The Daisy That Rose
By Dan Bergstein
Next to the rumbling highway
In the wild grasses and weeds
A small purple flower
Talked to her small purple seeds
“You will one day be planted
And then slowly you’ll grow
But listen my children
There are things yet to know”
“You can grow to the left
You can grow to the right
You can grow ziggy and zaggy
Or grow only at night”
“I won’t tell how
Or yell if you’re wrong
But let me just tell you
Of Daisy Susan, the strong” Continue reading
Continued from yesterday.
24. Try writing longhand. And then you’ll realize what a crap-show that is when your hand cramps up and everything is slow and AGH! Go back to electric wording. It’s better.
23. Writing about gadgets and tech is harder than you think.
22. Don’t brag about seeing a movie early. That doesn’t suddenly make you King of Entertainment.
21. How much have your written today? If the answer is less than 1,000 words, you’re not trying. Writing is work. Take it seriously. Get to it!
20. Try your best to never begin a headline with “Here.”
19. Even terrible websites and magazines are staffed by smart, creative people. They know how crappy their product is and are doing the best they can. Continue reading
49. Before you begin writing for the day, clap your hands together and say, “Let’s make some magic!” Then knock over a lamp.
48. The less you use parentheticals, the more effective they are. (This is a waste of them, and now when I use them later, it won’t reach maximum wonderfulness.)
47. Cormac McCarthy was given a free pass to omit standard punctuation in his novels. There was a secret ceremony and he got a special sash. You are not Cormac McCarthy. You should use standard punctuation.
46. To combat writer’s block, be a big baby about it and tell your Twitter followers, “Ugh. Terrible day. I don’t even want to talk about it. Please RT.”
45. You are trying to connect with readers. Never forget this. If you simply want to express your thoughts, write them in a diary. The goal of a professional writer is to share their work with the reader. Look at your work from he reader’s perspective. What do they want? Compare that to what you are offering them. This isn’t about you! Continue reading
Continued from yesteday.
74. When asked what you do, say, “I am a writer.” Never, ever say, “I am a content creator.” It’s bad enough you tell people you’re a writer. Don’t make it worse.
73. Typos are not the worst thing. Clutch your pearls, but it’s true. Ideas are more valuable than correct spelling and grammar. As an editor, I accepted a story with great ideas and poor grammar long before I accepted a story with mediocre ideas and correct grammar. Don’t get hung up on grammar and spelling.
72. Don’t correct a person’s spelling and grammar unless you are that person’s editor. Otherwise it’s rude. You don’t tell a stranger, “That hat is ugly. That is the wrong hat. Change your hat or else your face does not matter to the world.”
71. Sometimes people use the word “literally” literally to make a point. It’s an exaggeration. It’s okay to do that.
Example:
“After the kiss, Gretchen literally died.”
I am using the word to suggest that the reaction is so extreme it transcends figurative expression. I know what I’m doing. It’s called art, piss hole! Back off!
70. Use “piss hole” as a derogatory term. It’s gross and mean yet does not carry with it the social weight of gender modifiers or sexual preferences. It’s just a yucky, funny thing to call someone. Continue reading
I’m a writer. Here are my rules for writing. (All of which can be bent or broken.)
100. Never use, “I feel.” This should be obvious. If you’re writing an opinion, then of course it’s how you feel. Stop being so precious about it. This applies to professional writing, but also everyday conversation and social media. Your thoughts are stronger without the feels.
Example:
I feel we should stop launching dogs into space.We should stop launching dogs into space.
99. Use your third idea. Throw out your first idea because it’s probably an idea everyone has had. Your second idea will be a desperate attempt at originality, and will suffer from your desperation. But the third idea? That’s gold! [This applies to all manner of creativity, from writing headlines to painting murals.]
98. “In conclusion…” is for B- high school presentations. If you use it in your adult, big-boy wording you are not getting a TED Talk.
97. Don’t make friends read your work. My best friends in real life have never read anything I’ve written. I like it that way.
96. Don’t worry about what your family thinks.
95. Make a website. This is a great way to share your work, but it will also teach you about online formatting and presentation, required skills for digital writers.
94. Never, ever steal. Do not steal words, images or even headlines. Make your own. You’re a creative person — do the work! I have no sympathy for plagiarizers or image thieves. Continue reading
Celebrity interviews are rarely good. This is not the fault of the writer, or the interview subject. The very concept is flawed. There are only so many ways you can ask, “Tell me about your latest project,” and only so many ways a celebrity can answer.
It’s like asking, “What’s the capital of Pennsylvania?” The answer will be Harrisburg, or, if the interview subject is quite clever, “Not Miami.” You can’t ask for the capital of Pennsylvania and expect the interview subject to explain their thoughts on the human condition. There’s just not much meat in the question, or the format.
Ask a celebrity about their latest project and they will spit out the one sentence, well-rehearsed answer which will lead to a stale anecdote about something mildly funny that happened on the set of the new movie.
And the interview ends.
It’s the nature of the beast. That’s how quick, celebrity interviews are handled. (Spoiler Alert: It’s all marketing, and if you needed me to tell you that, deduct 100 points from your final score.)
I’ve interviewed between 50 and 1,000,000 people for stories during my career. I can’t keep track of them all. They happen fast and are forgotten seconds after the story is published. Continue reading
Since leaving SparkNotes, what have I been up to? Great question! Unfortunately, I’m not ready to reveal much yet, but I’m currently working on project that is different and new and exciting. It’s the type of thing that makes one lose sleep at night — in a good way, the way in which your brain is too motivated and full to stop jumping around your skull.
It’s like trying to sleep the day before Christmas and your grandma already dropped hints that you’re getting a jetpack! It’s that level of excitement.
It’s also frustrating because it takes a time.
Here’s what I can tell you:
I’m making things, but not necessarily or specifically things with words. Instead, I’m making actual, physical things…things that you can hold and smell and taste…though it probably wouldn’t taste good.
I’ve been in the writing game for over a decade, and I still love writing, but with advances in fabrication technology, it’s time to try something new! Completely new! The kind of new where you have to take classes and wear safety equipment!
And then I’ll take this new thing, combine it with the writing and….KABOOM! Something weird and wonderful will happen.
So to anyone out there who is or was a fan of my writing, you’re in for a treat. Just give me two or three months. It will be worth it. Promise.
Writing is a lonely, lonely job. Unless you’re fortunate enough to have a staff position at a media company, a writer will spend their working hours in a bubble of solitude. It’s possible and likely that a writer will spend days or decades without conversing with other human beings unless saying, “Number one, with cheese,” counts as conversation.
One possible solution to the loneliness is to join a writer’s group, where like-minded word artists can meet and discuss the work and passion of writing. Such groups will help inspire, motivate, and blow away the cobwebs of a lonely writer’s mind! Or so I thought.
Are you a fan of author Joe Hill? He’s a wonderful writer. He’s also using the powers of social media in the best way possible.
His Tumblr is filled with all kinds of writer-y goodness. His Twitter feed is fun and the opposite of PROMOTIONAL OVERLOAD. Not only has he written Locke and Key (one of the best haunted house comic books) but he’s an accomplished novelist too. His latest book, NOS4A2, sounds amazing.
If you’re looking for something to read, check him out.
He’s also Stephen King’s son.
