I made a Sasquatch, and I don’t mean that as euphemism.

I participated in a Secret Santa Squatchmas — those who signed up online exchange Sasquatch-themed presents. My girlfriend did it last year and I was jealous, so she let me join the fun this year. I got a person’s name and some details about that person and then I send them Sasquatch gifts. I feel like I’m over-explaining this. You get it, right? Secret Squatchmas!

I always wanted to try and make a stuffed animal, so this was my chance. I had no idea what I was doing. I just turned on the sewing machine and he came out. He turned out a little…wonky. And yet he’s still perfect. I packed him up with some other Sasquatch goodies and sent him off to my lucky person who just received the packaged and loved it. Yay!

I haven’t received my Secret Squatchmas gift yet, but I’ll let you know what it is when it arrives.

Yesterday was disappointing. Let’s see what today’s item is… Continue reading →

This is the Jetpack Werewolf, a design I made a few years ago based on my long-standing love of jetpacking werewolves. I sell Jetpack Werewolf items in my Etsy store. It’s one of my best selling designs.

If you know me at all, you know how I feel about jetpacks and werewolves.

You can imagine my surprise when a Facebook friend sent me the following image of the back of a Crayola marker package:

What the hell!?!

Did Crayola steal from me? Did they loot my Jetpack Werewolf design? If so…WHAT THE HELL!?!

I’ll investigate this more in the coming weeks, but right now I’m confused. On one hand, coincidences occur. But on the other hand, the Jetpack Werewolf design is very specific. If it were cat with a jetpack, that’d be fine, or even a different type of dog. This dog just looks a bit too similar to my werewolf…enough that I’m ticked off. I take great pride in my creativity and spent my career developing my own original ideas…from magic pencils to jetpack werewolves. When I see something infringing on those ideas, my skin prickles.

Am I wrong?

This is weird, right?

Hey Crayola, if you dare come out with a line of magic pencils, watch out. I have my own magic pencils and I know how to use them.

Maybe today’s calendar item will set my mind right. It’s… Continue reading →

Was I too enthusiastic about yesterday’s Bronze Ladle?

No.

I also have a chocolate Advent calendar, but I haven’t been posting about it because there are only so many words a person is allowed to type in their lifetime and writing about a traditional chocolate Advent calendar every day would be wasting those precious words — words I am saving to one day write a play about shoes entitled “Feet Puppets: Journey Into Madness.”

But I sometimes forget to open the doors of the chocolate Advent calendar. That means yesterday I had a backlog of three days worth of Advent chocolate. And eating those three tiny pieces of candy may have altered time and space. Those treats were meant for specific days and to consume them later than their true birth date is to defy the gods of chronology. I’m sorry if my actions have rippled and warped the fabric of time. It’s probably why there’s a dinosaur outside my window and my great-great-great grandfather is climbing that tree.

Oops.

Will today’s item be as wonderful as a ladle? Let’s find out! Continue reading →

Favorite Christmas episodes of TV shows! Go!

The Simpsons — When Bart gets caught shoplifting. A sweet, funny episode.

Roseanne — When David’s mom yells at him, and Darlene realizes that David’s life is crappy. It’s sad, but good.

Frasier — The one where Fraiser needs to buy the “Outlaw Laser Robo Geek” for his son, but can’t find one in the store. I love the name of that toy. Based on name alone, I want one too! Even if it’s just the name for a tray of celery, I want one.

The Office — Any Christmas episode of the US version s good. And the UK version’s Christmas special is brilliant, if surprisingly upbeat and hopeful.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia — Charlie and Mac realize harsh truths about their childhood Christmas memories.

What are you favorites? Tell me by writing them in the non-existent comment section below.

What lives behind the 15th door of this calendar…? Continue reading →

Time is running out to buy Power Pencils for Christmas! From best friends to grandmas, everyone loves Power Pencils! I’m sorry for shouting, I’m just very proud of Power Pencils! All holiday orders must be in by December 19th!

You can buy an Ostrich pencil!!!

Show me the person who wouldn’t love a pencil that controls ostriches. I dare you. In this time of political unrest, a pencil that controls ostriches is the perfect gift. Click here to learn more about this pencil.

Yesterday’s item wasn’t spectacular, so maybe today will offer something wonderful.

