{"id":4861,"date":"2017-01-29T15:11:05","date_gmt":"2017-01-29T20:11:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=4861"},"modified":"2017-01-29T15:20:08","modified_gmt":"2017-01-29T20:20:08","slug":"daily-transmission-29-roof-gnomes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=4861","title":{"rendered":"Daily Transmission #29: Roof Gnomes"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Roof Gnomes<\/strong>
\nBy Dan Bergstein <\/p>\n

I\u2019m not supposed to tell you this, but I think you should know — there are three gnomes living on your roof. They are Roof Gnomes.<\/p>\n

I use the word \u201cgnome\u201d but they look nothing like storybook gnomes who wear red pointy caps and have white beards. Roof gnomes wear green caps, first of all. They don\u2019t usually have beards. And they are quicker and more nimble than typical gnomes. They also have longer fingers and toes, which is how they stay balanced on roofs. They are very good at balancing. <\/p>\n

Roof gnomes aren\u2019t even their true name. In olden times, they were called Himps. And before roofs were invented, Himps lived in trees. Himps must live as high as possible because if a Himp touches the ground, there is a loud SNAP and the Himp disappears forever. <\/p>\n

That\u2019s the rule of Himps. They cannot touch the ground. <\/p>\n

A long time ago, a regular gnome crossed paths with an evil cave hag. The cave hag used its dark magic and cursed the gnome by saying, \u201cAll of your descendants shall never touch the ground again!\u201d And from that point on, the gnome and all of his descendants began living up in trees, and then roofs. (And if the news from Roof Gnome headquarters is true, they will soon live on space stations and then other planets, but that won\u2019t happen for another ten years at least.)<\/p>\n

There\u2019s more to story of the first Himp, but it\u2019s not important now. <\/p>\n

What is important is that there are three Himps living on your roof right now, and one of them needs your help. <\/p>\n

The three Himps are siblings. Their names are Ooma (she\u2019s the eldest sibling and smartest), Aama (she\u2019s the middle child and mischievous), and Eema (he\u2019s the youngest and is terribly shy).<\/p>\n

Now don\u2019t panic. Himps (or Roof Gnomes) are not dangerous. They are as friendly as puppies! While some may play a prank or two, just as a puppy might chew up your favorite shoe, they will never hurt you. <\/p>\n

Himps are very difficult to see. I am one of only a dozen people who has ever seen one. They have wonderful camouflage and love to hide. They\u2019re no bigger than your fist. And they can move quite fast…faster than most humans can see. <\/p>\n

Himps sleep during the day, often hiding in gutters or inside chimneys. And at night they come out and play. Perhaps you\u2019ve heard them running back and forth on your roof. <\/p>\n

Himps spend most nights jumping from roof to roof, and climbing high in trees and then jumping from a tree to another roof and leaping into more trees. They can jump very, very far. Even nimble squirrels are impressed with how Himps move and run and play. After living high off the ground for so many thousands of years, Himps have gotten very good at it. <\/p>\n

But accidents do happen. Every so often a Himp will slip and fall and touch the ground. Then SNAP…and they\u2019re gone. <\/p>\n

This is why Eema, the youngest sibling living on your roof, rarely jumps into trees or visits other roofs. He stays put, safe and secure on your roof while his sisters dart around the neighborhood stealing flowers and climbing trees. <\/p>\n

He likes it that way. <\/p>\n

But something happened last week. While his sisters were off jumping on other roofs, Eema was walking on your roof like he does most nights and decided to crawl to the edge of your roof and looked down into the yard. When he looked down to the dangerous ground, he said to himself, \u201cThat\u2019s so scary.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cI am not scary,\u201d came a voice from the yard. <\/p>\n

\u201cWho said that?\u201d Eema said. <\/p>\n

\u201cI did,\u201d came the voice. <\/p>\n

Eema looked but didn\u2019t see any other Himps, fairies, imps, gnomes, leprechauns or awful, awful pixies (he hated pixies). \u201cWho\u2019s there?\u201d he said, squinting into the darkness. <\/p>\n

\u201cI did,\u201d said the voice. \u201cI\u2019m a rock.\u201d<\/p>\n

Did you know rocks could talk? Perhaps I should have shared that with you earlier. Honestly, it\u2019s as if schools today have neglected the most basic information. Simply put: Yes, rocks can talk. They have tiny mouths and eyes. Most don\u2019t talk because they have nothing to say. <\/p>\n

\u201cWhich rock are you?\u201d said Eema from your roof. There are several rocks in your yard and Eema wasn\u2019t sure which rock was speaking to him. <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m the rock over here. I\u2019m gray and tiny, about the size of a baseball. My name is Edith,\u201d said the rock, whose name was Edith. <\/p>\n

