{"id":3991,"date":"2016-01-27T17:56:42","date_gmt":"2016-01-27T22:56:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=3991"},"modified":"2016-01-27T18:00:57","modified_gmt":"2016-01-27T23:00:57","slug":"blogging-the-chronicles-of-narnia-part-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=3991","title":{"rendered":"Blogging The Chronicles of Narnia: Part 4"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Narn<\/a>Chapter Seven:<\/strong> What Happened at the Front Door<\/em>
\nBetter Title:<\/strong> 99 Problems And a Witch Is One<\/em><\/p>\n

Sometimes (or always) when blogging my way through the Twilight books, I dreaded the days when I had to shove the words into my eyes and read the chapter. But with these books, I look forward to it. It\u2019s nice to enjoy reading again. <\/p>\n

I\u2019m wondering how these books escaped me my entire life. This will sound sexist because…well…it is, but perhaps these books are more popular with young girls than young boys. And I\u2019m not sure why.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s nothing so far that makes me think this series sways towards female audiences (no princesses longing to kiss boys or characters whose biggest personality trait is that they are handsome), but none of my male friends remember reading it or having it read to them as children. <\/p>\n

So was there a sinister marketing tactic that aimed these books into the hands of young ladies? Or were boys less interested because we were busy sporting and spelling \u201c80085\u201d on calculators? Probably the latter, but I do know that back in my day there were more books for girls than boys. <\/p>\n

In fact, there was an Anne of Green Gables<\/em> reading group in my middle school that would not allow boys, by order of the teacher. The boys didn\u2019t have a reading group. They made us play floor hockey in the gym, and once I had the wind knocked out of me. It was terrible. <\/p>\n

All of that is to say this: I like this book very much and I\u2019m sad I didn\u2019t read it sooner.<\/p>\n

On to the story!<\/p>\n

The Witch has entered the house through the front door. I\u2019m not sure how she got from the upstairs office to the front door, but there\u2019s lot of things I don\u2019t understand such as nuclear fission, foot fetishes and how the mail works. <\/p>\n

In a delightful bit of comedy, Aunt Letty argues with Witch Jadis. After some back-and-forth, Jadis picks Letty up by the neck and tosses her across the room. Luckily, she lands on that mattress. It would be a far darker story if the previous chapter ended with Letty mending a pile of Lego bricks.<\/p>\n

Jadis and Uncle Andrew head off in the hansom cab and Digory and his Aunt Letty have lunch, because Letty is civilized. Digory wants to send the Witch back to her own world, but knows the only way to do that is if he grabs on to her, and then touches his golden ring. Since he can\u2019t go off searching for the Witch and his Uncle, he must stay inside and wait. <\/p>\n

While waiting for the Witch to return, a woman stops by with some grapes for Digory\u2019s sick mom. Digory overhears a conversation between this woman (whose name I can\u2019t remember so let\u2019s call her Cher) and Aunt Letty. It seems that Dig\u2019s mom is in bad shape. She\u2019s very sick, so I\u2019m not even going to bother learning her name or give her a new one. Why get attached? Cher and Letty agree that grapes will do Digory\u2019s mom well, but what the woman really needs is some magic life elixir. <\/p>\n

On any other day, Digory would laugh off the thought of magic juice, but today he\u2019s been to other realms and knows magic is real. And so he thinks of ways to find real magic juice that can save his mom\u2019s life. <\/p>\n

The Witch returns home (I don\u2019t know why), with police and most of the town yelling and running behind her. She has made a mess of the city and everyone is angry. <\/p>\n