It’s…It’s… Continue reading →

I’ve received my year-end summary from GoodReads.com. I use Good Reads mostly to keep track of the books I’ve read in a year. In 2016, I’ve only read eight books, and one of those books was The Magician’s Nephew…which is for little kids.

I’m disappointed in myself.

Among my New Year’s Resolutions: Read at least one book a month.

It’s not much. I know many of you are crying tears of ridicule at my slow reading schedule. Some of you can read entire novels in a lunch break. I cannot.

But I can read a book every month. Right? Wish me luck! And if I can’t, I’ll just go back to this post and edit all this out next December.

On the 13th day of December, the calendar gave to me… Continue reading →

Today is the halfway point of the calendar! Let’s use this time to reflect on the calendar thus far.

Pros:
1. This calendar is making me a fan of Playmobil. I never hated Playmobil, but each day Jonas Cannoncube is on my desk I find myself enjoying Playmobil by one more unit of fun. As such, my Playmobil fun rating is currently 16.77. For the sake of comparison, Skyrim’s fun rating is 27.92, spiders near light switches have a fun rating of -89.1, and the fun rating for a Power Pencil is a solid 52.

2. The calendar is on-theme. Everything in this calendar is related to pirate culture or desert islands. This box is delivering on the promise of pirates.

3. The pieces are well made. I was expecting these items to be cheap and flimsy, the type of “toy prize” you win by investing $40 worth of quarters into a skeeball machine. But even the smallest Playmobil part is solid and sturdy. Throw these into a tornado of toddlers and the toys will come out the other side with minimal damage.

4. I got an evil bird.

Cons:
1. There’s nothing Christmas-y or winter-y about it. This was expected, and isn’t the fault of the calendar…really. But a nice snowman made of sand (sandman?) would be wonderful. Which brings me to the next point…

2. The calendar is a little too on-the-nose. There aren’t many surprises. Make a list of pirate things and your top items will most likely be in the box. A few random items (Sandman? Naked Santa? Time-traveling astronaut?) would have turned a good calendar into an experience akin to the first time you tasted whipped cream. I know I’m asking for too much. Just sayin’…

3. It’s half-empty.

What will today’s calendar door offer? Continue reading →

Every winter I’m reminded that within my body are millions of lightning storms that try to escape when I touch anything metal.

Due to the dry air and my mutant skin, everything in winter shocks me. Whenever I touch a metal doorknob or even a piece of foil I get shocked with enough static electricity to kill a weaker mammal. As such, I spend most of winter scared of touching things — my power too great, my magic too strong.

If I were to touch a 9-volt battery in winter, the resulting electrical phenomena would send most DeLoreans back in time and grant wishes to children who dream of being alone for Christmas. It’s that powerful.

Sure, maybe it doesn’t hurt like stepping on a nail or drinking bees, but it’s still an unpleasant experience.

If you see me during the winter months standing outside a store, staring at the metal door handle, know that I’m building up the courage necessary to hurt myself with mini-lightning and I’m worried that this electric shock might be the one that sends me back to my home realm. But I’ve said too much.

Luckily, plastic toys never hurt me…unless I step on them or use them as toothbrushes.

What will today’s calendar bring forth? Continue reading →

It’s Double-Digit Day of the calendar, and you know what that means!??!

It doesn’t mean anything, really.

We are waist-deep in the holiday season. Even those who turned up their noses and middle fingers at the cool people who decorated in November are now giving in to the joy and wonder and shopping and traffic. Christmas is here. Accept it!

It’s everyone’s goal to get all the holiday chores (shopping, mostly) out of the way this weekend, freeing up next weekend to spend curled up on the couch reading online Star Wars theories.

But first things first — toy calendar time!

I might need your help with today’s item.

It’s… Continue reading →

Christmas is on a Sunday this year. That’s terrible.

That screws everything up.

It’s like when you’re a kid and you get a snow storm…ON SATURDAY! So guess what, school will be wide open on Monday.

It also eats into the final weekend before Christmas because you lose that Sunday, and most of Saturday since it’s Christmas Eve.

That means we have only two true weekends before Christmas.

Don’t panic. We will get through this. We always do. (And you can still order fantastic presents from PowerPencils.com!)

Before we open the calendar, I want to point out that there’s a hole in the background of the playset/playmat.

I think something will fit into that hole. Treasure? Hammock? Mrs. Claus? The anticipation is killing me!

Today’s glorious item from the calendar is… Continue reading →