Today’s item is unbelievable!

It’s existence is proof that we all died and live in heaven. It’s almost too good, like the first cookie you’ve ever eaten, or what it must feel like to be Tom Hanks. You are about to witness greatness that cannot be measured.

Prepare accordingly, take a breath, and click.

Just kidding. It’s stupid skis.

The Lego Advent Calendars tend to barf up crap like this, so I’m not surprised. The skis are dumb.

They’re blue and they’re dumb.

They wouldn’t even qualify as a 25-cent prize from a vending machine at an abandoned bowling alley. If you found these skis in a box of Fruit Loops, you would feel as though Mr. Kellogg was punishing you in a very passive aggressive way. I’ve held napkins that were more impressive.

Maybe that’s too harsh. The skis aren’t terrible. What’s terrible is that Lego thinks this counts as an entire day’s worth of treasure. Had the skis came with a Lego ski helmet, these words would be far less scathing. Had they came with a Lego Elf, I would cease writing these blogs as my body would be turned into pure, joyous energy.

Even Nintendo is unimpressed. Her heart isn’t in it. She’s only wearing them because she’s polite. And the poles seem awkwardly short. She’d have to bend over to use them.

She tried to hold the poles upside down, turning them into battle wands, but it still seemed lackluster.

Oh well. It’s OK to get awful crap early in the month. There are plenty of doors to open. Tomorrow will be better.

Day 4 Rating: 3.2 out of 10 (Points deducted because a toddler could swallow the entirety of today’s pieces and you wouldn’t even have to call an ambulance.)