Name: Saber-Toothed Lincoln

Real Name: Steve Lincoln

Powers: Presidential power of veto. Strong bite. Cat-like agility. Snake-like charm. Wolf-like sense of smell. Bear-like strength. Walrus-like hunger. Dolphin-like playfulness. Penguin-like psychic ability.

Weaknesses: Lava. Old-timey pistols.

Origin: The Saber-Toothed Lincoln was an accident caused by scientists trying to create the ideal world leader. The project was based on Dr. T-bone Salinger’s research paper, “What if Abe Lincoln Had Animal Powers?” The cloning project was successful, but the animal part of Steve Lincoln’s brain took over and he is now a primitive beast-man roaming the world with animalistic and (minimal) legislative power.

Rules: Saber-Toothed Lincoln lives only by one rule: There are no rules. He also thinks birds should have the right to vote. He thrives in both salt and fresh water.

Description: He looks like Abe Lincoln with giant teeth. Early in the morning, he looks vaguely like Liam Neeson with giant teeth.