To all the people working retails jobs this holiday season: I’m thinking of you today. You have my respect.
Maybe it’s because 2016 has been such an angry year, or maybe people are just plain mean, but it seems a lot of people out shopping are PISSED!
I try to stay positive when shopping, even if the checkout line is twelve-people deep and moving at zombie-snail pace. And I’m generally a happy driver. But people in stores and on the roads are acting like maniacs.
Getting angry doesn’t help. Sighing loudly doesn’t help. Yelling at your kid certainly won’t help. Honking your car horn because the light turned green 0.0002 seconds ago won’t make your world right.
Part of me thinks the entire country needs to take one deep breath — not at the same time, of course, because that would create a vacuum over America and cause devastating wind storms elsewhere on the planet.
Maybe things will feel better after Christmas, when stress levels are a tiny bit lower. Until then, I hope reading about toy pirates helps alleviate some of your holiday stress. And if you feel overwhelmed, close your eyes, count to ten and remember: There’s a Lego Batman movie coming out in February.
Today the calendar gives unto me…
Treasure! AND CLEAR PIECES!
I didn’t expect clear pieces. You know how much I love clear pieces. Clear Lego pieces are my favorite. I’ve written dozens of words about my admiration for the enchanted, crystalline plastic. Clear Playmobil pieces are nice, too!
Using a jeweler’s precision, I attached the gems to the pile of gold. Does the gold look like strange, delicious homemade mac-n-cheese? Just me, then.
There are two mounds of treasure, so Jonas decided it’s only fair to share the booty.
Booty!
Why did I wait until we’re 22 days into this calendar to talk about the word “booty” as it relates to pirate culture?! BOOTY!
Who doesn’t love booty? Look at this sweet booty. “Hey Dan, what did you get for Christmas?” Two mounds of booty!
Hezzy and Kayla took their booty back to the cave.
HEZZY: At last! We have the treasure!
KAYLA: Hmm.
HEZZY: What?
KAYLA: No. It’s great. Really great, babe.
HEZZY: What? If you want to say something, say it. Don’t be all coy.
KAYLA: I mean…the treasure is nice.
HEZZY: But what?
KAYLA: You see a lot of stores around here, Hezz? Any banks? Even one lemonade stand? Where you gonna spend that money?
HEZZY: Well, maybe we can…trade with…
KAYLA: Who we gonna trade with? That snowman in the wig? I don’t think that guy even knows what money is.
HEZZY: But…it’s treasure.
KAYLA: It’s nothing ’til it’s something.
HEZZY: You always ruin everything! Everything! Just like my novel!
KAYLA: Oh God. Really? We’re doing this three days before Christmas?
HEZZY: It was a good idea for a novel, Kayla!
KAYLA: It was just Die Hard. You wrote a copy of Die Hard.
HEZZY: Die Hard doesn’t take place at an indoor water park!
KAYLA: Why would the terrorists want to rob a water park? Water parks don’t have millions of dollars in cash in a safe, Hezz.
HEZZY: Why did you make out with Barry at Lisa’s Make-Your-Own-Pizza party!?
KAYLA: We were just talking!!!
HEZZY: In the closed bedroom!?
KAYLA: CAN’T WE HAVE A NICE CHRISTMAS!?!
HEZZY: And the water park had a million dollars in the safe because it belonged to the oil tycoon who was in the park and he needed a place to keep his money while he went in the wave pool! If you actually read the story, you’d know!
I still don’t know what will fit into the background hole of the playmat. Jonas put the Bronze Ladle in there, assuming the ladle was a magic key to open a portal. No portal was opened.
Day 22 Rating: 3.1 out of 5 (Points added for clear pieces.)
See you tomorrow!
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