I cheated. I opened this box on December 19th at eleven o’clock at night. But I had my reasons. By the time you’re reading this, I will be on my way to Manhattan for some meetings. When I return, I’ll have only a few short minutes to collect my thoughts and prepare for the Die Hard live-blog (happening on Justin.TV tonight at 8 p.m.).

There are not enough hours in December 20th, 2011 to do all that I need to get done. And for that reason, I cheated. I wrote this up a few hours in advance.

I feel bad, but this was the only way I could have written about the item.

Honest!

Do you hate me?

There’s one thing you won’t hate – today’s Lego item.

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Tomorrow night I will be video live-blogging the classic holiday movie Die Hard over on Justin.TV as part of the SparkNotes Movie Club. This is the first time I’m trying a video live-blog. Stop by and watch me awkwardly play with my beard for two hours. The show starts at 8 p.m. (est) and you may want to show up a bit early so I can figure out some tech issues.

Today’s item fits in perfectly with the Die Hard event. It’s an item I never knew I wanted until it arrived.

It’s a…

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By this time next week the calendar will be empty and Christmas will be here. I better savor each and every day. And if you want to have a fun holiday season, you better make the most of the remaining seven days as well.

This is the week to do everything Christmasy that you can! Time’s running out!!! Don the gay apparel! Hurry!

In that spirit, my girlfriend and I drove on a self-guided Christmas light tour last night. Guess how long the tour route was?

A. 30 miles.
B. No. I don’t want to. Just tell me.
C. 33.6 miles.
D. 86 miles.

Correct Answer: D.

Yep. For 86 miles we slowly cruised around Eastern Pennsylvania. It was fun, but some of the houses were too far apart. Can’t all the people with crazy decorations agree to live on the same block? And what the hell does Disney’s Beauty and the Beast have to do with the birth of Jesus and Santa?

Enough about lights. Here’s today’s item…

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Today’s item is dumb. It’s not as dumb as the dumb prison cot, but it’s dumb.

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If you read and memorized last year’s Calendar Blog you know that today is my brother’s birthday. Happy Birthday, Dave! Tradition states that I give Dave whatever pops out of the calendar on his birthday. But not this year. You can probably guess why.

Before we get to the big reveal and my brother’s crushing disappointment, you should check out this fascinating Business Week article about Lego’s new line of girl-themed products. The mini-figs are “prettier” and five millimeters taller. The entire article is an informative look into the world of toy making and selling. But if you don’t want to read the whole thing, here are some takeaway news nuggets.

1. Boys and girls both love to build, but boys are more interested in making and finishing a specific building, while girls would rather build a little, play a little, build a little, play a little and so on.

2. Girls project themselves onto the figures, which is why the new figures look more human. Boys don’t seem to care about that as much…though I do see myself as The Winter Wraith.

Anyway, there are tons of interesting bits in the story. Read it.

On to today’s item!

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If you arrange the walkie-talkies just right, they look like uncomfortable machine guns. You’re welcome.

For more holiday cheer, visit SparkNotes and see my wonderful drawings.

I drew the 12 Days of Christmas as part of this month’s horoscopes. Drummers are hard to draw.

And this week I harnessed my powerful art abilities to conjure images of Cute Christmas Gifts.

And next week I will be video live-blogging Die Hard for the SparkNotes Movie Club. Die Hard! Die Hard Die Hard! Is there any Christmas movie better than Die Hard?! “SHOOT THE GLASS!”

If the slideshows and upcoming video live-blog don’t make you say “Pah-rump-a-pum-pum!” then I don’t know what will.

The Lego Calendar has less than ten items left. I may regret saying this, but it seems like the very best items have been saved for this final week and a half. Yesterday magnifying glass was a showstopper. And today’s item made me say, “Ooh,” to my empty room.

What’s behind door number 15?

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This Lego Calendar set needs some women. The town of Barbaria is nothing but dudes. Not only would it be nice to have a lovely woman help balance out the aggressive testosterone of the dudes, but the entire gene pool of the town will dry up unless Champ gets himself a date to the Barbaria Winter Ball (held on Christmas Eve). It’s simple math.

Today’s item is not the much-needed double X chromosome.

It’s a…

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Today is Taylor Swift’s birthday. I know this because I just looked up celebrity birthdays hoping to find some inspiration or subject matter for this intro.

Happy birthday, Taylor Swift. You are a singer and you’re tall. That’s about all I know about you. Keep up the work.

Today’s item is something new, yet familiar.

Can you guess what it is? I’ll just tell you: It’s another cop.

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Lego Dobby isn’t part of the Lego Advent Calendar. He came with some $10 Harry Potter set that I bought because I was going to use the pieces for the Harry Potter Blog. I still might do that.

I should remove him from the Lego mat as he doesn’t belong, and yet his elfish qualities seem right at home in the holiday town of Barbaria. He’s sticking around.

Today’s item is to be expected.

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Today almost got away from me. I was so busy making Christmas cards that I nearly forgot about the Lego Calendar. This isn’t to say the Lego Calendar is forgettable, but that my holiday greeting cards this year are labor intensive.

I make Christmas cards every year and send them to work colleagues and friends. I don’t send them to family members because then I’d probably have to explain the joke and they already think I’m…different.

Making the cards is one of my favorite traditions and I take pride in crafting the perfect card. Without giving too much away, my cards this year required the use of a small, controlled flame.

After Christmas, I’ll share some pictures of the cards with everyone.

On to today’s item!

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