{"id":3596,"date":"2015-12-02T17:20:20","date_gmt":"2015-12-02T22:20:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=3596"},"modified":"2015-12-02T17:24:44","modified_gmt":"2015-12-02T22:24:44","slug":"blogging-twilight-life-and-death-part-twenty-three","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=3596","title":{"rendered":"Blogging Twilight Life and Death: Part Twenty-Three"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Twi<\/a>Chapter Twenty-Three: The Choice<\/em>
\nBetter Title: Well…That Was Quick<\/em>
\n<\/strong>
\nSo there I was, reading this dumb-dumb book and nodding my head as the story chugs along just as it did in the original Twilight<\/em>. And then I get to the last few paragraphs of this chapter and — Ka-Boom! Things are different!<\/p>\n

Stephenie Meyer actually changed the story?! <\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t believe it at first, so I reread it and while I could go online to check my findings, I want \u201cTwilight\u201d to be in my internet search history as little as possible. So here\u2019s what I think happens. <\/p>\n

The previous chapter ended with Joss about to bit Beau\u2019s face off. And this chapter opens with Joss being attacked by the Cullens. <\/p>\n

Because Stephenie Meyer hates me, we don\u2019t see what happens with Joss. I assume Eleanor kills her with a flaming sword while screaming, \u201cNot on my watch, sister!\u201d Or, more likely, Carine gave Joss a stern warning and three punishment points on the chore wheel. <\/p>\n

With Joss gone, the Cullens rush to save Beau. Everyone is freaking out about his broken bones and then Edythe sees the bite mark. Beau was bitten!<\/p>\n

So far, this is pretty much what happened in Twilight<\/em>. But are you sitting down? If not, how are you reading this? Are you standing on a train, maybe? Or in line at the store to buy me a present? (I wear a size XL Storm Trooper Helmet!)<\/p>\n

Edythe needs to suck out the vampire venom before it\u2019s too late. But it\u2019s not working. Archie has a vision of only two outcomes. Either Beau will die a human, or he can live…as a vampire. <\/p>\n

Edythe doesn\u2019t know what to do. She asks the injured Beau to make the ultimate decision: Die or live forever as a perfect being with millions of dollars, super powers and a sex life beyond compare? Tough call. It makes sense that such a decision took the original books three entire volumes to answer. <\/p>\n

Beau says he wants to be with Edythe, no matter what. And like that [Dan smacks the book against his angry fist] Beau gets to be a vampire.<\/p>\n

What?!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Holy freaking crap! That saves a lot of time! That deletes all of New Moon<\/em> and Eclipse<\/em>. A few poorly written sentences and Beau gets to be a vampire? Wow. So you\u2019re telling me I read all that crap about Italy and the fountain and the pregnancy and whatever the hell happened in Eclipse <\/em>(it was about a haunted waterpark, right?) when this whole damn story could have been solved with a simple nibble on the neck?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure if I\u2019m angry or thrilled? I\u2019m laughing. I can\u2019t stop laughing. Or shaking.<\/p>\n

Bravo, Meyer. I didn\u2019t expect this. I expected another drawn out series of books filled with murmur conversations about destiny and hope, and then, only after Beau somehow has a baby (or a kidney stone), is he allowed to be turned into a vampire. <\/p>\n

But instead the book went all logical on me. I don’t know how to handle that. It’s like when the bully helps you fix a flat tire. It’s a nice gesture, but deep down you’re waiting for the sucker punch. Will Meyer punch me? What’s she planning?! I’m scared, guys. Real scared. <\/p>\n

There is a chance I read this wrong. Maybe the next chapter will open with, \u201cThat was all a dream! I’m not a vampire. Instead, Edythe just gave me a Band Aide and now we\u2019re talking about passion and rules.\u201d <\/p>\n

Kinda curious to see how the last chapter wraps this up. What else will be different? <\/p>\n

The final Twilight Blog lands on Friday. <\/p>\n

Murmurs\/Mutters\/Mumbles: 0
\nTotal: 91<\/strong><\/p>\n

Prediction<\/strong>
\nBEAU:<\/strong> Please, my lion….make me…a vampire…
\nEDYTHE:<\/strong> Sure.
\nBEAU:<\/strong> Oh…um.
\nEDYTHE:<\/strong> What?
\nBEAU:<\/strong> Well, I thought there\u2019d be more to it. Maybe I had to take a test or something?
\nEDYTHE:<\/strong> Nah. It\u2019s easy.
\nBEAU:<\/strong> Also, it was kinda weird that you guys were so afraid of that Joss vampire, and then you easily killed her in, like, twenty-seconds.
\nEDYTHE: <\/strong>Yeah. That was weird.
\nJULIE:<\/strong> Hey Beau. Just dropped by to let you know I’m a werewolf and I have feelings for you.
\nBEAU:<\/strong> No way! I thought it would take at least half a novel to figure that out.
\nJULIE:<\/strong> You and I might have fun hanging out together, but in the end, it’s probably better if we’re just friends. We cool?
\nBEAU:<\/strong> Hmm. That seems to save some time and decision making.
\nJULIE:<\/strong> Also, if you have a son, I’m gonna marry him. Don’t freak out.
\nCARINE:<\/strong> We just sent the Volturi an email explaining everything. They\u2019re fine with it. They\u2019re not going to involve themselves with this.
\nBEAU: <\/strong>So…everything is wrapping up.
\nEDYTHE: <\/strong>Seems so.
\nMARCUS:<\/strong> Anyone see a turtle? It\u2019s green? Has the word \u201cViper\u201d painted on the shell?
\nEDYTHE:<\/strong> Sorry, Markie. We don\u2019t really have time for you in this story.
\nQUIL:<\/strong> What about me?
\nEDYTHE<\/strong>: Nope. You can go too.
\nQUIL:<\/strong> If you need me, I\u2019ll in my ice cream truck — the one with \u201cFree Nintendos\u201d spray painted on the side. <\/p>\n

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\n<\/em><\/p>\n

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