By this time next week the calendar will be empty and Christmas will be here. I better savor each and every day. And if you want to have a fun holiday season, you better make the most of the remaining seven days as well.

This is the week to do everything Christmasy that you can! Time’s running out!!! Don the gay apparel! Hurry!

In that spirit, my girlfriend and I drove on a self-guided Christmas light tour last night. Guess how long the tour route was?

A. 30 miles.
B. No. I don’t want to. Just tell me.
C. 33.6 miles.
D. 86 miles.

Correct Answer: D.

Yep. For 86 miles we slowly cruised around Eastern Pennsylvania. It was fun, but some of the houses were too far apart. Can’t all the people with crazy decorations agree to live on the same block? And what the hell does Disney’s Beauty and the Beast have to do with the birth of Jesus and Santa?

Enough about lights. Here’s today’s item…

It’s another criminal!

His name is Rex, because if I don’t use it, that name will go out of style. Even now you can only get away with naming your dog Rex. Why is that? Rex is a perfectly good name. Sure, it sounds a like “sex” but that’s not a bad thing. Right?

His name is Rex Sex, and he’s pleased to meet you.

Rex comes with two amazing crowbars!

And two hats.

But back to the crowbars…Look at those crowbars!

I like them very much.

Hmm. It seems Officer Champ Gutpunch has made the critical mistake of bringing a magnifying glass to a crowbar fight.

Day 18 Rating: 3.3 out of 4 (Points deducted because his pencil-thin mustache and unsavory name makes me uncomfortable.)