{"id":3473,"date":"2015-10-28T17:56:05","date_gmt":"2015-10-28T21:56:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=3473"},"modified":"2015-10-28T17:56:05","modified_gmt":"2015-10-28T21:56:05","slug":"blogging-twilight-life-and-death-part-ten","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laserfarm.com\/?p=3473","title":{"rendered":"Blogging Twilight Life and Death: Part Ten"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Twi<\/a>Chapter Ten: Interrogations<\/em>
\nBetter Title: Chapter Nine: Part Two<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a rainy, cold October day — the perfect kind of day to curl up with a good book. Life and Death<\/em> isn\u2019t a good book, but it does make me curl up. <\/p>\n

This chapter feels like the previous chapter, except now Jeremy and McKayla show up. It\u2019s the day after Beau\u2019s hot and wild date with Edythe. He wakes up hoping it wasn\u2019t a dream, and is excited to find Edythe waiting for him in the driveway. <\/p>\n

She drives him to school where everyone gawks as Beau gets out of the car. What did these two do all night? Are they dating? Did they do sex? Is Beaufort even a real name? The gossip runs rampant. <\/p>\n

Edythe has read Jeremy’s mind and warns Beau that Jer will ask all the typical guy questions about what happened last night.<\/p>\n

For the record, I may not be a typical guy, and maybe my friends weren\u2019t typical guys either, but in high school, even in the locker room, we never bragged about sex to each other. We never asked, \u201cHow far did ya get?\u201d or \u201cDid she gallop on your ostrich?\u201d or whatever euphemism is popular that day. In fact, locker room conversations are kept to a minimum because locker rooms are terrible caves of embarrassment. You get in, you get out. You don’t chit-chat. <\/p>\n

You see this a lot in movies — the scene of a guy being teased and goaded by his friends who want to know all the juicy details of a romantic conquest. The truth is, guys don\u2019t talk about it nearly as often as movies lead you to believe. We think about it (every 3 seconds, even on holidays and at funerals). But we don\u2019t talk about it.<\/p>\n

We talk about movies, work, things that smell, etc. Sex only enters the conversation on rare occasions, and even then it\u2019s discussed in vague phrases. One guy will say, \u201cDude!\u201d And the the other will say, \u201cNo joke?\u201d And depending on how those two words are enunciated, they can mean an entire novel of feelings and details. No joke. (That last sentence was about turtles, which you would know if you heard the way I said it. It\u2019s a guy thing.)<\/p>\n

Jeremy wants to know what happened, and Beau isn\u2019t sure how to answer him so he goes with the truth — Edythe just coincidentally met up with him in Port Angeles and then drove him home. <\/p>\n

Jeremy can\u2019t handle this and thinks there must be some sinister reason why Edythe is interested in Beau. Beau can\u2019t explain it either. And then Jeremy says he doesn\u2019t really care, and would rather date a \u201cnormal\u201d woman. This upsets Beau to the point of thinking about it for a few paragraphs. Dude! <\/p>\n

Edythe and Beau have lunch together and they hold hands. This part is actually rather cute. Shut up. Fine. Whatever. STOP STARING AT ME! I still hate this book. For real! Dude! <\/p>\n

Meanwhile, Edythe\u2019s siblings aren\u2019t as happy about this blossoming relationship. Royal, in particular, seems to hate Beau. And then Eleanor\u2026Dude!<\/p>\n

Hi, Eleanor! It\u2019s me! Dan? Remember? We meet a few chapters ago when you were standing around like a strong fierce woman with eyes that cannot quit. What are you up to? Maybe later we can go swimming and you can tackle a shark with your mighty, yet feminine, hands as you then breach the water letting your long wet hair fan out behind you in a magical arc of pure sex. <\/p>\n

Or we could just see that Steve Jobs movie, or go to the diner, or slow dance. <\/p>\n

Beau doesn\u2019t like being stared at by the family of vampires, but Edythe tells him not to worry because they\u2019re not angry at Beau, they\u2019re just pissed at her. It\u2019s family stuff. Dude!<\/p>\n

And then Eleanor delivers the very first glower of the book. \u2018Tis a mighty glower, the type of glower that makes a man say \u201cWanna come over? We can NetFlix and Thrill.\u201d <\/p>\n

Hi Eleanor! Do you have swords? I bet you have swords. And a cape. That\u2019s cool. Did you know I make magic pencils<\/a>? I know, right? Crazy. Maybe you can come over and I can show you the pencils. I etch the wood myself using light amplification by stimulated emissions of radiation, a.k.a. lasers<\/em>. I can show you how to stimulate the emissions. Let me know. I\u2019m free all day. <\/p>\n

During lunch, Edythe and Beau play the same question and answer game from the night before. She explains that Eleanor is the most powerful vampire of the family and loves to hunt angry bears. <\/p>\n

Hi Eleanor! Me again. I\u2019m thinking of dressing as Yogi Bear for Halloween. What\u2019dya think? Sure hope no one…hunts…me. <\/p>\n

The chapter ends with Edythe and Beau making plans to hang out on the weekend, instead of driving to Seattle. Edythe promises to show Beau what happens when a vampire goes out in the sun. <\/p>\n

That means the next chapter might be the <\/em>chapter. Friday is gonna be fun. <\/p>\n

Murmurs\/Mutters\/Mumbles: 4
\nTotal: 37<\/strong><\/p>\n

Prediction<\/strong>
\nJEREMY:<\/strong> Hey bro! Did you totally do it with Edythe?
\nBEAU:<\/strong> You know it, broseph! I was all like [makes \u2018Ugnhhh\u2019 sounds] <\/em>and she was all like [makes high pitched moaning]<\/em> and then we were all like [makes chicken noises]<\/em> and she [makes dolphin squeals.]<\/em> So you know I had to be all like, [makes Chewbacca growl]<\/em> which then lead to a little [recites the MNLOP part of the alphabet.]<\/em>
\nJEREMY: <\/strong>Sweet! Did she let you [makes hand gesture that looks like backwards clapping]<\/em>
\nBEAU:<\/strong> Bro. We were all like [makes shadow puppet of bat]<\/em> until my [makes car horn noise]<\/em> was all like [impersonates Morgan Freeman]<\/em>. We did it so hard, I\u2019m worried I <\/em>got pregnant!
\nJEREMY:<\/strong> Damn, son! And you touch them boobs?
\nBEAU:<\/strong> What is boobs?
\nJEREMY: <\/strong>Want to go outside and sport?
\nBEAU: <\/strong>And then we can work on cars and use urinals.
\nJEREMY:<\/strong> Dude!
\nBEAU:<\/strong> Precisely. <\/p>\n

This blog is brought to you by Power Pencils — if you can write a sentence, you can be a wizard! Order yours at PowerPencils.com<\/a>. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

New Blogs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday!<\/strong><\/p>\n

For up to the minute Blogging Twilight news, follow me on Twitter<\/a>, Facebook <\/a>and Instagram<\/a>! <\/strong><\/p>\n