The Calendar is a strange animal. Just when I think I’ve figured out its patterns and tricks, the calendar laughs in my face, “You know nothing!” After receiving a train car yesterday, and with so few days left in the calendar, I was sure that today’s item would either be another train car, or perhaps the train engine. Thus the train would be completed and the final few days could cough up something unexpected…like a Lego Christmas Beast.
I was wrong. Today’s item was not a train car. It was…
What the…? No. No! Is it? What? What the hell?
Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! No way!
Oh-My-God!
Oh-My-God!
Oh-My-God!
No!
Freaking!
Way!
HahahahahahahahAHHhAHhhahahhhaa!
What the hell? What the freaking hell is going on? Hahahahahahaahahahahaha! Today’s item (giggle) is…
Wow! Just…wow! Yesterday was a bummer. Not only did I get a dumb sofa from the calendar, but if you read my recent Twilight blog you know how difficult a day it truly was here at Dan Bergstein Industries. “Giving up all hope” was on today’s To-Do list, right after, “Moisturize your hands because this dry weather is no joke.”
The Lego Gods must have heard my deep, dark thoughts and blessed me, and all those with a Lego Advent Calendar, with an item of such greatness that I’ve already planned to buy 100 Lego Calendars next year in hopes that they too will contain such a wondrous, dare I say provocative, item.
What could it be? Look below, gentle reader.
Today is my brother’s birthday. I didn’t get him a present because I’ll be buying him a Christmas present, and so…there ya go. Don’t blame me. Blame my parents for having a baby days before Christmas. Stop looking at me like that!
Fine.
Out of guilt, I will be giving him whatever item comes out of the calendar today. No, I’m not saying this just because today’s item is lame. I would give him the item no matter what popped out, even if it were a Lego Sea Serpent. Thankfully, today’s item wasn’t a Lego Sea Serpent. It was…
When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade (or freeze them to make yellow pain orbs to be hurled at enemies). When the Lego Advent Calendar gives you a mediocre Lego item, you make better Lego items. This was my philosophy going into Day 15. After Cynthia’s much-anticipated arrival yesterday, certainly the calendar would spit out a crappy toy today.
I was kind of right.
Continue, if you dare. And I dare you. So you better do it or else everyone will think you’re a wuss and they’ll hurl pain orbs at your wussy face.
Christmas is right around the corner and while I have no doubt that whatever gift you give me will be nothing short of wonderful, I thought it would make things easier if I compiled a list of the things I really want.
To prevent duplicates, please check with everyone I know to make sure you’re not buying the same thing and just to be safe, always keep the receipt. If you want to buy something not on the list, please remember that I already own a fake pigeon and I wear a size XL belly chain.
This is my list for 2010.
This is a photo of my beard. He’s a young beard – glorified stubble, really – but he’s growing fast. The beard looks a bit like Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree at the moment. Perhaps if I decorate him with ornaments I steal from a nearby doghouse, my lil’ beard will be as lush and handsome as Zeus’s beard…except it’ll be less white, though filled with the same amount of lightning.
Today’s Lego item isn’t that great. I wasn’t even sure if it was worthy of a blog entry. Why waste precious internet on something as trivial and forgettable as this…thing? For the sake of consistency, I wrote it up anyway.
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m growing a beard. Though my face is usually clean shaven, I have grown a few beards in my life. Typically at the 5-week point I harvest the beard out of boredom. Then I regret my decision to shave and cry until some nice person tells me that the beard isn’t gone if we carry its spirit in our hearts. Then I fiddle with my nude chin until it gets a brush burn.
My current beard, which I have named Riley, is just about 2 weeks old but he’s very mature for his age and excels at math. (Photos to come.) Why am I writing about my personified beard instead of the Lego Advent Calendar? Because I’m overtired and had hot dogs for breakfast.
Read on to see today’s item. (Hint: It begins with F and ends with U-C-K. Hahahahahaah!)
The Lego Calendar is getting lighter and lighter. Good World is getting more and more crowded. It’s all so exciting. What should I do with the box once all the Legos have been safely delivered to Good World? I could use the plastic compartments to make big ice cubes. Better yet, a Lego Prison! With a little tape, glue, or gum, these cardboard doors can be sealed shut to imprison the wicked Lego Folk.
But there are still a lot of Lego to reveal. Today’s item breaks the trend of giving the Lego Kids gifts such as Toy Trucks, Drum Kits, and Fire Places. It’s also one of the oddest prizes yet. Without giving away too much, the name of this Lego thing is an anagram for “Loud Earwax Hit Who?” Can you guess what it is? Of course you can.
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Today’s date is 12-11-10. Hurray for sequential numbers! Aren’t numbers great? Yes, I’m stalling. The truth is that there’s not much to write about for Day 11. It’s not a bad item, and it certainly has a Christmas-y vibe to it, but after a week of Lego Jetpacks and bearded Lego Men named Thaddeus, I’m a bit Lego-ed out.
I still love the calendar, but today’s entry is going to be short so I can rest and recharge. Read on to find out that today’s item is a fireplace.
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