{"id":528,"date":"2011-01-03T20:01:47","date_gmt":"2011-01-04T01:01:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=528"},"modified":"2011-01-03T20:01:47","modified_gmt":"2011-01-04T01:01:47","slug":"death-to-the-plants-a-month-long-journey-into-vegetarianism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=528","title":{"rendered":"Death to the Plants! A month-long journey into vegetarianism"},"content":{"rendered":"

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I haven\u2019t eaten meat all year and plan to continue this diet until the end of the month. This has nothing to do with social issues or ethics. I don\u2019t think meat is murder, unless you\u2019re talking about puppy meat. My temporary diet isn\u2019t about health, either. Instead of meat, I\u2019ll probably be gulping down unholy amounts of carbs, cheese, and fryer grease. I will try to eat a balanced diet, but I\u2019m not going to ask the waiter to make me a celery sandwich when pizza is on the menu. <\/p>\n

So why stop consuming meat? Eh\u2026I dunno. Needed something to write about, I guess. With no Lego Calendar to open, and interest in my beard waning, a new topic of discussion must be found. Thus, for the month of January, I shall not consume meat. This means no beef, chicken, pork, seafood, or sloth blood. <\/p>\n

I will, however, consume milk, eggs, cheese, and cookies. I\u2019m also open to the idea of eating bugs, because bugs aren\u2019t animals. They’re tiny time-traveling demons. Yes, even ladybugs. (Especially ladybugs.) <\/p>\n

Only three days into the diet and I\u2019m already enjoying the new tastes hitting my tongue. This weekend I experienced sweet potato tacos for the first time – not to be confused with sweat potato tacos, which is what I originally typed because I\u2019m a silly man. Sweet potato tacos are my new best friend. (Sorry, Todd.) <\/p>\n

Tonight I ate my first Boca burger, which wasn\u2019t bad, but the texture is bit\u2026iffy. It was sort of like eating a soggy granola bar. Still, I\u2019m not craving meat yet and I look forward to eating more things that weren\u2019t born, such as eggplant, clouds, and infinity hamsters. <\/p>\n

For breakfast, I\u2019m sticking with cereal, though I had to stop myself from sprinkling dried owl eyes on my Cheerios. I\u2019m using raisins instead. Same texture. Same taste, too. The dinners are the tricky part. Anyone know how to cook soy? I just held a brick of it under a hair dryer for a few days. Not sure if it\u2019s \u201cdone\u201d yet.<\/p>\n

Updates to follow\u2026unless I die from lack of ham.<\/p>\n