{"id":921,"date":"2011-06-10T18:09:37","date_gmt":"2011-06-10T22:09:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=921"},"modified":"2011-06-10T18:12:25","modified_gmt":"2011-06-10T22:12:25","slug":"monster-of-the-day-20-middle-aged-twilight-fan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=921","title":{"rendered":"Monster of the Day #20: Middle-Aged Twilight Fan"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/Monster20.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/Monster20-1024x818.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"511\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-922\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/Monster20-1024x818.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/Monster20-300x239.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Name<\/strong>: Middle-Aged Twilight Fan<\/p>\n<p><strong>Real Name<\/strong>: Usually Barbra or Aunt Barbra. Or Shelly. Sometimes Diane. <\/p>\n<p><strong>Powers<\/strong>: They have unlimited access to evil black magiks. Deadly scorpions dwell in their mighty purses. They can also communicate with carpet and eat raw dirt. <\/p>\n<p><strong>Weaknesses<\/strong>: Reality. Quality story telling. Books that aren&#8217;t movies. Lava. Honesty. <\/p>\n<p><strong>Origin<\/strong>: Every action has an opposite reaction. Middle-Aged Twilight Fans are opposite reactions to cute baby bunnies being born. That&#8217;s how evil they are. <\/p>\n<p><strong>Rules<\/strong>: If you question their choice of literature, they will slowly kill you over the course of 100 years, by using what they only refer to as &#8220;The Dark Winds.&#8221; <\/p>\n<p><strong>Description<\/strong>: They smell pathetic. <\/p>\n<iframe src=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/like.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.laserfarm.com%2F%3Fp%3D921&amp;layout=standard&amp;show_faces=true&amp;width=450&amp;action=like&amp;colorscheme=light&amp;height=80\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"0\" style=\"border:none; overflow:hidden; width:450px; height:80px;\" allowTransparency=\"true\"><\/iframe>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Name: Middle-Aged Twilight Fan Real Name: Usually Barbra or Aunt Barbra. Or Shelly. Sometimes Diane. Powers: They have unlimited access to evil black magiks. Deadly scorpions dwell in their mighty purses. They can also communicate with carpet and eat raw &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=921\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-921","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-monster"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/921","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=921"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/921\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":926,"href":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/921\/revisions\/926"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=921"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=921"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=921"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}