Time is running out to buy Power Pencils for Christmas! From best friends to grandmas, everyone loves Power Pencils! I’m sorry for shouting, I’m just very proud of Power Pencils! All holiday orders must be in by December 19th!

You can buy an Ostrich pencil!!!

Show me the person who wouldn’t love a pencil that controls ostriches. I dare you. In this time of political unrest, a pencil that controls ostriches is the perfect gift. Click here to learn more about this pencil.

Yesterday’s item wasn’t spectacular, so maybe today will offer something wonderful.

It’s…It’s… Continue reading →

I’ve received my year-end summary from GoodReads.com. I use Good Reads mostly to keep track of the books I’ve read in a year. In 2016, I’ve only read eight books, and one of those books was The Magician’s Nephew…which is for little kids.

I’m disappointed in myself.

Among my New Year’s Resolutions: Read at least one book a month.

It’s not much. I know many of you are crying tears of ridicule at my slow reading schedule. Some of you can read entire novels in a lunch break. I cannot.

But I can read a book every month. Right? Wish me luck! And if I can’t, I’ll just go back to this post and edit all this out next December.

On the 13th day of December, the calendar gave to me… Continue reading →

Today is the halfway point of the calendar! Let’s use this time to reflect on the calendar thus far.

Pros:
1. This calendar is making me a fan of Playmobil. I never hated Playmobil, but each day Jonas Cannoncube is on my desk I find myself enjoying Playmobil by one more unit of fun. As such, my Playmobil fun rating is currently 16.77. For the sake of comparison, Skyrim’s fun rating is 27.92, spiders near light switches have a fun rating of -89.1, and the fun rating for a Power Pencil is a solid 52.

2. The calendar is on-theme. Everything in this calendar is related to pirate culture or desert islands. This box is delivering on the promise of pirates.

3. The pieces are well made. I was expecting these items to be cheap and flimsy, the type of “toy prize” you win by investing $40 worth of quarters into a skeeball machine. But even the smallest Playmobil part is solid and sturdy. Throw these into a tornado of toddlers and the toys will come out the other side with minimal damage.

4. I got an evil bird.

Cons:
1. There’s nothing Christmas-y or winter-y about it. This was expected, and isn’t the fault of the calendar…really. But a nice snowman made of sand (sandman?) would be wonderful. Which brings me to the next point…

2. The calendar is a little too on-the-nose. There aren’t many surprises. Make a list of pirate things and your top items will most likely be in the box. A few random items (Sandman? Naked Santa? Time-traveling astronaut?) would have turned a good calendar into an experience akin to the first time you tasted whipped cream. I know I’m asking for too much. Just sayin’…

3. It’s half-empty.

What will today’s calendar door offer? Continue reading →

Every winter I’m reminded that within my body are millions of lightning storms that try to escape when I touch anything metal.

Due to the dry air and my mutant skin, everything in winter shocks me. Whenever I touch a metal doorknob or even a piece of foil I get shocked with enough static electricity to kill a weaker mammal. As such, I spend most of winter scared of touching things — my power too great, my magic too strong.

If I were to touch a 9-volt battery in winter, the resulting electrical phenomena would send most DeLoreans back in time and grant wishes to children who dream of being alone for Christmas. It’s that powerful.

Sure, maybe it doesn’t hurt like stepping on a nail or drinking bees, but it’s still an unpleasant experience.

If you see me during the winter months standing outside a store, staring at the metal door handle, know that I’m building up the courage necessary to hurt myself with mini-lightning and I’m worried that this electric shock might be the one that sends me back to my home realm. But I’ve said too much.

Luckily, plastic toys never hurt me…unless I step on them or use them as toothbrushes.

What will today’s calendar bring forth? Continue reading →

It’s Double-Digit Day of the calendar, and you know what that means!??!

It doesn’t mean anything, really.

We are waist-deep in the holiday season. Even those who turned up their noses and middle fingers at the cool people who decorated in November are now giving in to the joy and wonder and shopping and traffic. Christmas is here. Accept it!

It’s everyone’s goal to get all the holiday chores (shopping, mostly) out of the way this weekend, freeing up next weekend to spend curled up on the couch reading online Star Wars theories.

But first things first — toy calendar time!

I might need your help with today’s item.

It’s… Continue reading →

Christmas is on a Sunday this year. That’s terrible.

That screws everything up.

It’s like when you’re a kid and you get a snow storm…ON SATURDAY! So guess what, school will be wide open on Monday.

It also eats into the final weekend before Christmas because you lose that Sunday, and most of Saturday since it’s Christmas Eve.

That means we have only two true weekends before Christmas.

