Name: Hipster Astronaut

Powers: They hover above the Earth with a feeling of superiority.

Weaknesses: Coffee that can be purchased. Music that anyone may hear. Books that are good. Fun. Genuine emotions.

Origin: One hipster said to the other, “We should live in space, and just get away from all this fashion, entertainment, good things, pets that aren’t ironic, food, and people who don’t ‘get’ the sarcasm of my racist Tweets.” And the other hipster just nodded because she was too busy getting “Tattoos Hurt” tattooed on her forearm.

Rules: Hipster Astronauts only attack when provoked or when someone says, “Does vinyl really sound that much better?”

Description: They’ll be the only astronauts in space wearing vintage Nike Airs and riding impractical BMX dirt bikes.

Last Seen: Staring at the planet Mercury and saying, “Pff. Whatever. Anyone want to play Super Nintendo?”