It’s hard enough finding a leprechaun, getting one to agree to an interview is nearly impossible. Luckily, through a friend of a friend, I was able to find a leprechaun willing to go on record about Saint Patrick’s Day and leprechaun culture. Sly-Robert was born (or hatched…leprechauns are coy about their birth process) in Ireland and moved to Orlando, FL in the 1980s. He’s since moved from forest to forest across the United States. I invited him to the studio and after a few rounds of strong tea, he finally began to open up. <\/p>\n
DAN BERGSTEIN: Thanks for making the time. This must be a busy time of year for you?<\/strong> Has anyone ever found you?<\/strong> That must feel good. It\u2019s quite an accomplishment. <\/strong> Where are some of your favorite hiding spots?<\/strong> What was it like growing up as a Leprechaun?<\/strong> What do most people wrongly assume about leprechauns?<\/strong> So you don\u2019t grant wishes?<\/strong> Can you perform any magic?<\/strong> No, that\u2019s not necessary. You don\u2019t use magic often? <\/strong> Is there anything about human culture that you don\u2019t understand?<\/strong> What can you tell us about your gold?<\/strong> How much is in the pot?<\/strong> Handicrafts?<\/strong> That\u2019s adorable.<\/strong> Steal?<\/strong> Are you married?<\/strong> Tracy?<\/strong> Is Tracy a leprechaun?<\/strong> She was human?<\/strong> How do you prepare for St. Patrick\u2019s Day?<\/strong> What do leprechauns eat?<\/strong> What\u2019s the relationship between leprechauns and birds?<\/strong> But leprechauns have warred with birds in the past, no?<\/strong> Moving on, do you own any charms?<\/strong> I apologize. Let\u2019s get back to Saint Patrick\u2019s Day. How will you spend the day after?<\/strong> Yeah. <\/strong> Does Tracy hide on Saint Patrick\u2019s Day?<\/strong> Does she have a pot of gold?<\/strong> What happens if you do get caught this year?<\/strong> Without giving too much away, what\u2019s at the end of the rainbow?<\/strong> Louis?<\/strong> Is he a leprechaun?<\/strong> I wish you luck this year. Thank you so much for your time. This was great.<\/strong> No hard feelings. <\/strong>
\nSLY-ROBERT:<\/strong> It\u2019s busy, but honestly there\u2019s not much for me to do officially. It\u2019s not like I have to make toys or hide eggs. It\u2019s pretty much…I have to hide. That\u2019s it. I hide on St. Pat’s Day and if someone catches me during that day, they get my gold. <\/p>\n
\nNope. I\u2019ve been doing this for 377 years and no one has found me…ever. <\/p>\n
\nIt\u2019s okay. It\u2019s weird. You do this long enough without being found and you start to get a little crazy. For a few decades I was convinced that I was dead and that\u2019s why no one could find me. That was a dark time. But now things are better. It\u2019s still fun I guess. <\/p>\n
\nLike I\u2019m going to tell you where I hide. Nice try. Look, it\u2019s different every year. One year I was in an attic in Denver. Nine years ago I hid in France at this perfume shop. I\u2019ve hidden on trains and in planes. I\u2019ve hidden inside backpacks at Middle Schools. A few times I hid inside the Liberty Bell. I thought for sure someone would spot me, but it never happened. <\/p>\n
\nI don\u2019t know how to answer that. I\u2019ve always been a Leprechaun. It\u2019s like me asking you, \u201cWhat was it like growing up human?\u201d I\u2019m not trying to be a jerk. Honest. I mean, there\u2019s a real ugly stereotype that leprechauns are jerks — that we\u2019re mean or play tricks. That\u2019s ignorant. That\u2019s part of the reason I agreed to this interview. It\u2019s not like I need the press. <\/p>\n
\nWhere to start? First, we don\u2019t grant wishes. I mean, sure…some of us grant wishes but that\u2019s just a few random \u2018Chauns in the North. And honestly, I shouldn\u2019t say this because it\u2019ll turn into a whole thing, but honestly, those guys are more imp than leprechaun. You have to trace their family trees back, and it\u2019s not like being part-imp is bad. It\u2019s just…there\u2019s differences. This gets sticky. It\u2019s not like I think imps are bad or that imps and leprechauns shouldn\u2019t get married. Do whatever you want. Whatever makes you happy, right? But…there\u2019s a culture that gets muddled. I\u2019m really digging myself deeper here. Let\u2019s move on. <\/p>\n
\nMe personally? No. No I don\u2019t. I don\u2019t even know how that\u2019s done. There\u2019s a spell. <\/p>\n
\nA little. It was easier when I was younger. I was pretty good at plant stuff — making plants grow, vines and stuff. It\u2019s more difficult now. I think the trees are harder these days. I can probably make a cactus limb strangle a bird or something. I can show you…<\/p>\n
\nSometimes I\u2019ll snap my fingers and make sparks to start a fire. That\u2019s only when I\u2019m camping. And I ride on rainbows, of course. Faster than walking. <\/p>\n
\nCars. You people love cars. All of your commercials are for cars or car insurance and there are car stores everywhere. I don\u2019t get it. You\u2019re in the car and you drive for, like, three seconds and then you have to stop at a light or a red-sign. And then you go for another three seconds. Start, stop, start, stop. That\u2019s frustrating. But hey, I can\u2019t drive. I don\u2019t know how it feels. I\u2019m only a foot tall, so I\u2019ll never know. Maybe it\u2019s fun. I don\u2019t get it though. Also, I never got into Star Wars. <\/p>\n