Eema finally found the right rock and called down to her, \u201cHello.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHello,\u201d Edith said. \u201cAre you a bird?”<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. I’m a Roof Gnome which is the same thing as a Himp.”<\/p>\n

\u201cI see,\u201d said Edith. \u201cWhy do you think I\u2019m scary?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think you\u2019re scary,\u201d Eema said. <\/p>\n

\u201cYou said I was scary,\u201d Edith said. <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I said the ground was scary,\u201d Eema corrected. \u201cI wasn\u2019t talking about you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh. Why is the ground scary?\u201d Edith asked. She had never talked to a Himp before and was enjoying the conversation. <\/p>\n

\u201cIf I touch the ground, I\u2019ll vanish forever,\u201d Eema said. He was now kneeling very close to the edge of the roof, closer than normal. <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy will you vanish?\u201d Edith asked. <\/p>\n

\u201cBecause of a cave hag,\u201d said Eema. \u201cIt\u2019s a long story. Our culture is complicated.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI understand,\u201d said Edith. \u201cI\u2019m a rock and that means I must stay in the ground. If I\u2019m ever taken out of the ground, I won\u2019t be able to talk or think or see or anything!\u201d <\/p>\n

This was true. Rocks were alive, but only when they were on the ground. Once lifted off the ground, they were just…well…regular rocks. Rock culture is also complicated. <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is it like to be on the ground,\u201d Eema asked. <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s nice,\u201d said Edith. \u201cBut I wish I could see more things. Can you see many things from up there?\u201d<\/p>\n

Eema took a moment and looked out at the neighborhood. He could see many houses and trees and clouds and a mountain in the distance. \u201cI can see houses and mountains and things like that,\u201d he said. <\/p>\n

\u201cWow!\u201d Edith said. \u201cMy great-great-grandma was a mountain!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat can you see down there?\u201d Eema asked. <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, there is grass and dirt and tiny flowers and a worm named Barney. Hello Barney.\u201d<\/p>\n

Barney the worm nodded to Edith and kept crawling to work. <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve always wanted to touch dirt and grass and meet a worm,\u201d Eema said from the roof. <\/p>\n

And just then Eema\u2019s sisters returned and Eema had to say goodbye to Edith. It was time for bed. <\/p>\n

But the next night, Eema crawled to the edge of the roof again and called out, \u201cEdith? Are you there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I am,\u201d said Edith. \u201cI can\u2019t go anywhere, silly.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cOh, right,\u201d said Eema. \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m okay,\u201d she said. \u201cWhat did you do today?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI threw some sticks into the chimney and my sisters are out jumping on roofs.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cThat sounds fun,\u201d said Edith. <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did you do today,\u201d Eema asked. <\/p>\n

\u201cI thought about the color purple for a while. I\u2019ve been thinking about it for many years and have finally decided it\u2019s my third favorite color. And then I saw an airplane in the sky!\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cI saw it too,\u201d Eema said with a shout. (Perhaps you heard him shouting. He was very excited.)<\/p>\n

Eema and Edith talked the entire night. Edith told Eema what dirt feels like and Eema told Edith what the other side of the yard looks like. Edith told Eema about geology and Eema told Edith about gnome history. They even had an inside joke about awful pixies. (Pixies are very awful and mean and say nasty things about even their closest friends.)<\/p>\n

Edith and Eema talked the next night too. And the next. They talked about hiding and how you and your friends never seem to notice them. They talked about weather (Edith loves rain, but Eema says it makes the roof too slippery.) And they talked about their favorite stars and clouds. <\/p>\n

And the next night Edith asked if Eema could ever come down to visit her, and Eema looked scared. He wanted to go down and meet his new friend face to face, but was worried about touching the ground. <\/p>\n

When he asked his sisters what to do, Ooma and Aama teased him — as older sisters often do. <\/p>\n

But now I wonder if you could help. Are you busy today? If you have a moment, perhaps you could place a thick towel or blanket on the ground by the rock. Then Eema could hop down and land on the towel and talk to Edith face-to-face. Wouldn’t that be lovely!<\/p>\n

If you help Eema and Edith, they might help you in return. Roof Gnomes are good at protecting and rocks are great at history homework since they’ve been alive for millions of years. <\/p>\n

Whenever you have the chance to help a Roof Gnome or a rock, you should do so.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re busy, I understand. Like I said at the beginning, I just thought you should know. <\/p>\n

There are three Roof Gnomes living right above you. They are mostly nice. And there is a talking rock in your yard, and her name is Edith. She’s nice too. And I think Eema and Edith like each other. <\/p>\n

But if anyone asks, you didn’t hear it from me. <\/p>\n

Please let me know what happens!<\/p>\n

(You also have a goblin in the kitchen pantry. He eats fingers.) <\/p>\n