Fun Fact: “Baby It’s Cold Outside” won an Oscar in 1949 for best Best Song. It was in a movie called Neptune’s Daughter.

This is something you can use to sound smart at a Christmas party. To add emphasis to your wisdom, announce this fact while wearing a cape and then SWOOSH the cape and say, “And I say good day to you!” Then leave and go home and watch the Christmas episodes of The Office. Sound like a plan?

Good.

I have no idea what to expect form the calendar. Yesterday’s Worst Snowman was a dud, but maybe today’s item will put a smile on my face. Today we get…

A Bar!

It’s not bad. It has those cool trophy/telescope pieces, which I always like. And it comes with a mug. I’m mildly happy with it.

It looks like a hot chocolate stand, but the playmat of this year’s calendar looks like the interior of a house and the front yard. I know of no one who has a hot chocolate stand in their front yard. So I’m guessing this is an indoor bar….a booze bar, with booze.

Unfortunately, Delores Claus cannot hold her liquor. One sip and every sentence she says begins with, “You know what your problem is…”.

“You know what your problem is, Clara? You don’t get political. And I get it! I get it, sure I do! But…in today’s world? Pick a side, sister. Mount up! Because it’s us and them, right? RIGHT? Look at me, honey. I love you. I really do. And we should get guitar lessons, because that could be our thing! How hard is guitar? Because even those drugged guys can play it. Can’t be hard. We should get guitars! But…but that’s the problem. The politics. And your thighs.”

“You know what your problem is, Melvin? You kids today don’t…you don’t have…you keep going to school like that’s gonna help. It’s not gonna help! So you eat your Avocado’d Starbucks and drive your Google Cars and keep going to school and see if that helps you and IT WON’T, Melvin! It won’t! And they don’t teach you that in school because it’s, like, that’s what the school is telling you. Like school’s gonna say, ‘Hey, don’t come here no more because school is useless.’ Not gonna happen. Not in my lifetime. Maybe in your’s though. You keep going, you know? You keep it. And then, get to Europe, my friend. Get there before it’s all just another Russia! Because that’s it. That’s game over. And…go get Grandma a couple of them sandwiches, would ya?”

“You now what your problem is, Bird Thing? You don’t even know when true love is right in front of your dumb beak! Go ask Clara for a dance! Go on, man. She digs you. She so digs you! Look…look at me. Look…she digs you. And sure she’s not young and her thighs are kaput, but…you got better girls? Not here you don’t, buster. Ask her! I’ll ask her for you. I’ll do it. Be cool, okay?”

Day 12 Rating: 2 out of 5 (Points deducted for being bland.)

See you tomorrow!

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