{"id":3505,"date":"2015-11-06T16:15:05","date_gmt":"2015-11-06T21:15:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=3505"},"modified":"2015-11-06T16:19:18","modified_gmt":"2015-11-06T21:19:18","slug":"blogging-twilight-life-and-death-part-fourteen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=3505","title":{"rendered":"Blogging Twilight Life and Death: Part Fourteen"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Twi<\/a>Chapter Fourteen: Mind Over Matter<\/em>
\nBetter Title: Beau-ners<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Can I watch you sleep? Can I come into your bedroom and sit and stare as you slumber? It\u2019s okay if you say no, because I\u2019m going to do it anyway. I can\u2019t help myself. And you should feel honored that such a perfect person would want to spend my freetime violating your privacy and trust.<\/p>\n

What statement best describes the above paragraph?<\/strong>
\nA.<\/strong> Words of a sexual predator.
\nB.<\/strong> There is no other answer, because this is messed up! <\/p>\n

Oh sweet pancakes on a barn roof! This is wrong. This is all the wrongs. This is Bill Cosby wrong. This is awful, terrible stalker crap that young people read and think is sweet and romantic but in actuality would result in police investigations, restraining orders and hour-long Dr. Phil specials.<\/p>\n

Nothing about Edythe\u2019s (or Edward\u2019s) behavior is acceptable.<\/p>\n

You do not watch people sleep without their permission. Even if you catch someone napping on the bus, you take a brief look and then go back to playing Words With Friends <\/em>on your phone. You do not sit and watch people sleep!<\/p>\n

This is not okay. <\/strong><\/p>\n

In this chapter, Edythe and Beau hang out in Beau\u2019s house and Edythe tells him that, yes, she has watched him sleep every night for the past few weeks.<\/p>\n

Beau is embarrassed, but thinks Edythe is so super cool that he permits the violation. Ugh. I bet Edythe could say she also hacked his email and videotaped him pooping, and Beau would just touch her face and say, \u201cYou are such a Silly Sally. Let’s caress!\u201d<\/p>\n

Up in Beau\u2019s room, the two cuddle and mumble and it\u2019s meant to seem cute but all I see is a 100-year-old woman touching an underage boy.<\/p>\n

Edythe admits that she was born in 1901 and was turned into a vampire after catching the Spanish flu.<\/p>\n

Beau doesn\u2019t think much of the age difference. In fact, I don\u2019t think this will ever come up again in the series. But it\u2019s gross. It means that had Edythe been bitten when she was 50 or 60….or 80, she would still be lusting after Beau because biologically he is her love-match. She just got lucky and became a vampire at the forever-age of 18, but this would be a whole different book, one sold in that special store on the highway, if it was about an elderly woman cuddling a teen.<\/p>\n

At least the gender swapping is teaching us about equality. This was gross when old man Edward had the hots for teenage Bella, and it\u2019s equally gross with the sexes reversed.<\/p>\n

This is not okay. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Beau asks questions about vampires, such as how does Edythe have mind reading powers, and why can Archie see the future. Edythe explains it with a very wordy version of, \u201cbecause feelings.\u201d She also explains that Jassamine (lady Jasper) can alter the emotions of people, and I start laughing and laughing as I recall all the stupid vampires powers.<\/p>\n

Remember Marcus?!! <\/em>Remember him? Marcus was the Volturi vampire with the superpower to see relationships!!! He was a mighty vampire.<\/p>\n

Ha! Wow! I miss Marcus. He could have warned us all that Kermit and Miss Piggy were going to breakup. And think what he could do with Taylor Swift\u2019s love life? The mind marvels.<\/p>\n

Point is: Vampire superpowers are the worst thing about Twilight besides the\u2026<\/p>\n