People and media companies are making their Best of the Year lists, and I cannot understand why Twin Peaks: The Return isn’t winning every category from “Best TV Show” to “Best Sound of Electricity.”

Well, that’s not true. I do know why. The show was a slap in the face to traditional storytelling and many people thought it was frustrating and weird. But I loved it. And mark my words, in 50 years people will come around and discover the show’s greatness. And they will worship it. Because it’s that good! And then I will laugh from my home on the moon and say, “I told you so!” in my moon language.

So maybe the show won’t win any Golden Globes, and maybe if you mention it at Christmas dinner your uncle will hit your nose for bringing up such nonsense and then he’ll go back to misquoting a joke from a Three and a Half Men rerun. But just know that if you did love the show, you’re not alone. There are two of us.

Enough TV talk. What’s in today’s calendar! Something big? Something small? It’s…

The Worst Snowman!

Yep, it’s pretty bad. He doesn’t even have a hat. Considering Robot Snowman from my first calendar was made of about 672 pieces and came with a hat, this is a sad, sad substitute. It’s like getting a new laptop for Christmas one year, and the next Christmas you get a plastic Lego snowman sans hat. Had this happened in my younger days, I would have ran to my room, slammed the door and cried while listening to Nirvana: Unplugged because only the sad anger of Kurt Cobain and acoustic grunge could relate to all my emotions.

But I’m older now. And instead of crying onto my 90s grunge music, I listen to the Sarah McLachlan Christmas album while staring out the window and whispering, “The great cosmic joke.” I’m okay.

And what’s that yellow thing? A scarf? Half of a duck bill? It’s garbage.

Clara and Delores tried to make it seem cool for Melvin.

DELORES: Do you like your snow person, Melvin? We bought him at the Dollar Store.
CLARA: See? He has a round part just like that Star Wars boy you like so much? What’s his name? Bubble Eight? See? He’s a Star Wars Bubble Eight!

Grandmas are bad at buying presents.

Luckily, Robot Snowman was here to help rearange a few things and turn this pathetic snow-thing into a majestic Totem Pole Bird. At least that’s something…

Day 11 Rating: 1.1 out of 5 (Points deducted for making me sad.)

See you tomorrow!

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