Name: Pennsylvania

Powers: Insatiable appetite; giant fangs; filled with coal.

Weaknesses: Continental shift; zoning laws; other states.

Origin: Pennsylvania is not a state, but a cosmic beast who is resting here on Earth. Someone–I won’t say who–woke Pennsylvania up and now it’s cranky.

Description: It’s Pennsylvania.

Rules: You can’t buy fireworks in PA–at least not the good kind.

Last Seen: Slowly chewing on New Jersey.