Hi. So…Internet, huh? Crazy stuff. Um. What do I do now? Wanna play Internet Scrabble or Internet Hungry Hungry Hippos? Or we can watch cat videos, if you’d like. No? Fine.<\/p>\n
You have questions, and I have answers.<\/p>\n
Q: Who Are you?<\/strong> Q: Are you the same Dan from SparkNotes?<\/strong> Q: Are you the same Dan who was an editor for Stuff Magazine?<\/strong> Q: Are you the same Dan that worked for Sports Illustrated?<\/strong> Q: Are you the same Dan who works as a freelance writer for a variety of magazines and websites?<\/strong> Q: Are you the same Dan that I went to college with?<\/strong> Q: Why do you have your own site? Do you think you\u2019re better than me?<\/strong> <\/p>\n Q: Does this mean you\u2019re not working for SparkNotes anymore!!?<\/strong> As the only freelance writer without a personal website, this was long overdue. Professionally speaking, all writers should have their own area of the internet carved out in order to connect with various editors\/publishers\/swimming coaches. Plus, I wanted a place where I can write and publish items and articles that don\u2019t fit into my other writing gigs.<\/p>\n Q: So you\u2019re going to be writing about hardcore sex, radical religious beliefs, and fringe politics?<\/strong> Q: Your webzone sounds stupid. I kind of hate it. Can I go now?<\/strong> Q: What fun? I like fun. Give me some fun, jerk.<\/strong> But please give it time. I have obligations to my employers first and foremost, so this site is more a side project than a full-time job. And be patient with my computer skills. It took me eight hours just to figure out how to type verbs on the website. (You must hold the F7 key.)<\/p>\n Q: Which large corporation is pulling your strings, sell-out?<\/strong> Q: If you wanted your site to look like complete crap, then congratulations. It looks like crap.<\/strong> Q: Why can\u2019t I comment on this stupid article?<\/strong> Q: So you\u2019ll still be using Facebook and Twitter?<\/strong> Q: Can I work for you?<\/strong> Q: Will you post Blogging Twilight here?<\/strong> Q: Make me laugh, monkey!<\/strong> Q: Less talking, more dancing. Dance!<\/strong>
\nA: I\u2019m Dan.<\/p>\n
\nA: Yes.<\/p>\n
\nA: Yep.<\/p>\n
\nA: Sort of.<\/p>\n
\nA: Yes.<\/p>\n
\nA: Yes.<\/p>\n
\nA: Not at all. <\/p>\n
\nA: Slow down! Of course not. I love writing for SparkNotes. It\u2019s a dream job, and one I hope to continue until the day I die, which according to the time traveling spider is January 14, 2066.<\/p>\n
\nA: Nope. The site will remain PG-13, and writing about politics and religion is boring. On any given day, I have 5,990 terrific ideas (mostly about caves), but before today I could only publish a few these because I never had an outlet of my own. Consider this site my personal doodle pad. Go on. Consider it. I’ll wait while you consider. <\/p>\n
\nA: Sure. But you\u2019ll be missing out on all the fun.<\/p>\n
\nA: In the weeks and months ahead, I will roll out amazing content, from podcasts to comics. In the near future, you’ll find all sorts of wonderful items here, such as:<\/p>\n\n
\nA: This is an independent site. I own it. I pay for it out of my own pocket. I\u2019m the boss. I\u2019m also the janitor, chimney sweep, and the local barber. One day soon I hope to sell this site to a large corporation. (Dear Kraft Foods, What’s up? You look great today. Is that a new hat?) Then I’ll move to Secret France, where the celebrities live.<\/p>\n
\nA: The site is visually dull for two reasons. First, I know nothing about web design. Second, I wanted to launch the site before the holiday season because I\u2019m working on a few fantastic holiday items that would make us all feel sad and depressed if I published them in May. The site will be fine-tuned as it matures. Things will change. The look of the current site is as permanent as Cuba Gooding Jr.\u2019s popularity.<\/p>\n
\nA: I don\u2019t care if you say awful things about me, but I\u2019ll defend my readers against intolerance and spam every chance I get. This is a one-man show, so there\u2019s no easy way to moderate comments in an efficient manner. To prevent spam attacks and general unkindness, I have disabled commenting. I\u2019m working on this, and soon there will be interactive features to the site – maybe not commenting, but something similar. And you can still use Facebook and Twitter to tell me I have a fat head or that I used the wrong \u201cthere.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nA: Yes. I\u2019m addicted. Hours of my day will still be spent writing stupid Tweets and Facebook posts. Though a chief reason I made this site is because I wanted a place to publish my own content without kneeling before the rather evil copyright laws of Facebook. Put another way, if I make a poop joke here, I own that joke, and Facebook can\u2019t take that away from me. You hear me, Facebook?! Yeah, you hear me\u2026and you fear me.<\/p>\n
\nA: For the time being I\u2019m not opening the door for submissions. This may change.<\/p>\n
\nA: Nope. You can read all of the Blogging Twilight articles on SparkNotes<\/a>. You can find links to Blogging Twilight and some of my other writing in the \u201cClips\u201d section at the top of this site.<\/p>\n
\nA: Why are you so aggressive? I really thought you would have been more supportive. Perhaps this was a bad idea.<\/p>\n
\nA: Very well.\u00a0 [Dan dances]<\/p>\n