sick, you have to make us better.
Qualifications
8 years experience in fast-moving environment
Bachelor’s Degree in related field
Ringing endorsement from town big-wig
Master’s Degree in Business/Accounting or Engineering
Art Degree from Real School We’ve Heard Of
Photos published in National Geographic (maps don’t count!)
Certificate proving you ran the mile in elementary school
Knot-tying award
Thumbs up from our doctor
Ability to withstand cold
Eye for fashion and investment opportunities
Coal mining or related experience
Ducks come to you when you call them
Gold or Silver Olympic Medal
Compensation:
$4 an hour plus a T-shirt (if you sign up for softball), but if you save the entire company, we can revisit your salary.
Please send resume, two writing samples, and a letter of recommendation from our current boss to the address provided in a secret website only accessible to current employees.
Last week I shared a drawing of a Fairy Warrior and invited readers to color their own Fairy Warrior.
This is from Jessica P. who totally nailed it!
Thanks, Jessica! This is fantastic! You win 101 Dan Points!
I have a lot of great ideas. This s one them.
Dan’s Deviled Egg Bar
One Sentence Pitch:
Imagine a self-serve frozen yogurt restaurant, but instead of yogurt, out comes deviled egg filling.
Detailed Concept:
Deviled eggs are delicious, but who has the time? And you can’t simply make one deviled egg, or even two — you usually need to make at least a dozen and if you’re alone, you end up throwing three of those eggs away because you’re full.
Dan’s Deviled Egg Bar will offer customers the convenience and efficiency of single-serve deviled eggs ready whenever the egg-appetite strikes. No more wasted eggs or kitchen messes. At Dan’s Deviled Egg Bar, we do all the work…and more!
“How does it work?” Continue reading
It’s a lazy Saturday, so why not color something!
This is the Fairy Warrior, a character I created for Power Pencils and originally intended to be part of the Pencil of Stories ornament set, but I ran out of time to make the ornament. He has a backstory that I may get to at some other time. Or maybe you can tell me his story.
Want to color your own? Here’s a black and white version.
Click to make it big, print it out and color as you wish. I’d love to see your finished product. Send me the results: Dan@PowerPencils.com.
Happy Saturday!
You may find yourself at a Super Bowl party this Sunday, and you may feel the need to talk about sports. If you don’t know anything about sports, relax. I’ve got your covered. Become a conversation all-star with any of these sport facts!
“Touchdown” is short for “To Touch the Crown” taken from the poem “League of Kings” published in 1802. It originally referred only to horse racing.
Each black stripe on an official’s uniform represents an unjust murder.
One player on each team spends the entire game in the temple, praying for peace.
The shape of the football is the exact orbital arc of Earth around the sun.
The left goalpost is called “The Joseph” and the right post is called “Yella’ Tommy.” The bar connecting the two is known as “Cat’s Trough.”
The extra point was introduced in 1972 after a Green Bay player did a very good job and the officials felt the entire team should be rewarded for his bravery.
There are 100 yards on a football field — ten yards for every letter in the word “football” plus twenty yards for good luck.
The average American will spend 45-seconds of the Super Bowl saying the word “Holding!”
Whichever player picks up a yellow flag tossed by an official receives three secret bonus tokens that can be used to buy snacks and goodies from the cart in the locker room.
The 1982 Super Bowl ended in a 0 to 0 tie after both teams agreed to share the trophy.
If the quarterback throws the ball, and the ball hits a bird, the bird (if it survives) is technically part of the team and must be paid the league minimum salary.
No one in the NFL is currently named Meredith, but it can be a boy’s name.
Coaches often cover their mouths when giving instructions because they worry about spreading germs and getting their key players sick.
More people will watch the Super Bowl than were stung by a bee this year. And it’s only getting worse.
My desk is an ever-evolving collection of things. It operates like a museum, with temporary exhibits and a few permanent showstoppers. I tend to clean off the entire desk every December when it’s time to decorate for the holidays, and then in January items and nick-nacks find their way on the desk.
Because the day is getting away from me and I refuse to let a day pass without posting anything, today’s Daily Transmission is the first in a series. Here are five things I look at when I can’t think of anything else to write.
Belvedere Zippo Lighters
In 10th grade, my history teacher gave us an assignment to write a paper explaining our own thoughts on the Kennedy assassination. I wrote a detailed, though silly, explanation on how Mr. Belvedere was involved. (Of all the old TV shows about butlers/housekeepers, Mr. Belvedere was one of the very worst.) My gruff and grumpy teacher gave me an A on the paper, laughed and said I should be writer. So I became a writer, because I’m easily influenced. When I received my very first paycheck as a very real writer ($200 for a magazine article in 2001), I used most of the money to buy myself a lighter with the word “Belvedere” engraved on it to remind me of how it all started. Years later, I thought I lost the original lighter, and had another made with “Belvedere II” engraved on it. I’m not a smoker. I just like having a lighter as a small, lucky trophy. Continue reading
Dear Mr. Bill Waterson:
This letter is to inform you that we here at Imagination Productions are very interested in transforming your Calvin and Hobbes comic strip into a big budget film series. While you may scoff, we ask that you hear us out. We know what we’re doing. You can trust us.
If the success of recent films such as Smurfs and the upcoming Smurfs: The Lost Village are any indication, audiences are mildly eager to see beloved characters from the 80s and 90s on the big screen! Now it can finally be your turn for the Hollywood spotlight!
We have already worked out a treatment for the Calvin and Hobbes movie. Continue reading
We have the title for the next Star Wars movie and now we know how the movie will start! This is the opening crawl of the movie. We have confirmed it 100%! Please share now before Disney takes it down! (Full text below the images.)
Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
The galaxy is a mess. It’s a mess. It’s an all the way mess. The First Order has begun preparations on a new planet-sized weapon called The Kill Cannon. Meanwhile, the Resistance is very sad most of the time despite the fact that they have cool spaceships and laser guns. It’s like…what more do you want?
Anyway, Rey has handed the lightsaber to Luke, and Luke gave her a cryptic frown as if he tasted beer for the first time in front of cool guys and doesn’t want them to know he thinks it tastes bad.
Rey and Luke then talked for a bit. Luke asked, “Did you see my robot hand?” And Rey didn’t seem that interested. And Luke said, “Want me to build you one?” And Rey said her hands were fine, and that pissed Luke off for some reason. And he made her do all these chores for no real reason!
Meanwhile, Poe found the missing locket that, when placed inside The Kill Cannon’s engine core, will make everything go BLAST-O! And Finn’s okay, but…well, you’ll see.
So now sit back and get ready! Because here comes the first part of the movie! There’s going to be a whooshing shot of spaceships! Oh, and Lando’s in this one! Don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret. This part of the song is the best…duh, duh, duh daaah! DAH! Duuuh! DAAAAH!
In an effort to inform viewers, the National Weather Service would like to take a moment to explain the definition of specific weather warnings and events.
Winter Weather Advisory – Cold rain mixing with hours of undeserved news footage. Roads will be damp and covered by video cameras. School children will first get excited and then disappointed. That said, you should still buy bread in a frenzy.
Winter Storm Watch – Something stirs in the distance. What is it? What’s out there? How can you predict chaos? We can’t yet make out what our doom shall be: Snow? Ice? Falcons? Nothing at all? Gather your loved ones and huddle by the fire. Anything may occur. Our science has failed us. We know not our devil.
Winter Storm Warning – There will be snow! Everything shuts down for at least twelve hours. Snow day! You will have so much free time! You’ve been waiting for a good snow day all winter. The day is filled with possibilities! Buy bread, milk, eggs, paint for the living room, nine jigsaw puzzles, a closet organizer, a book on writing your own screenplay, paint for the kitchen, a grown-up coloring book and 1,000 colored pencils, a book on knitting, yarn, knitting needles, a cookbook, a bread maker, putty so you can finally fix that hole in the hallway, hallway paint, 10 frames for pictures you’ve been meaning to hang, a tool belt, book about meditation for beginners, book about history, seven very complicated board games still sealed in their boxes, all kinds of books, miner’s helmet and pickax (you’re finally going to dig that mine you’ve been talking about!), book on making your own shoes, another coloring book, a computer program for scanning old family photos, and one more book! [After making necessary preparations for a snow day, spend the entire day watching NetFlix instead of doing anything]
Winter Weather Ahoy – The ground will get a dusting of snow. Fire up the Instagram machine of your choice and prepare to take a minimum of 25 pictures of snow — taking less only angers the storm. Continue reading