Last night was the 8th night of Hanukkah and the grand finale of the Santa Menorah.

Good time.

I have to keep this short because I need to dig my car out of the snow. I haven’t driven it in two days, so it’s safe to assume an entire family of rodents or bears or feral dachshunds have taken up residence under the hood.

I don’t know why animals are so attracted to my car. My car is the goddamn Snow White of automobiles, summoning creatures of all shapes and sizes. I’ll let you know if I find any poisoned apples or diminutive old men inside. What’s the best number to reach you?

Behind today’s calendar door is…

A Blue Car!

We’re getting some fun colors in this calendar. Hot Dog Pink yesterday. Milky Windex  Blue today. Who knows what hue we’ll find tomorrow. Creamsicle Orange? Neon Black? Muppet Blood Puce?

Speaking of colors…

I love clear pieces, and a majority of items in this year’s calendar come equipped with the tiny drops of God’s tears. Some are tinted, but they’re still magical.

These tiny nuggets of jeweled joy put me in the holiday spirit like no Christmas song can.

And for that, I am thankful.

The car itself is fine. It’s actually kinda cool. The blue pops. The clear pieces dazzle. What more could you want?

I mean, it’s no Christmas Boat.

But I cannot compare anything to Christmas Boat unless it’s another Christmas Boat. And even then, it’s not fair.

Giles wanted to blow something up. You can’t prevent him from blowing something up because blowing something up is how his culture celebrates and to oppress his detonation would be to smother his right to free speech.

Look, it made more sense when he explained it to me.

Boom.

Day 18 Rating: 3.002 out of 5 (Points added for the blue and the clear.)

See you tomorrow!

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