{"id":521,"date":"2011-01-01T12:51:16","date_gmt":"2011-01-01T17:51:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=521"},"modified":"2011-01-01T12:52:01","modified_gmt":"2011-01-01T17:52:01","slug":"my-new-years-resolutions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=521","title":{"rendered":"My New Year’s Resolutions"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

1.\tControl stop lights with my mind. <\/p>\n

2.\tNever type the word \u201c——h—–.\u201d<\/p>\n

3.\tUse my hair more. <\/p>\n

4.\tStop biting my nails.<\/p>\n

5.\tStop tasting my knee.<\/p>\n

6.\tLearn to dance with just my eyes. Start \u201ceye dancing\u201d trend. Become rich and famous. <\/p>\n

7.\tForgive and forget Bruce Willis.<\/p>\n

8.\tSave big $$$ by making my own Oreo Cookie filling. Then I can reuse the cookie parts that have only been licked once (or twice). <\/p>\n

9.\tLearn to hurt clouds. <\/p>\n

10.\tDig a hole just to see what happens. <\/p>\n

11.\tGive up smoking batteries. <\/p>\n

12.\tFinally reveal to the world that I have no clue how bowling scores work. <\/p>\n

13.\tUse magnets to piss off the moon.<\/p>\n

14.\tRead a book that ends with, \u201cCows?\u201d<\/p>\n

15.\tLive by the motto, \u201cDon\u2019t hate! Roller-skate!\u201d<\/p>\n

16.\tLearn to roller-skate.<\/p>\n

17.\tLearn to falcon-skate.<\/p>\n

18.\tPronounce \u201cburger\u201d in a sexy manner. <\/p>\n

19.\tSee what happens when I eat the bruised part of a banana. (Super powers?)<\/p>\n

20.\tBecome good at jumping. Really good.<\/p>\n

21.\tStop ending phone conversations with, \u201cThe fire of our minds burns brightest when we look away.\u201d<\/p>\n

22.\tGet some rope, just in case. <\/p>\n

23.\tEnd lists on numbers not divisible by 5 or 10. <\/p>\n