The Calendar is a strange animal. Just when I think I’ve figured out its patterns and tricks, the calendar laughs in my face, “You know nothing!” After receiving a train car yesterday, and with so few days left in the calendar, I was sure that today’s item would either be another train car, or perhaps the train engine. Thus the train would be completed and the final few days could cough up something unexpected…like a Lego Christmas Beast.

I was wrong. Today’s item was not a train car. It was…

Another Toy Truck. Whopty-freaking-doo.

I’m pissed. The Goat children already have a toy fire truck and a toy crane truck. They don’t need another toy truck. They need spaceships, sharks, Lego Christmas Beasts, and a trampoline. Better yet: They need an Aunt or Uncle who comes to their house holding a Lego Ham. That would be fantastic.

Placing gender roles on toys is stupid. If a boy wants to play with a doll, so be it. If a girl wants to play with a Batman, that’s great. But part of me feels bad for Cat Girl. Sword Boy is laying claim to the toy trucks, and the skateboard. Cat Girl can play with the musical instruments, but she has no toys of her own to play with besides a fraction of a train and daddy’s extra hair.

Poor Cat Girl. She’s standing on a chair because she’s sad.

This is why she gets the Lego Christmas Beast.

There are several lessons to be learned from this:

1. Share.

2. Good things come to those who wait.

3. Dan will give you a Lego Christmas Beast if he feels sorry for you.

4. Legos are great.

5. Dan had a busy morning.

The Christmas Beast (a.k.a. Owen) was built with leftover pieces from my trip to the Lego Store. He is strong and deadly, but also loyal and kind. According to the legend (that I just created) the Christmas Beast appears every December looking to kill spoiled children. Also? He can fly, travel through time, shoot heat rays from his eyes, run faster than light, walk faster than sound, turn into a hawk, control wind with his mind, and his pee grants wishes.

This toy truck caused nothing but disappointment, jealousy, and anger. It’s awful. Naked Shower Santa agrees with me and ordered Mr. Ice Face to destroy the toy truck with a broom.

Day 20 Rating: 0.7 out of 4 (Points deducted because…come on! Another truck?!)

See you tomorrow. If you’re watching A Christmas Story tonight, head over to Facebook to read my annoying, ill-informed comments as I live-blog the movie beginning at 8 pm (est) as part of the SparkNotes Movie Club.