Name: Jack-In-The-Throat

Real Name: Jackson-In-The-Esophagus

Powers: Lives inside a person’s throat, sometimes for years without the person knowing. Armed with a toothpick, he rips out of the throat when anyone says, “Pop goes the weasel.” For this reason, it’s advised that you avoid preschools if you suspect Jackson is dwelling in your throat, as preschoolers are the most likely to say, “Pop goes the weasel.” Also stay away from 1990’s hip-hop phenomenon, 3rd Base.

Weaknesses: Sour milk mixed with Altoids and ketchup. Lava.

Description: About the size of a peanut. Wears a dopey hat. Carries a toothpick. Very tiny yin-yang tattoo on his left shoulder.

Origin: Jackson is a mischief fiend. His mother was a demon, which explains his evil tendencies. His father was a peanut, which explains his small size.

Rules: Jackson will crawl into your mouth when you’re sleeping, but only during Toyota-thon.