Name: The Phantom of the Escalator

Real Name: Bernard Gomez

Powers: He can move about an escalator as a dolphin dances through water. He also has fireworks.

Weaknesses: Stones. A strong shove. Mall security. Mean kids. Lava. Teenagers. Sticks.

Origin: His beloved wife, Betsy, left him for another man. He didn’t take it very well. His grace on the escalator is attributed to a special bone in his ear which gives him tremendous balance. He gets his fireworks from this guy who mows his lawn.

Rules: The Phantom will never show his face because he thinks he has a fat neck.

Description: You’ll know him when you see him.

Last Seen: Eating waffle fries in the food court.