It was time to shave off my beard and this was the perfect opportunity to test out lady razors. I have never used a lady razor before, but I always wondered what the difference is between a men’s razor and a women’s razor, besides the color. Both are multi-blade razors. Both have magical strips of moisturizer. Both are featured in awful, awful commercials. So is there a difference? Let’s find out!

I tested three types of razors. The Venus Divine, the Soleil Twilight, and the Venus Sensitive Sensible. I would have tested more, but my face is only so large. And to make this experience extra interesting, I used Skintimates Shave Creme. You know it’s for ladies because cream is spelled “creme” and the nozzle is a flower. I also know it’s for women because the cashier at Target gave me the oddest look when I rubbed my face and whispered, “Yeah…that’ll do nicely,” as I was paying.

I divided my face into three sections: Right, Left, Middle. Because my beard was so amazing and lush, I had to first trim that sexy beast down with my electric trimmer before testing the lady razors.

First up: The Venus Sensitive Sensible

Keep in mind, this was the first time my face was shaved since October of 2012. The shave was rough and I had to run the blade over my face a few times before it really started to chop down the whiskers. Maybe it was the razor. Maybe my beard was fighting for its life. Either way, it was an epic battle and some whiskers were brutally tugged out of their home.

The blade was adequate, but I was expecting…more. It didn’t cut my face, and razor burn was kept to a minimum, but the handle felt cheap and I didn’t hear a choir of birds chirping with each pass of the blade. I kinda expected a bird choir. I don’t know why.

Overall Grade: C+
It did the job, but takes awhile to get a clean shave.

Feminine Mystique Revealed:
The blade felt just like a cheap men’s razor. Nothing special. There was no bird choir. And my skin felt normal after. It didn’t feel like a loose piece of satin fabric dancing in the breeze. It just felt like Dan skin.

Next: The Soleil Twilight

In the past, Twilight has caused me nothing but torment. And Bic razors tend to chew up my face like a hungry zombie. So this was scary. Will this blade be as tortuous and nightmarish as a vampire book about baby dating? Let’s find out.

Not bad. Not bad at all, actually. Usually cheap-o Bic razors are horrible and you’d get a better shave from a wooden spoon. But the femal version of the Bic razor worked surprisingly well.

Overall: B+
I would still prefer a sturdier, heavier handle, but if you have to use a budget-priced razor, I’d recommend the Soleil Twilight, which I think is Italian for, “We ran out of girly words. Hey, it’s purple!!!!”

Feminine Mystique Revealed:
Why does the Bic razor for men leave my face bloodier than a horror movie but the female version did not? WHAT ELSE ARE WOMEN HIDING FROM ME!?! [Dan begins research on Ombre hair…]

And finally: The Venus Divine

Eh…it’s okay. I had high hopes for this razor because it was the most costly of the bunch. I figured more money means a better shave. That’s why I saved it for last, to use on the most precariously placed whiskers (chin and under the nose can be a pain in the face to shave closely).

It did the job, but didn’t impress me with it’s shaving power. It took more than a few passes of the razor to get anything close to a clean shave. And the moisturizing strip tasted funny.

Overall: C
Maybe the head of this razor is scientifically constructed solely for the purposes of shaving a woman’s leg and armpits, but on a face, it doesn’t work. If you need a women’s razor to shave your face, save your money and go with the cheaper blade.

Feminine Mystique Revealed:
I was tempted to shave my armpits, but then I didn’t. Unrelated: Did you know if you change the E in “divine” to a G, it spells “diving”? Of course you knew that. You’re so smart! Proud of you!

Bonus: Skintimate Shave Creme Review
It smells too perfumey and it never really lathers. For all the guys out there reading this, do not use Skintimate Shave Lotion on you face unless there is no other option. I used it yesterday and my chin still smells like chemical flowers.

Winner: The Soleil Twilight

Who knew?!?! I’m not saying this is the best women’s razor on the market, but of the three I tried, it was clearly the best of the bunch.

And here’s a before and after shot. (The “Before” shot is the image I used for my 2012 Christmas Cards.)

BEFORE

AFTER

Now I’m going to review other female products like lip balm, women’s bicycles, and tampons!