{"id":641,"date":"2011-03-29T15:36:49","date_gmt":"2011-03-29T19:36:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=641"},"modified":"2011-03-29T15:38:40","modified_gmt":"2011-03-29T19:38:40","slug":"parade-magazine-question-roundup-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=641","title":{"rendered":"Dan Answers Parade Magazine’s Mail: Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

Starting this week here at the LaserFarm, I will be unofficially answering the questions sent in to Walter Scott of Parade Magazine. For those unfamiliar with the publication, Parade Magazine<\/a> comes stuffed into many Sunday newspapers around the country. No one subscribes. You just receive it magically, like a headache. It\u2019s not a bad magazine. Some of the articles are informative and clever. But the first page is devoted to Walter Scott\u2019s \u201cPersonality Parade\u201d in which Scott answers hard-hitting questions sent in by readers. <\/p>\n

Here\u2019s this week\u2019s round of questions with my new answers. <\/p>\n

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A:<\/strong> I\u2019m so sorry to learn that there is no internet access in West Palm Beach. You poor thing. The book will be released next week, according to this dream I had. Barnes and Noble\u2019s website confirmed my dream, and a phone call to any book store would do the same. But it was brave of you to ask. And to preemptively answer your next question: Ghostbusters was released in 1984 and Busta Rhymes\u2019 real name is Trevor Tahiem Smith, Jr. Let me know if there\u2019s anything else I can Google for you. <\/p>\n

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A:<\/strong> Good question! No. He didn\u2019t. <\/p>\n

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A: <\/strong>Hey Brad \u201cMuckraker\u201d Smith, we need to talk. First, it\u2019s a bit strange that this question bothers you to such an extent that you wrote a letter to a magazine to find the answer. I only imagine your friends and family were tired of telling you, \u201cDammit Brad, how the hell am I supposed to know?! Go ask Parade!\u201d<\/p>\n

Second, is there any answer that will satisfy your curiosity? Sure, I could tell you which songs she sings to her kids, but then you\u2019ll just come back with, \u201cWhat\u2019s on her iPod?\u201d or, \u201cWhat three books would she take to a desert island?\u201d And it would devolve into questions such as, \u201cWhat does her arm hair taste like?\u201d \u201cAre her windows rock-proof?\u201d and, \u201cDue to the Earth\u2019s water cycle, what is the probability that the water I\u2019m drinking was once inside Britney Spears?\u201d I\u2019m cutting you off, Brad. You will thank me later. <\/p>\n

That\u2019s it for this week. Tune in next time. <\/p>\n