{"id":4933,"date":"2017-02-07T12:53:44","date_gmt":"2017-02-07T17:53:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=4933"},"modified":"2017-02-07T23:36:11","modified_gmt":"2017-02-08T04:36:11","slug":"writer-wanted","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=4933","title":{"rendered":"Writer Wanted"},"content":{"rendered":"

Job Posting<\/strong><\/p>\n

A global media company is seeking an experienced writer to generate content for multiple channels. We value our creative talent and offer competitive benefits and salary. <\/p>\n

Position:<\/strong>
\nWriter <\/p>\n

Responsibilities:<\/strong>
\nThe qualified applicant will write and publish daily content as well as take and edit all photographs for the entire company…and they better be good. In fact, don\u2019t worry so much about making words. If you could just put together some amazing photos and logos…and videos! You\u2019re good with video, too right? Most writers are. Isn\u2019t there a Mark Twain award for video production? Should be. When not making videos and short films and shareable gifs, you will also be required to organize all of our data into measurable, easy-to-digest info nuggets. For instance, how many readers of your video actually engaged with the content? Just imagine how much better Moby Dick<\/em> would have been had the author also published detailed analytical data regarding reader engagement and \u201clikes\u201d? Is a writer who doesn\u2019t spend 94% of their workday navigating Google Analytics really a writer at all? And you will also do your own marketing during your personal time, so plan to spend nights and weekends bragging about your content and our company to friends and family. (We have a marketing department, but really, can\u2019t you just do it?) As a writer, you\u2019ll also need to do a substantial amount of baking. Get started at 3 a.m. so the bread is fresh and warm when we need it. And how are you with kites? Pretty good, we hope. The role of the writer also includes mild carpentry and you should be able to lift 60-lbs. over your head…and then onto a truck. Oh, and we don\u2019t have a desk for you, so set yourself up in your car in the parking lot — but not too close to the building. The writer is also responsible for single-handedly saving this company from bankruptcy and failure to show provable results within two hours of hiring will result in public humiliation at company-wide meeting as the CEO will look at you and simply say, “Well?” in a very angry manner. And you have to generate the electricity which runs the building and you\u2019ll be in charge of public relations and computer coding and if we get sick, you have to make us better. <\/p>\n

Qualifications<\/strong>
\n8 years experience in fast-moving environment
\nBachelor\u2019s Degree in related field
\nRinging endorsement from town big-wig
\nMaster’s Degree in Business\/Accounting or Engineering
\nArt Degree from Real School We\u2019ve Heard Of
\nPhotos published in National Geographic (maps don\u2019t count!)
\nCertificate proving you ran the mile in elementary school
\nKnot-tying award
\nThumbs up from our doctor
\nAbility to withstand cold
\nEye for fashion and investment opportunities
\nCoal mining or related experience
\nDucks come to you when you call them
\nGold or Silver Olympic Medal <\/p>\n

Compensation:<\/strong>
\n$4 an hour plus a T-shirt (if you sign up for softball), but if you save the entire company, we can revisit your salary.<\/p>\n

Please send resume, two writing samples, and a letter of recommendation from our current boss to the address provided in a secret website only accessible to current employees. <\/p>\n