The Friends Lego Advent Calendar is a lot like the Twilight series; at first it’s just disappointing, and then it gets worse and worse until you reach a point where you say, “That’s as bad as it can get.” And then men date babies and you give up.

Today’s item is the Renesmee of Lego items.

It isn’t even worthy of this lengthy intro. Judging by it’s size and weight, the item should only be reviewed via the second half of a haiku. But I’ve already written this much and the delete button is too far away. So these words stay. As does this one: Parachute!

Anyway, what lived behind door #19?

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If someone asked me if the Lego Friends Advent Calendar was a good gift for a small girl, I would say yes, with the condition that the girl misbehaved and needed to learn that not everything in life is grand.

However, it’s time to stop expecting great things from the calendar. Lego is a creative toy, after all, and to enjoy it I must use creativity. The items I’m given are only as poor as my imagination.

With this in mind, let’s see what today offers and turn these lemons into better, faster lemons!

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I’ve made mistakes in life, but my biggest regret is buying the Lego Friends Advent Calendar.

The $30 I spent could have been used to buy two bags of socks, and socks are just puppets waiting to happen. I could have spent $30 on tickets to see The Hobbit or that Seth Rogen/Barbra Streisand movie. I could have used the money to buy a really fancy hotdog. Or I could have spent it on an autographed copy of the phone book, or a bunch of limes.

Anything would have been better.

Let’s open the door for Day 17 and then look forward to next December when a much better calendar will be opened.

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I don’t often use swear words in my writing. When I do, it’s for comedic effect. But I am about to use a profane word in just a few sentences and it is being written with utmost sincerity. Prepare accordingly.

If you cannot handle mature language, and have a tendency to faint when someone says “Damn” or “butty” then please stop reading.

Things happened today involving the Lego Friends Advent Calendar, and to censor my thoughts would be a disservice not only to myself but to society.

Cover the eyes of toddlers in the room and prepare to gasp.

Ready? Click…

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The amount of Christmas shopping I’ve done is equal to the number of times I spelled “psychiatry” correctly on my first try. So this weekend is all about buying presents. Ideally, I would know what to buy, or at least make a list of who needs presents, but instead I’m just going to the areas of the world where stores exist and hopefully find the exact right presents for the exact right amount of people.

Wish me luck. Also, send me some coffee, because that would be delightful.

Speaking of delightful, today’s Lego Friends item is every flavor of cute.

Click on…

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When days are as wretched as this one, please take a moment to appreciate everything you have and remind yourself that while evil happens, wonderful things always outnumber the awfulness. Always. It’s a fact.

On the scorecard of Good vs. Evil, Good is winning by billions of points.

My thoughts are with the families who suffered a tragic loss today in Connecticut. I can’t hug them all or change what happened, though I wish I could. If there is anything I can do, let me know.

This is the most solemn intro to a Lego Calendar blog that I’ve ever written, and hopefully will ever write. I almost didn’t post this because looking at the news, a Lego Calendar seems even more insignificant than it usually does.

But I’m posting it anyway to remind myself about that Good vs. Evil scorecard.

Click on to see today’s item.

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I’m smiling. I’m happy. I’m glad that I have this calendar and I’m thankful for every item in its cardboard belly. Yesterday I had the wrong attitude. I was a Grumpy Gavin.

Today, I’m Positive Poseidon!

Whatever I get will be delightful and will capture my imagination like seeing The Empire Strikes Back for the first time.

Put on some Christmas music! It’s with hands shaking joyously that I open the cardboard door and find…
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Screw you, Lego. I know I shouldn’t be complaining, but after a hellish day of work and commutes and cold dinners and headaches and no jetpacks, I come home eager to open the Lego Advent Calendar and unwind.

And then I opened today’s door. Now I’m angry.

I’m not even going to make you click to the next page. Here’s today item.

It’s a stupid dog. That’s it. One tiny dog.

The dog doesn’t have a bone, or toy. There is no sausage. There is no food bowl or leash.

Just a dog.

I’m naming him Helicopter because a stupid, tiny dog needs a cool name. That name is the only thing stopping me from throwing the dog out and pouting with my arms crossed.

The dog itself isn’t that bad, but only the devil and math teachers would think this little dog is enough “treasure” for an entire day.

WHAT THE HELL?!

OK. OK. Helicopter is kinda adorable. And he looks like a bit of a scoundrel. I love him.

Day 12 Rating: 0.2 out of 10 (Points deducted because I’m angry.)

Tomorrow better be fantastic!

In three years, I never missed a Lego Advent Calendar Day, and so it’s with a heavy heart that I present today’s item a few minutes AFTER midnight.

I apologize.

If you hate me and never read another word I write, I will understand.

But if you find it in your heart to forgive me, please continue reading to find out what was behind today’s (or yesteday’s) door.

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If Lego were smart, they’d put me in charge of Advent Calendars. At the risk of bragging, I could bring a great deal of creativity and wonderment to the otherwise ho-hum calendars of the past two years.

The person currently in charge of calendars is doing an adequate job, but they’re not bringing their A-game. With the near limitless potential of Lego, a calendar should offer more than just typical Lego prizes. It should make you cry.

My calendars would be filled with oddities and fascinating bricky objects. Each day would make the child (or grown adult) gasp with holiday cheer. They would tell their friends, “You gotta see this Lego Calendar, Pete! It’s off the hinge!”

(I assume most people have a friend name Pete, and I’m trying to get “Off the hinge” to be a cool phrase.)

I’m hesitant to list what types of themes and items I would put in a Dan Lego Advent Calendar, because Lego could too-easily steal my mind-thoughts. But perhaps one day my dreams of making calendars will become a reality. If not at Lego, then perhaps somewhere else.

Anyway, let’s open the tenth door of the Lego Friends Advent Calendar and see what shade of ordinary dwells beyond the flap of cardboard.
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