10 Tax Tips That Can Save You Thousands

There’s nothing fun about filing taxes, but many Americans are so confused by the laws and regulations that they might be leaving money in the pocket of Uncle Sam. Don’t miss out on these loopholes and opportunities.

1. Money spent in an airplane is tax deductible. If you’re in the sky, you are technically no longer on Earth. Taxes only apply to Earth. Money spent off Earth is tax free.

2. As stated in The Constitution, the amount you owe the government can never exceed the last four digits of your Social Security Number.

3. When filing your taxes electronically, use coupon code “FREEDOM2017” and receive a 5% discount.

4. You don’t have to pay taxes if you promise to help out around the country.

5. Halloween candy counts as earned income.

6. If you are shorter than 5’5″ and weigh less than 100 lbs., you can file for a $1,000 tax credit as you take up less space in the country and therefore use less government.

7. Hold your tax return up to the moon (when moon is full) and see if there’s any coded messages. You’ll know it when you see it.

8. If you can’t figure out how much you owe, a simple trick is to count the number of windows in your home or apartment, and multiply that by 17.76.

9. Add a sticky note to your forms indicating where, specifically, you want your tax dollars to go. For instance, “healthcare” or “tunnel to China” or “the President should get this because he’s had a tough year.” If you don’t write anything, the money goes towards making more flags.

10. Despite what it says on the form, NEVER indicate that you own a Time Crystal. While you can receive a $700 tax rebate for owning a Time Crystal, the government really just wants to know if you have one. And if you admit that you have one, your home will be surrounded by Chrono-Warriors and everything we’ve worked for will crumble. Be brave, my Time Maven. Be strong. I will find you!