\nNot much. Is there gold? Yes. Is it a lot of gold? Not really. It\u2019s one pot. And the pot isn\u2019t like some epic cauldron. It\u2019s a pot, the size you use for heating oatmeal. People have this conception that the pot is bigger than a house. Come on! How does that even make sense? <\/p>\n
\nThe value fluctuates. At its peak, there was about $70,000 in there. I used a little of the money to buy clothes and stuff, and I add a little after I sell off some handicrafts.<\/p>\n
\nDuring the off-season I make bookmarks out of pressed leaves and I sell them at the market. <\/p>\n
\nI also steal. <\/p>\n
\nIt\u2019s something I\u2019d rather not go into. Let\u2019s just say even if I were the freakin\u2019 Steve Jobs of bookmarks, I couldn\u2019t amass a $70,000 fortune. That\u2019s simple dollars and cents. The money\u2019s gotta come from somewhere, right? Don\u2019t ask where. You won\u2019t like the answer. <\/p>\n
\nShort answer: No. Long answer: You\u2019d have to ask Tracy. <\/p>\n
\nWe\u2019re off and on, hot and cold. Right now we\u2019re kind of making it work. I\u2019m helping her with her album. When there\u2019s a project involved, we tend to get along. It\u2019s when we\u2019re both out of work that things get bad. <\/p>\n
\nYes, but she converted.<\/p>\n
\nUntil high school. Then her parents let her choose. It\u2019s happening more and more. You\u2019d be surprised. <\/p>\n
\nThe key to hiding is controlling your breath. So before the big day I\u2019ll train with breathing exercises and yoga for a month. You gotta approach this seriously. Some young ‘Chauns stroll into the big day without any practice and then some little kid hears them huffing and puffing in a cupboard and…tah-dah…the cool-guy leprechaun is forking over a pot of gold to a kid not old enough to see a PG-13 movie. It\u2019s funny, man. So yeah…breathing exercises. Also, you have to eat right. You\u2019re, hopefully, going a full day without eating or moving, so you have to eat well before you hide. I try to eat four major meals the day before.<\/p>\n
\nChildren\u2019s noses. Just kidding. I eat a lot of bird meat, raw if possible. And brown rice. And potatoes.<\/p>\n
\nThis is about what happened in Australia? That wasn\u2019t our fault. <\/p>\n
\nWe defended ourselves, sure. History books tell you we\u2019re the bad guys — we\u2019re the ones who tried to capture all the birds and use them as transportation and labor — we\u2019re the ones who invaded the sky during the First Rainbow War. It\u2019s not like that. It\u2019s…this goes back for centuries. The birds were picking us off the ground and eating us whole. It\u2019s gruesome. People forget that. And it\u2019s not like we were the only ones enslaving birds. There were pixies and gremlins involved too. You don\u2019t hear about them, because…I don\u2019t know why. Maybe they have better PR. But it\u2019s complicated. My fight isn\u2019t with the birds — it\u2019s with anyone who threatens me. That may include birds, sure, but it could be snakes and squirrels too. Some species eat leprechauns, and leprechauns fight back. That\u2019s as simple as I can make it. And what happened in Australia last week? That\u2019s tragic. Of course it is. But I\u2019m also not the spokesperson for all leprechauns. I denounce what happened. If that\u2019s what you\u2019re after, then there it is. I denounce those events. 100%. <\/p>\n
\nCome on! That\u2019s racist. That right there is the problem with everything. Hey, maybe I own charms. Maybe I have a lucky compass that I wear around my neck, and maybe that compass always points to treasure. But just because I\u2019m leprechaun, doesn\u2019t mean I automatically…it\u2019s messed up. I\u2019m regretting this interview. Come on! Seriously? I\u2019m not leaving, but yeah…tread lightly, friend. <\/p>\n
\nIf no one finds me?<\/p>\n
\nIf no one finds me, I do a little celebrating. It\u2019s a tradition I have. Nothing fancy. I\u2019m too old to go partying all night. So it\u2019ll be a small celebration, maybe a nice meal at a reasonable restaurant. If Tracy is talking to me, she comes along. <\/p>\n
\nYeah. But it\u2019s easier for humans who have converted to leprechauns. They look like normal humans. So no one throws a net over them and demands a pot of gold. She can probably walk around the mall like normal and nothing will happen. She hasn\u2019t been caught. <\/p>\n
\nYeah. We keep our pots separate. It\u2019s a sore subject with her, but it\u2019s just easier that way. <\/p>\n
\nI lose the gold. That\u2019s the big thing. Then it\u2019s a matter of saving your dignity among the other leprechauns. Our culture can be catty. But I\u2019m not expecting to get caught. <\/p>\n
\nLouis. <\/p>\n
\nHe\u2019s in charge of security. He watches the pots. Good guy. We go back a ways. <\/p>\n
\nNo. He was raised Orc, but I think his real parents were werewolf. He\u2019s got werewolf in him. <\/p>\n
\nSure. And look, I\u2019m sorry if I was being aggressive. Really. I know you\u2019re just doing your job. It\u2019s cool. We\u2019re cool. <\/p>\n
\nAnd check out Tracy\u2019s album, \u201cLuck Key.\u201d It\u2019s available on her Facebook now. They\u2019re just demos, but totally solid. <\/p>\n