Name: Middle-Aged Twilight Fan

Real Name: Usually Barbra or Aunt Barbra. Or Shelly. Sometimes Diane.

Powers: They have unlimited access to evil black magiks. Deadly scorpions dwell in their mighty purses. They can also communicate with carpet and eat raw dirt.

Weaknesses: Reality. Quality story telling. Books that aren’t movies. Lava. Honesty.

Origin: Every action has an opposite reaction. Middle-Aged Twilight Fans are opposite reactions to cute baby bunnies being born. That’s how evil they are.

Rules: If you question their choice of literature, they will slowly kill you over the course of 100 years, by using what they only refer to as “The Dark Winds.”

Description: They smell pathetic.