{"id":803,"date":"2011-05-20T12:51:38","date_gmt":"2011-05-20T16:51:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=803"},"modified":"2011-05-20T12:51:38","modified_gmt":"2011-05-20T16:51:38","slug":"monster-of-the-day-5-saber-toothed-lincoln","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=803","title":{"rendered":"Monster of the Day #5: Saber-Toothed Lincoln"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Name<\/strong>: Saber-Toothed Lincoln<\/p>\n

Real Name<\/strong>: Steve Lincoln<\/p>\n

Powers<\/strong>: Presidential power of veto. Strong bite. Cat-like agility. Snake-like charm. Wolf-like sense of smell. Bear-like strength. Walrus-like hunger. Dolphin-like playfulness. Penguin-like psychic ability.<\/p>\n

Weaknesses<\/strong>: Lava. Old-timey pistols. <\/p>\n

Origin<\/strong>: The Saber-Toothed Lincoln was an accident caused by scientists trying to create the ideal world leader. The project was based on Dr. T-bone Salinger’s research paper, “What if Abe Lincoln Had Animal Powers?” The cloning project was successful, but the animal part of Steve Lincoln’s brain took over and he is now a primitive beast-man roaming the world with animalistic and (minimal) legislative power. <\/p>\n

Rules<\/strong>: Saber-Toothed Lincoln lives only by one rule: There are no rules. He also thinks birds should have the right to vote. He thrives in both salt and fresh water. <\/p>\n

Description<\/strong>: He looks like Abe Lincoln with giant teeth. Early in the morning, he looks vaguely like Liam Neeson with giant teeth. <\/p>\n