Today is the halfway point of the calendar! Let’s use this time to reflect on the calendar thus far.
Pros:
1. This calendar is making me a fan of Playmobil. I never hated Playmobil, but each day Jonas Cannoncube is on my desk I find myself enjoying Playmobil by one more unit of fun. As such, my Playmobil fun rating is currently 16.77. For the sake of comparison, Skyrim’s fun rating is 27.92, spiders near light switches have a fun rating of -89.1, and the fun rating for a Power Pencil is a solid 52.
2. The calendar is on-theme. Everything in this calendar is related to pirate culture or desert islands. This box is delivering on the promise of pirates.
3. The pieces are well made. I was expecting these items to be cheap and flimsy, the type of “toy prize” you win by investing $40 worth of quarters into a skeeball machine. But even the smallest Playmobil part is solid and sturdy. Throw these into a tornado of toddlers and the toys will come out the other side with minimal damage.
4. I got an evil bird.
Cons:
1. There’s nothing Christmas-y or winter-y about it. This was expected, and isn’t the fault of the calendar…really. But a nice snowman made of sand (sandman?) would be wonderful. Which brings me to the next point…
2. The calendar is a little too on-the-nose. There aren’t many surprises. Make a list of pirate things and your top items will most likely be in the box. A few random items (Sandman? Naked Santa? Time-traveling astronaut?) would have turned a good calendar into an experience akin to the first time you tasted whipped cream. I know I’m asking for too much. Just sayin’…
3. It’s half-empty.
What will today’s calendar door offer?
Pistols and a Lunchbox!!
Yes, I know that the lunchbox is meant to be a case for the pistols. This is clearly a dueling set. I’ve listened to the Hamilton soundtrack; I know all about dueling (and economics and raps and Peggy!).
But it doesn’t look like a case that holds guns. It looks like a big red box that holds bologna sandwiches and Doritos.
Hezzy stole the box and attempted to use it to bribe the Winter Gnomes. Step 17 of his evil plans states: “Give Winter Gnomes lunch, and they shall follow you into hell.”
Jonas Cannoncube heroically showed up armed with pistols and truth, and set things right by exposing Hezzy’s fake news. Using attributed facts and quotes, Jonas managed to inform the Winter Gnomes that “free lunch” does not exist, no matter what type of info-graph was found on Reddit.
But not every Gnome was willing to listen to reason. One Gnome ran away screaming, “You’re a tool of the media and cannot be trusted. I know better! I know free lunch exists because that’s what I read online and because I need it to be true to fit my cultural narrative! Journalism is a clown sport! Read my newsletter!”
Jonas just let him run. It wasn’t worth the bullets.
Day 12 Rating: 4 out of 5 (Points added for being dangerous and coming with a lunchbox!)
See you tomorrow!
You have only one week left to order items from PowerPencils.com and get them before Christmas! Last day for Christmas orders is Dec. 19th! You can get cool signs like this:
And cool Power Pencils like this:
