Every day in December feels like a different Golden Girl character.

Sophia — Days when you’re cranky and obsessed with the past.
Blanche — Days when you’re overly confident. “Hell yeah, I can do all this! Of course I can! Look at me!”
Dorothy — Days when you’re pragmatic and busy, with little time for frivolous things.
Rose — Days when you see the world as a candy-coated wizard school with free puppies.

The key to a successful holiday is to have more Rose Days than Sophia, Blanche and Dorothy Days.

Sophia Days don’t help anyone. It’s okay to think of Christmases past, but when you start comparing rose-tinted memories with the current state of affairs, you’ll find yourself upset that this holiday season doesn’t feel as good. But every December more or less feels the same — we simply remember the good stuff. Trying to relive the past sometimes means missing out on crazy, cool new stuff happening RIGHT NOW!

Blanche Days aren’t terrible, but too much confidence can easily set yourself up for disappointment. For instance, you might start the day thinking: I can do all of my holiday shopping in one store, I’ll be home by noon to decorate the tree, write my Christmas cards at 1, and then at 1:30 I’ll learn how to cook and by 2 I’ll start making Creme Brulee from scratch! Easy! And then it’ll be 8 p.m. and you’re still at the mall with sore feet and gallons of frustration filling your brain.

And perhaps too many of us fill December with Dorothy Days, as we rush and work and stress and wear amazing, long blouses that catch a winter’s breeze like a flag in a hurricane.

So, how do you transform the other days into Rose Days? Allow it to happen, and if it doesn’t happen…force it. December is when it’s okay to be silly and dumb. I hereby give thee permission. Giggle at a duck, talk to a Christmas tree, dance with a door — it’s okay.

Christmas magic doesn’t just happen. Rose Days aren’t always a given. Often, you have to give it a little push. And if you find yourself feeling those other types of days sneaking into your brain…giggle at more ducks.

That’s why I open a silly toy calendar every year. Some days I don’t feel like doing it, but I force it. And every time, I’m glad I did. (Today isn’t a bad day, really. In fact, despite my lack of sleep I am feeling quite happy and Christmas-y. This post was just a reminder I can look at when I have bad days.)

This ends my Golden Girls Discussion (Part 1).

Part 2 focuses on the possibility that all four Golden Girls were not human, but personifications of a teenager’s brain (a’la Inside Out), and that teenager is named Miami. More on that at my Ted Talk.

Yesterday we got a table.

Today we get…

Barrels and sticks!

The barrels come with tops, so…there’s that. I don’t know about the sticks. Are these sticks some sort of cannon plungers? Drumsticks? Licorice lollipops? Alien fish?

“I know what these are,” Jonas said. He then tried to shove them into the barrels.

They don’t fit, but damn if he didn’t try his hardest.

And then I realized they are not drumsticks or lollipops. They are microphones!

Now gather ‘round for the soon to be Christmas classic, “The Christmas Feet” by Jonas Cannoncube (Feat. Robot Snowman).

JONAS: It’s Christmas Eve in all the land, and both my parents are dying.
ROBOT SNOWMAN: …

JONAS: Dad was attacked by a coyote, mom was attacked by a rare mold allergy.
ROBOT SNOWMAN: …

JONAS: I better buy them shoes. Sure hope shoes don’t cost more than $2. Dad only needs one shoe on account of the coyote.
ROBOT SNOWMAN: Pah-rum-pah-pum-pum!!!

You might think that song sucks, but what if I told you it’s sung a capella…in a round!!! Spoiler Alert: Towards the end of the song, we learn about the high cost of funeral arrangements.

Day 5 Rating: 2.99 out of 5 (Points added for the ambiguity.)

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