There is no sense making you wait through a bunch of dumb introductory words to get to today’s fantastic, awe-inspiring item.
To stall any longer would be a cruel punishment reserved for only the naughtiest humans.
You need to see this prize now.
Take a breath and witness the highlight of the calendar.
Today’s item is… Continue reading
I got through Death Mountain in Zelda 2. It was hell. It was pure hell.
The maze of caves and enemies seemed impossible. As soon as I reached the other side of the mountain, I would be easily killed by a random enemy and had to do the entire maze ALL OVER AGAIN!
And then, your reward for getting to the other side is ANOTHER cave you must fight through to get the hammer. And if you die in there, you have to go ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE BEGINNING! Just for a dumb-ass hammer!
But, it is now the longest and darkest night of the year and it’s only fitting to spend it playing the longest and darkest game of all time.
Keep in mind, getting through Death Mountain leads you to the third palace. The third one. I’m only on the third “level” of this nightmare. There are six palaces in all. If I make it through this, I should win a car.
Speaking of prizes, in today’s Lego Calendar we find… Continue reading
We’re in the home stretch now, with just a few more days until it all comes crashing down on our heads like a shower of rocks.
Am I stressed? I don’t have time to answer that.
Am I worried about getting everything done? Please stop asking questions.
Will I ever finish Blogging Harry Potter? Come on, man. You know that’s not gonna happen due to corporate entities owning…ugh. Whatever. Don’t have time to get into this now. I love you, but I need to plow through this fast and get to the stores and try not to start a kick-fight with my lovely fellow shoppers.
Today we get… Continue reading
I saw Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse last night. It’s a pop-art dreamscape filled with originality, creativity, joy and wonder. It’s unlike any movie I’ve ever seen.
I liked it very much.
It took my brain a few minutes to adjust to what I was seeing, but soon everything clicked and I had a great time. See this movie!
Nic Cage has a small role as Spider-Man Noir. He also stars in Mandy, released earlier this year. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse and Mandy are two of the most spectacular psychedelic mind-trips you can take without drugs. And if you watch them back-to-back, your body will turn into crystal and your soul will ignite the planet.
Please note: These two movies exist on opposite ends of the “Friendly” spectrum. Spider-Man is a happy, fun movie. Mandy is a gory, over-the-top psycho horror show, and not something you should watch with the family this holiday season. (It’s best watched alone, in your room, with the lights out and nothing but your own sanity to keep you company.) But both films push the envelope of what human eyeballs can handle. And Nic Cage is in both. And I love him for that.
I’ll spend most of this week thinking about different types of Spider-Men and Spider-Women and Spider-Robots. But I will take a break from such scholarly pursuits to open the Lego Calendar! Today we find… Continue reading
If you want some sweet, sweet Power Pencils, and you need it by Christmas, today is your last day to order!
If you’d rather have a bucket of stale popcorn, I’m sure there are other retailers who can accommodate your sad, pathetic needs.
In today’s calendar, we get… Continue reading
Is the singer of “The 12 Days of Christmas” bragging, or is he/she being sarcastic?
Does the person really dig all those birds and drummers? Or is it more like, “You gotta hear this, man! My girl is crazy! I’m here, like: How about a skateboard? And she’s all like…BAM….take these turtle doves. Crazy, right?”
What if the song is one big stand-up routine?
Moving on to the world of Lego, today we find… Continue reading
I just saw a report on CBS Sunday Morning about Lego attempting to switch from oil-based plastic to more sustainable alternatives, like plant materials.
If successful, future Lego Calendars could be sold as salad!
And what a delicious salad this year’s calendar is. It’s turning out to be one of the better toy calendars I’ve opened.
Will that continue as we enter the final week?
Let’s see! Today we get… Continue reading
Keeping it short today because time is bleeding out of this holiday season and every second counts, particularly on the weekend.
But first, consider this: Candy canes with hooks at BOTH ends to enable long candy cane chains? And a grappling hook-shaped candy cane? That’d be cool!
Please send me a billion dollars for that idea.
You’re welcome!
In today’s calendar, we find… Continue reading
You have to imagine that one day humans will leave Earth and establish civilizations on other planets and space stations. And when that happens, we will need to adjust the Santa mythos to accommodate interplanetary travel, wildly different time-zones and an overall population increase.
That’s what I plan to think about this weekend instead of getting things done. You should too.
What does the calendar offer us today? Continue reading
Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link is too hard.
After defeating the first Zelda, I felt it was time to tackle the NES sequel. I know it’s a different type of game, with side-scrolling action and a weird overworld map to navigate, but I didn’t expect it to be so hard.
It took me most of the night just to get through the first palace and I was crying rage tears the entire time. My teeth are still clenched so tight that the pressure is making diamonds out of my fillings.
I know vintage NES games are tough. I grew up playing them. We were tougher back then, I guess.
Or, more likely, we only had one or two video games to play and so kids worked hard at these games because it was better than homework or sitting around outside naming constellations — the only two other pastimes in the pre-internet 1980s.
I haven’t given up…yet.
My this time tomorrow, I hope to have conquered the second palace. And I want to beat the game by Christmas. Between beating Zelda and making gingerbread men, I’m setting up all sorts of future disappointments this month! Yay!
Yesterday we got an ice cream machine. And today we get… Continue reading