Don’t panic. We will get through this. We always do. (And you can still order fantastic presents from PowerPencils.com!)

Before we open the calendar, I want to point out that there’s a hole in the background of the playset/playmat.

I think something will fit into that hole. Treasure? Hammock? Mrs. Claus? The anticipation is killing me!

Today’s glorious item from the calendar is… Continue reading →

Last January I gave up soda and I haven’t had a single drop since. I’m not bragging; I’m whining.

I was doing fine living the rest of the year sans soda, but I never recognized the thick chain of sense memory that connects soda to Christmas in my head. There was always soda with Christmas. Decembers were filled with Santa Claus Coke cans, big heavy bottles of ginger ale, even the random swig of Dr. Pepper.

I miss it.

Biologically, I’m better off without sugar syrup as the base of my food pyramid.

Psychologically, I really want a Coke. Lots of ice.

But I won’t give in. I will be strong. The key is to fill the old addiction with something positive. So, instead of soda, I drink more deviled egg filling, which I call “Chicken Whip.”

Opening a toy calendar every day is a nice distraction from the soda that surrounds us this time of year.

Today we get…
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Pirates of olden times were blood-thirsty criminals, and yet they have become popular characters for children. Time has softened their danger. Will the children of 2150 be opening a Playmobil Terrorist Calendar?

Too much? That was too much, right? Let me walk that back.

Will the children of 2150 be opening a Playmobil Cyberbully Calendar?

Looking at the above picture, you can kind of tell what today’s item is. And, spoiler alert, it’s a mighty one.

Today we get… Continue reading →

Today is Santa Claus Day in Europe. Children in Germany are visited by Santa on December 6th, and he fills their socks and shoes with treats. I’m not expecting Santa Claus in this calendar (and to ask for a Mrs. Claus is a fool’s request, for she is as elusive as world peace — existing only in our minds and our un-granted birthday wishes).

What I’d really like out of this calendar is some treasure — good, shiny treasure. Gems. Jewels. Gold coins. A crown, if possible. Toy treasure is wonderful because it can work with any figures currently arranged on your desk. Yes, I am an adult. Why do you always make that face when I say that?

Will treasure be buried behind today’s door?
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Every day in December feels like a different Golden Girl character.

Sophia — Days when you’re cranky and obsessed with the past.
Blanche — Days when you’re overly confident. “Hell yeah, I can do all this! Of course I can! Look at me!”
Dorothy — Days when you’re pragmatic and busy, with little time for frivolous things.
Rose — Days when you see the world as a candy-coated wizard school with free puppies.

The key to a successful holiday is to have more Rose Days than Sophia, Blanche and Dorothy Days.

Sophia Days don’t help anyone. It’s okay to think of Christmases past, but when you start comparing rose-tinted memories with the current state of affairs, you’ll find yourself upset that this holiday season doesn’t feel as good. But every December more or less feels the same — we simply remember the good stuff. Trying to relive the past sometimes means missing out on crazy, cool new stuff happening RIGHT NOW!

Blanche Days aren’t terrible, but too much confidence can easily set yourself up for disappointment. For instance, you might start the day thinking: I can do all of my holiday shopping in one store, I’ll be home by noon to decorate the tree, write my Christmas cards at 1, and then at 1:30 I’ll learn how to cook and by 2 I’ll start making Creme Brulee from scratch! Easy! And then it’ll be 8 p.m. and you’re still at the mall with sore feet and gallons of frustration filling your brain.

And perhaps too many of us fill December with Dorothy Days, as we rush and work and stress and wear amazing, long blouses that catch a winter’s breeze like a flag in a hurricane.

So, how do you transform the other days into Rose Days? Allow it to happen, and if it doesn’t happen…force it. December is when it’s okay to be silly and dumb. I hereby give thee permission. Giggle at a duck, talk to a Christmas tree, dance with a door — it’s okay.

Christmas magic doesn’t just happen. Rose Days aren’t always a given. Often, you have to give it a little push. And if you find yourself feeling those other types of days sneaking into your brain…giggle at more ducks.

That’s why I open a silly toy calendar every year. Some days I don’t feel like doing it, but I force it. And every time, I’m glad I did. (Today isn’t a bad day, really. In fact, despite my lack of sleep I am feeling quite happy and Christmas-y. This post was just a reminder I can look at when I have bad days.)

This ends my Golden Girls Discussion (Part 1).

Part 2 focuses on the possibility that all four Golden Girls were not human, but personifications of a teenager’s brain (a’la Inside Out), and that teenager is named Miami. More on that at my Ted Talk.

Yesterday we got a table.

Today we get…
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