If you arrange the walkie-talkies just right, they look like uncomfortable machine guns. You’re welcome.

For more holiday cheer, visit SparkNotes and see my wonderful drawings.

I drew the 12 Days of Christmas as part of this month’s horoscopes. Drummers are hard to draw.

And this week I harnessed my powerful art abilities to conjure images of Cute Christmas Gifts.

And next week I will be video live-blogging Die Hard for the SparkNotes Movie Club. Die Hard! Die Hard Die Hard! Is there any Christmas movie better than Die Hard?! “SHOOT THE GLASS!”

If the slideshows and upcoming video live-blog don’t make you say “Pah-rump-a-pum-pum!” then I don’t know what will.

The Lego Calendar has less than ten items left. I may regret saying this, but it seems like the very best items have been saved for this final week and a half. Yesterday magnifying glass was a showstopper. And today’s item made me say, “Ooh,” to my empty room.

What’s behind door number 15?

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This Lego Calendar set needs some women. The town of Barbaria is nothing but dudes. Not only would it be nice to have a lovely woman help balance out the aggressive testosterone of the dudes, but the entire gene pool of the town will dry up unless Champ gets himself a date to the Barbaria Winter Ball (held on Christmas Eve). It’s simple math.

Today’s item is not the much-needed double X chromosome.

It’s a…

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Today is Taylor Swift’s birthday. I know this because I just looked up celebrity birthdays hoping to find some inspiration or subject matter for this intro.

Happy birthday, Taylor Swift. You are a singer and you’re tall. That’s about all I know about you. Keep up the work.

Today’s item is something new, yet familiar.

Can you guess what it is? I’ll just tell you: It’s another cop.

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Lego Dobby isn’t part of the Lego Advent Calendar. He came with some $10 Harry Potter set that I bought because I was going to use the pieces for the Harry Potter Blog. I still might do that.

I should remove him from the Lego mat as he doesn’t belong, and yet his elfish qualities seem right at home in the holiday town of Barbaria. He’s sticking around.

Today’s item is to be expected.

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Today almost got away from me. I was so busy making Christmas cards that I nearly forgot about the Lego Calendar. This isn’t to say the Lego Calendar is forgettable, but that my holiday greeting cards this year are labor intensive.

I make Christmas cards every year and send them to work colleagues and friends. I don’t send them to family members because then I’d probably have to explain the joke and they already think I’m…different.

Making the cards is one of my favorite traditions and I take pride in crafting the perfect card. Without giving too much away, my cards this year required the use of a small, controlled flame.

After Christmas, I’ll share some pictures of the cards with everyone.

On to today’s item!

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There are only two weekends left between now and Christmas, and this is one of ’em. Use it wisely. If you haven’t decorated your tree or dyed your eyebrows red by now, time is running out. Consider this the first warning in today’s blog.

Like listening to a two-year-old tell a story, today’s Lego Item is both fascinating and empty. I looked at it for a good three hours trying to decide if it was terrific or mediocre. You will have to read the entire article to find out which side I leaned towards.

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Sorry I was such a brat yesterday. While I am still underwhelmed by yesterday’s Lego offering, there was no need for me to act as I did. I apologize. I hope you can forgive me, and I hope the Lego Calendar forgives me too.

It’s been decided that yesterday’s item is indeed a Prison Cot and not a Dumb Desk. Arrange your Lego accordingly.

To help kick things off today, look at this. It’s the Advent Calendar from Christmas Vacation. Someone actually made it! If the thing burped out Lego, than it would be my favorite Advent Calendar.

Also, before we begin, does anyone want a cherry candy cane? I bought a whole box, and I really can only eat one before I remember that I don’t like cherry candy canes. Plus, with the beard, eating candy canes is precarious.

On to today’s item. No matter what it is, I’ll be happy. I promise.
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It stopped raining in Pennsylvania. That’s probably not the greatest intro sentence I’ve ever written, but I’m busy today and I need to wrap this up quickly.

Yesterday was a bad day in the Lego Calendar. That means today will be double-awesome, according to Dan Logic.

And today’s item is…
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I put up my Christmas tree yesterday. The picture you see to the right is the unlit tree. Looks really sad. You can’t tell from the photo but there are two strands of colored lights that emblaze the entire room with Christmas cheer.

The lights are the fancy kind that do all sorts of tricks, such as flicker, chase, slow fade, make you pizza bagels, help pay your student loan, twinkle, strobe, and so on. When I set the lights to “cycle” they do all the tricks and my tree looks exactly like a Daft Punk eye orgy.

I can’t take a photo of the lit tree because my photography skills are on par with my knitting skills. When illuminated, my tree is an absolute good. Take my word on it.

Is there anything more depressing than an unlit Christmas tree in the middle of the day on a rainy December Wednesday? Yep.

That answer just happens to be today’s Lego Advent Calendar offering. If you enjoy feeling happy and good, you may not want to read ahead. And if you do read on, you will need tissues to wipe away your sadness tears.

And no, it’s not a wall.

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