Prediction<\/strong>
\n[Digory, Polly and Jadis are zapped to another dimension]
\nDIGORY:<\/strong> Where are we now?
\nJADIS:<\/strong> This is Challenge Zone, the realm where young people must survive in a post-apocalyptic setting. First, you must discover your Life Tribe. You will be classified as either a Water Ranger, Brain Ranger, The Wreckless, or Spider Class, where all of our enemies come from.
\nPOLLY:<\/strong> [Looks at her birthmark in the shape of a tiger] I am of The Wreckless!
\nDIGORY: <\/strong>Because I have visions of numbers, I must be Brain-Ranger class!
\nPOLLY:<\/strong> But that means we\u2019re rivals!
\nHOLDEN:<\/strong> And I\u2019m here too. I\u2019m handsome, but I\u2019m Spider Class. If only a young woman would tame me and change my ways. [wears sunglasses]
\nPOLLY:<\/strong> I hate you, Holden. But…I also don\u2019t not hate you. I\u2019m confused! Also, I\u2019m good with gymnastics, because that\u2019s my speciality. And I read most every book, because I\u2019m also nerdy.
\nDIGORY:<\/strong> Hurry! The tournament begins soon, and if you don\u2019t choose a boyfriend before Winter\u2019s Moon, the government agency known only as The Dynamic will rule forever! And prom is next week!
\n[Continued in the next book, and then two more books, and then another book]<\/p>\n

Chapter Eight:<\/strong> The Fight at the Lamp-Post<\/em>
\nBetter Title: <\/strong>“Pan-sabanywa-labi-laba-dah!” – Opening song of The Lion King<\/em><\/p>\n

There\u2019s a big scuffle as the police try to sort out what happened. The Witch has clearly ridden through town, acting like a mad woman and stealing things. Digory sees an opportunity and with the help of Polly (who came out to see the scuffle), wants to send the Witch back to Charn. <\/p>\n

There\u2019s a fight, with Uncle Andrew grabbing the Witch and the Witch grabbing the horse and the horse\u2019s owner, who seems like a nice guy and I hope one day gets a jetpack. <\/p>\n

When Digory grabs on to the Witch\u2019s ankle, Polly grabs him and touches the ring and they travel to the Wood Between Worlds. But because Uncle Andrew, the cabbie and the horse were all touching, they came along too. And they\u2019re all naked because why would the magic work on clothes?! Just kidding. They\u2019re not naked. At least the author doesn\u2019t tell us they\u2019re naked. <\/p>\n

Not much happens in the Wood Between Worlds. The horse, named Strawberry, takes a drink from one of the ponds and when she does, everyone goes blasting off into a new dimension. Only this time, everything is dark and empty. <\/p>\n

Everyone stands around for bit, trying to understand what happened. And then a singing voice can be heard, and it fills some of them with hope and joy. Uncle Andrew doesn\u2019t seem to like the music. More voices accompany the first and soon stars appear in the black sky and the sun begins to rise as the glorious song continues! <\/p>\n

And then there\u2019s a lion! And that\u2019s Jesus! Hi Jesus! And so this world came into being! <\/p>\n

Prediction<\/strong>
\n[Polly dramatically rides Strawberry into the field, Holden rides a futuristic motorcycle, and Digory is riding a bicycle-built-for-two by himself]
\nPOLLY:<\/strong> Part of me loves Digory. He’s a good friend.
\nDIGORY:<\/strong> Yay!
\nPOLLY:<\/strong> But I also love Holden.
\nHOLDEN:<\/strong> Of course.
\nPOLLY:<\/strong> It\u2019s difficult being a young woman.
\nDIGORY:<\/strong> Yep. But if we work together, we can defeat The Dynamic and end the ruthless Suicide Derby that the government makes us participate in.
\nPOLLY:<\/strong> Well, at least we can trust Grand Admiral Maggie. She is surely our friend.
\nGRAND ADMIRAL MAGGIE:<\/strong> No I’m not! Ha! Our friendship was a lie. I just told The Dynamic of your location and soon they will make you play in the Suicide Derby…against each other!!! And this time, you won\u2019t have your vision helmet or the Digital Sword!
\nPOLLY:<\/strong> So what you\u2019re saying is that now, once and for all, we\u2019ll see if I have what it takes to be the President of Life-Land (a.k.a. Narnia)?
\n[This conversation is split up into three movies]<\/p>\n

Blogging The Chronicles of Narnia is brought to you by PowerPencils.com<\/a>! Magic pencils are for girls only. And boys. And everyone. But not for frog people, unless they ask nicely. <\/em><\/p>\n

New blogs every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday!<\/strong><\/p>\n

For blogging updates, follow me on Twitter<\/a>, Instagram<\/a> and Facebook<\/a>! <\/strong><\/p>\n