The new trailer for Captain Marvel was released and it looks like typical whiz-bang Marvel fun. While watching it, an idea hit me. And now I will write a quick pitch to Disney:
Dear Disney,
Please fold Santa Claus into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Legally, it shouldn’t be a problem since Santa is in the public domain. His powers of flight, engineering, super strength (assumed) and speed fit perfectly with the existing Marvel roster.
Plus, you can add new powers that are never really explained or have zero rules, like whatever the hell the Scarlet Witch can do, or Captain Marvel’s energy beams. (Can she just shoot energy? Does she have a limited number of energy blasts? Does it hurt? Do the beams taste like cherry Slurpees? Is there a muscle she flexes to do that? Is that muscle in the calves?)
Santa can have such vague, nebulous powers — like a glowing blue light that…does stuff. Also, he should have a magic glowing snowball and high-tech goggles for seeing ghosts.
A big budget Santa Claus action movie would be wonderful. With your special effects and flashy visuals it’ll be fun! And make it funny, like Thor: Ragnarok. And colorful, like Thor: Ragnarok. And…just remake Thor: Ragnarok but with Santa Claus.
Who should play the winter wizard himself? Russell Crowe, John Goodman or Daniel Day Lewis. Or me. Your choice.
There is a new Santa Claus movie on NetFlix right now called The Santa Chronicles, starring Kurt Russell. I love Kurt Ruseell but the movie is bad. Don’t look at that for inspiration. But I do like Santa’s coat in that movie. And his big gloves.
Thank you for reading this pitch. I can get started on this right away. I look forward to working with you and making Santa Claus: Snowfall a reality! I’ll send over plot details in my weekly Wednesday pitch letter.
Have a great Tuesday!
Love Aways,
Dan Bergstein
I’ll let you know if they write me back. Ok. Now let’s Lego! Today we find…
A dog and a turkey leg!
Adorable. I’ll name the dog Betty. I won’t name the turkey leg because even I have limits for nomenclature.
Does Betty look sad to you? Maybe she was a rescue who is still adapting to her happy forever home. Go ahead and cry. I did.
Now the bad news: Robot Snowman is broken. After nine years of life, his hands have snapped. He can no longer grasp turkey legs.
I’ll try to find replacement parts in my Lego bin.
Meanwhile, Quincy tried to attach the jetpack to the dog but the jetpack won’t fit. And Betty was really nervous and shaky the whole time and now I’m crying again.
I was able to find one extra snowman arm. For his other arm, I’ll use some random part that was in the bin. Not sure what this gray piece was for, but it’s a snowman arm now!
Day 4 Rating: 3 out of 5 (Points deducted because the dog cannot wear a jetpack.)
See you tomorrow!
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