{"id":4881,"date":"2017-02-01T16:49:31","date_gmt":"2017-02-01T21:49:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=4881"},"modified":"2017-02-01T16:54:27","modified_gmt":"2017-02-01T21:54:27","slug":"daily-transmission-32-calvin-and-hobbes-pitch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=4881","title":{"rendered":"Daily Transmission #32: Calvin and Hobbes Pitch"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Dear Mr. Bill Waterson:<\/p>\n

This letter is to inform you that we here at Imagination Productions are very interested in transforming your Calvin and Hobbes<\/em> comic strip into a big budget film series. While you may scoff, we ask that you hear us out. We know what we\u2019re doing. You can trust us.<\/p>\n

If the success of recent films such as Smurfs <\/em>and the upcoming Smurfs: The Lost Village<\/em> are any indication, audiences are mildly eager to see beloved characters from the 80s and 90s on the big screen! Now it can finally be your turn for the Hollywood spotlight!<\/p>\n

We have already worked out a treatment for the Calvin and Hobbes movie. <\/p>\n

The film opens in ancient Egypt as a young Cleopatra buries her beloved pet cat in a secret pyramid. Sad? Yes, but this will get younger audiences to stop fussing about in their seats. You gotta start sad! <\/p>\n

We flash-forward to present day when an archaeological crew (maybe lead by Michael Caine in a cameo role) uncovers the pyramid, but just as the pyramid is revealed, a blue bolt of energy (“Feline Force,” as it will later be called) blasts up and into the sky. An assistant asks Michael Caine, \u201cWhat was that?\u201d And Caine replies, \u201cThat, my friend, was our last hope.\u201d <\/p>\n

Then the title card cracks into the screen in big, rocky letters: Calvin and Hobbes: The Beginning Rises<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Now the film really gets going. We see young Calvin in his day-to-day life. He’s a troublemaker known for causing mischief, daydreaming, and saying his soon-to-be classic catchphrase, \u201cAin\u2019t that a kick in the treasures!\u201d <\/p>\n

Calvin is an orphan, which we admit strays from your original narrative, but you should trust us. It\u2019s better if he\u2019s an orphan. He\u2019s living with a foster family. Don\u2019t worry…by the end Calvin helps audiences understand that family can mean many things. In fact, \u201cFamily Means Many Things\u201d is the song he sings after the chase through the airport in the film’s finale.<\/p>\n

What Calvin doesn\u2019t know, and this must kept secret in all promotional materials for the film, is that his mother was actually related to Cleopatra making Calvin heir to the Feline Force. All of that gets explained by Old Mr. Kettle, the British historian who ends up training Calvin. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.<\/p>\n

Where were we? After a big scene in which no one remembers Calvin\u2019s birthday, the Feline Force blasts into a toy store and is absorbed by a stuffed tiger. Calvin investigates the energy blast and sees the stuffed tiger is now alive. (The tiger is voiced by ether Matthew Mcconaughey or Johnny Knoxville in an Oscar-caliber performance.)<\/p>\n

Sample dialogue: <\/p>\n

CALVIN:<\/strong> You talk?!
\nHOBBES:<\/strong> Actually, more like Talk U — that\u2019s where I learned how! [Hobbes then pulls out a degree from “Talk University” and shoves it towards the camera in IMAX 3D so we see he majored in \u201cJibber-Jabber.\u201d When he does this, there’s a an air-horn sound effect.]
\nCALVIN:<\/strong> Ain’t that a kick in the treasures!?<\/p>\n

The next hour of the movie follows Calvin and Hobbes as they attempt to collect all seven Magic Whiskers of the Feline Force. <\/p>\n

Then they have to escape the amusement park and make it back in time or else Hobbes will turn into just a regular stuffed animal FOREVER!<\/p>\n

Will they make it back in time?
\nWill Calvin win the skateboard race around the world?
\nAnd what happens when Calvin tries to take Hobbes to the vet?!?<\/p>\n

To say more would ruin the surprise, but here are a few key points:<\/p>\n

Susie Derkins has her own magic stuffed animal — a teddy bear voiced by Amy Adams who offers wonderful jokes that adults will understand. <\/p>\n

There\u2019s a subplot about Susie\u2019s dad trying to steal the plans to Calvin\u2019s Transmogrifier. But every time he tries to steal the plans, he accidentally eats “Fart Candy.” <\/p>\n

There\u2019s a joke where Hobbes says, \u201cI\u2019ve heard of popcorn, but never mop-corn!\u201d We\u2019re still working out the premise, but that punchline is gold. <\/p>\n

Spaceman Spiff shows up in a post-credit sequence teasing the next three films. <\/p>\n

Part of the film takes place in China.<\/p>\n

Calvin inherits a mansion.<\/p>\n

Hobbes from another multiverse is evil and causes trouble.<\/p>\n

Moe is no longer a bully. He\u2019s Calvin\u2019s best friend. <\/p>\n

Miss Wormwood was tasked with keeping an eye on Calvin until the Feline Force showed itself. She was his protector all along!<\/p>\n

And there you have it.<\/p>\n

The movie is pretty much ready to go. All we need is your permission. We want nothing more than to continue the adventures of Calvin and Hobbes and The Feline Force in a respectful manner. <\/p>\n

Please let us know by noon tomorrow if we can do this, because we\u2019ve already been talking about the movie on Twitter and the teaser trailer will be released tonight. Trailer Soundtrack: “The Boys Are Back in Town” by Thin Lizzy<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Thank you.<\/p>\n