{"id":4740,"date":"2022-02-01T15:36:38","date_gmt":"2022-02-01T20:36:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=4740"},"modified":"2022-04-25T15:28:46","modified_gmt":"2022-04-25T19:28:46","slug":"daily-transmission-14-cover-letter-and-resume","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=4740","title":{"rendered":"Cover Letter & Resume"},"content":{"rendered":"

To Whom It May Concern:<\/strong><\/p>\n

I was delighted to find your job listing as my skills would be a great asset to your team of motivated individuals.<\/p>\n

To hit a few points mentioned in the job listing, I\u2019d first like to be upfront and admit I have no experience working as an accountant, but that just means beginner’s luck is on my side. I know your ad stated applicants should have 8+ years of experience, but eight years? Really? That seems like overkill. You can probably teach me the important stuff in just a few months, and I\u2019d be ready to go. I learned how to play \u201cJingle Bells\u201d using a rubber band guitar I made out of a milk carton, so clearly I\u2019m a good learner. By the way, how much vacation time is there?<\/p>\n

My organization skills are poor and the thought of multitasking stirs within me a panic so sudden and real that…I can\u2019t even finish this. Ugh, right? People scare me, as I assume them to be puppets, and while your ad recommended the job applicant be self-motivated, I\u2019m assuming there\u2019s wiggle room there. I can<\/em> self motivate myself, but I work better when I don\u2019t have to. I hope that is not a deal-breaker. All of these things are based on my brain’s biology, and so it\u2019s part of my health according to my friends and I. As such, you kind of have to hire me because of the laws. Medically.<\/p>\n

As for references, I\u2019d really rather not. I trust that my past employers would say only glowing things about my performance, but I told them all that I\u2019d be a famous singer by now and the thought of them learning the truth bums me out. So let\u2019s keep this between us, okay?<\/p>\n

Thank you for your time. The best way to reach me is tomorrow when I stop by your office to see how the job search thing is going. (I\u2019ll be the one in the gold sunglasses.)<\/p>\n

Resume is attached below. Click to make it bigger.<\/p>\n

Sincerely,
\nYours Truly<\/p>\n

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